Originally Posted by
Myanthropologies
My depression worsens during the summer. I'm stuck in the house with a bunch of negative people who doubt my success and point to my struggles in the past. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about my feelings in my personal life because I don't want to make anyone else sad because im sad, even though I believe talking to someone is important. So im gonna vent about this here because I have nowhere else to (sorry). It's a battle because it's hard to find someone who's patient enough to listen to my problems and take them seriously anymore. Shrinks don't do much for me, meds just raise my heart rate, the only thing that helps is my religion. When I pray, my depression eases, but I know I need more than that. Ive always been there for a lot of people when they were depressed and needed someone, but in my situation, my life sucks tbh (during summer). I have a typical controlling Middle Eastern father (who isn't even religious btw), but a pretty soft and kind hearted mother (but who still misunderstands me a lot). My dad never let's me have fun, and he never helped raise me to become a man. I was raised by my mother 96% of the time. My father, despite being PhD educated, acts so ignorant towards me and tries to control the family too much. My oldest sister lives in an apartment with her boyfriend (who is a white christian) because she can't stand my dad. My parents don't know about him and it stresses him out. My dad calls my other sister a skank because she dresses in shorts and shit (that arent even too short). He belittles me for having aspergers, needing to take meds, trying to commit suicide in my dorm a year ago and having to go to the hospital for a week, being half hard of hearing (he is afraid of how people will perceive him when they see he has a son with a hearing aid), and for not being "man" enough (which is totally his fault for being completely absent in raising me. I had no male figure in my life at all and I had to teach everything myself). I have to push myself through my honors classes at uni with everyone around me saying negative crap about me. If it weren't for my friends and my religion, I don't think I'd be here right now. Those things provide lots of comfort to me that nobody realizes and I truly love them. I cannot wait until I graduate from uni next year and move somewhere else in the states. I can't stand being in this annoying house over the summer. I really truly wish nobody ever goes through what I went through. Having an absent and verbally abusive father causes a lot of harm in a son's life, especially if the kid has nowhere to go for help.
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