My God are you sensitive! Like a little snowflake. Or mimosa.
I come from a family of loud farters.
When my grandma farted it was like a fog-horn going off. She used to stand in front of the stove and when she felt a fart coming on she would make a movement with her leg that looked like she was kick-starting a motorbike to get it to make the maximum noise.
My mom farts. So do I. We used to try and compete with my grandma, who was the champion farter (it was only the three of us in the household anyway). Fortunately my husband farts loudly too. Forget trying to squeeze it into the upholstery. We do it like a trumpet! One morning I was sleeping and my husband let off one that sounded like a thunderclap. I went from a deep sleep into 100% awake in less than a second. I was thinking thunderclap or bomb when it was only his ass.
I read Dante's Inferno. There was one stanza which described a demon. I can't remember all the details except that he had "a bugle of an asshole" (in Dante's words). My husband likes to remind me of this.
My mom's partner, my step-dad so to say, also farts loudly in front of us all. My husband farts in front of my mom who farts in front of everybody. Farting at the dinner table is also allowed. I wouldn't say it is encouraged, but there is certainly no shame in letting one rip between the main course and dessert.
My mom's partner takes it one step further. He's German and very much into the Freikörperkultur. When he goes about his daily business in the house during summer he wears an apron. An apron and nothing else. When he cooks, all you see it butt cheeks in front of the stove. Also, at the dinner table he wears his apron. None of us and fazed by it. That is just the way it is. The first time my husband saw him like that he cracked up laughing. But hey, that's my family - take it or leave it.
When I grew up nudity wasn't an issue. I saw my mom and my grandma naked all the time. There was no covering up. I spent my youth swimming in the nude. I only used my bathing costume when friends came to visit. There was nothing sexual about it. I mean, everybody is naked under their clothes anyway. It's no big deal. Whether you've got floppy tits or bouncing balls, it doesn't matter. It's just a body, a vehicle.
A couple months ago my mom came to visit us. The shower door had a problem. There was a certain trick you had to know to get it open. Closing it wasn't a problem, but opening it could be difficult if you didn't know what you were doing. My mom didn't know this trick and got stuck in the shower. Her towel was hanging outside, so she couldn't even reach the towel to cover herself. Only my husband was home when his mother-in-law became trapped in the shower. Being the kind person he is, he went to go help her. She told me afterwards that he was very good and he only looked up to the railing where the door should slide on. Then again, she said in front of all of us, she doesn't care if he saw her naked - at least he could have a sneak peek into what is waiting for him 30 years from now.
Yeah. That's my family. We're "different". Nobody has any hang-ups and there are no pretenses. What you see is what you get. If you have a problem with my step-dad's ass cheeks, my naked mother in the shower or farting at the dinner table, then you definitely won't fit into our family.
We are a happy bunch and we laugh all the time, so you would be missing out on plenty of good times!
Originally Posted by Manzikert
Reading fragments of stories of Danielion's personal life time to time here makes me depressed and sad. It's like I'm in a French drama movie.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks