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Thread: 'Opposites attract' is a MYTH: People who disagree with us trigger negative feelings that lead to re

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    Default 'Opposites attract' is a MYTH: People who disagree with us trigger negative feelings that lead to re

    'Opposites attract' is a MYTH: People who disagree with us trigger negative feelings that lead to repulsion

    Professor Viren Swami, a social psychologist at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, explains why the romantic myth that 'opposites attract' is far from the truth.


    If you were brought up on a diet of Disney fairy tales, you might be forgiven for thinking that opposites attract. But a new study tracking people's digital footprints – how they behave online – suggests this isn't true to life

    The romantic myth that 'opposites attract' has been around for centuries.

    From Beauty and the Beast to the Little Mermaid, many popular fairy tales are centred around couples coming together in spite of their glaring differences.

    But according to decades of scientific research, opposites tend to find each other repulsive.

    In a piece for The Conversation, Professor Viren Swami, a social psychologist at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, explores why opposites rarely attract.

    And it isn't the first time science has come to this conclusion. For decades, psychologists and sociologists have pointed out that the idea that opposites attract is a myth.

    In fact, almost all the evidence suggests that opposites very rarely attract.

    The psychologist Donn Byrne was one of the first to study the impact of similarity on the early stages of relationships. To do so, he developed a method known as the 'phantom stranger technique'.

    People who agree with us validate our attitudes and so satisfy this need, whereas people who disagree with us tend to stimulate negative feelings – anxiety, confusion and maybe even anger – that lead to repulsion.

    Byrne's early research was limited to similarity of attitudes, but other research has suggested that there may also be greater attraction to others who share similar sociodemographic dimensions.

    For example, studies have shown that online daters are more likely to contact and reply to others who have similar educational and ethnic backgrounds as themselves, and are of a similar age.

    However, Byrne's later research suggested that attitudinal similarity may be more important than sociodemographic similarity when it comes to relationship formation.

    Too much similarity?

    But this isn't quite the end of the story. Psychologist Arthur Aron believes that, while similarity is important, there may be some situations in which it can actually undermine attraction.

    He argued that people also have a need to grow and expand the self – and that one reason why we form relationships with others is because we can assimilate some of the qualities of our partners, which promotes such growth.

    The implication is that we will be attracted to others who offer the greatest potential for self-expansion – and someone who is similar in values and traits provides much less potential for growth than someone who is different.

    So, the model ends up predicting that dissimilarity can sometimes be attractive, especially if you believe that there is a good possibility a relationship will develop.

    Aron's research using the phantom stranger technique would seem to support this idea.

    But of course, the picture gets more complicated when we consider how couples actually behave in real life.

    For example, when couples discover that they disagree strongly on some topic they often bring their attitudes into 'alignment' with each other – becoming more similar to each other over time.

    So, if you're single and looking, the advice from decades of scientific research is simple: Stop believing that the right match for you is someone who has the opposite qualities to you.

    Opposites almost never attract and you're much better off focusing on people who have similar qualities and attitudes to yourself, but who offer some potential for self-expansion.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencete...ract-MYTH.html

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    Opposites dont attract lol, i always search for some similarities and common interests otherwise is a turn off, even for a one nighter.
    I mean maybe there could be some one nighter if we are both drunk and dont care about other things

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dema View Post
    Opposites dont attract lol, i always search for some similarities and common interests otherwise is a turn off, even for a one nighter.
    I mean maybe there could be some one nighter if we are both drunk and dont care about other things
    You're such a manwhore.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dick View Post
    You're such a manwhore.
    I am not Dick, besides last time i was drunk was more then 2 years ago.. I was just speaking hypothetically, and i am not a one nighter type but you never know

    What do you look at a woman dick? What kind of personalities you like? Or its all about their look

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dema View Post
    I am not Dick, besides last time i was drunk was more then 2 years ago.. I was just speaking hypothetically, and i am not a one nighter type but you never know

    What do you look at a woman dick? What kind of personalities you like? Or its all about their look
    God, you're sensitive. It's all about looks for me! I get along with everyone anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dick View Post
    It's all about looks for me!
    You are such a shallow person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dick View Post
    God, you're sensitive. It's all about looks for me! I get along with everyone anyway.
    Im sensitive manwhore

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    Yeah it is a myth indeed. Having totally opposite interests and clashing personalities isn't going to work in a relationship.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wota fuq View Post
    You are such a shallow person.
    In general, women are more shallow than men they just won't admit it.

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    Of course, opposites don't attract - that's bullshit for teen girls and children who still believe in Santa.
    Even when I started dating girls (I was 16 back then) I needed to have some things in common with them.
    I'm not a hypocrite - physical attraction has always been important to me, also.
    Every man who says that a woman's look is not important to him is simply a liar.
    Of course, with age most of us (this is also my case) start to pay more attention (than we have done before) to certain traits and personal qualities in a woman. We are not as shallow as some women think.
    Sure, each couple has its hard times and you don't need to agree about everything (the perfect soulmate thing is another crap for those who believe in unicorns) but having some common interests and understandings is really important.
    After not shaving for a while:

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