Grandma Says The Darnedest Things

[Maleficent]

If you know of an old lady who says the most off-the-wall and batshit crazy things.....Post it here.




I'll start: "Maybe somebody shit on you. How do I know?!"

^^My grandmother says that to my dad earlier this week just because she didn't want him sitting in her favorite chair.

[Fortis in Arduis]

A malapropism:

Upon my mother finding my granny's lost false teeth: "He who hides, always finds."

Yes, angry and bitter, with senile dementia.

[Dictator]

Sadly, my family is sane.

[CordedWhelp]

Not really an outlandish saying, but stuck with me all these years:

My grandmother lived with us for like four years, before she died. I was a kid. Whenever I'd fuck up in some way, I recall the way she'd clench her fists and shake a bit when she got mad, and tell me if I didn't shape up I'd end up a ditch-digger.

[ЛыSSый]

ыыы

[paksaltopam]

Two days ago I was at the bank with my grandma and I told her that I got the results of her AncestryDNA test back. She leans in real close and whispers ever so softly "Am I black?"

[same]

my grandmother told my dad that he blackens her name

[LouisFerdinand]

Grandmere said, 'Do not be late for a social event.'

[RN97]

IDK how outlandish this is since I probably know other Romanians have used this but whenever I said "but if....." my grandma used to say
"If the old woman had a testicle, she would be the minster of war".