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Thread: Calling a Swede a Swede

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    Veteran Member The Lawspeaker's Avatar
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    Default Calling a Swede a Swede



    Calling a Swede a Swede
    Imagine an alternate universe where terrorists are Scandinavian — Swedes, to be specific


    Imagine, if you will, an alternative universe where perception is slightly altered to reflect a different reality. In this universe, terrorists are Scandinavian — Swedes, to be specific.

    We should not generalize, and it is clear that not all Swedes are terrorists, but all terrorists are Swedes. These radicals have perverted the beautiful Nordic religion of peace and turned it into an ideology of hatred.

    The facts clearly show that the men who try to smuggle bombs onto airplanes have blond hair, blue eyes, are between twenty and forty years old, believe in the supreme god Odin, and carry names like Ingmar Johansson.

    They talk funny and they love smorgasbord, which is a traditional Nordic meal with lots of raw fish, and every Swede can drink alcohol in amounts that would kill six reindeer within three minutes.

    How do we make sure these bomb-laden Swedes don’t board our airplanes? How can we recognize these radical Nordic terrorists? Should we check dark-haired Asians called Honda? Italians called Ferrari?

    Would it be acceptable to single out Swedes trying to travel by air? Or should we, trying to avoid offending Swedish sensibilities, check every person with an airline ticket in general and especially focus on inspecting their crotch? After all, Swedes love to wear their bombs in their underwear, so maybe non-Swedes also wear bombs in their underwear, right?

    This may sound ridiculous, but there is no reason we should inspect the crotch of a three-year-old girl carrying a teddy bear if we know her last name is Martinez. So isn’t inspecting every air traveler a terrible waste of money and time? Yes it is. But there is a rationale to all of this.

    We turn every traveler into a suspect because we cannot focus on our core group of suspects, the Swedes, although they have shown themselves willing to blow themselves up in our airplanes. Yes, yes, I know — not all Swedes are terrorists. We are talking about a tiny group of potential killers. The problem is that they are all Swedes and all are followers of the god Odin. I can’t help it that they perverted their wonderful religion and hate our guts.

    So if we know that some Swedes are really trying to kill us, would it make sense to check German travelers? Worldwide, we daily check millions of passengers of every race, color, gender, and age, while we basically are looking for young male Swedes called Johansson and who are Odinists. But we don’t dare to openly define the threat. It may upset the Swedes, and they are a pretty violent bunch of people who don’t want to be singled out as terrorists. They may try to hurt us if we call them terrorists. They don’t want us to insult their Nordic religion, which is, as we all know, a religion of peace … until we insult their religion.

    So in order to find this one radical, tall, blonde, blue-eyed harbinger of evil, we check every human being on the planet who dares to board an airplane. That is why getting onto an airplane has turned into a spectacle of humiliation, confusion, and indecency. We don’t allow ourselves to profile the Swedes in order to find the bad Swedes.

    Why can’t we profile the Swedes? Because we stick to the idea that, basically, it is just a coincidence that all terrorists are Swedes. It’s nonsense, but we feel it is a correct idea. We pretend: They could be from Chile. Or Delaware. The moment we say that all terrorists are Odinist, we are putting blame on Odin, the Nordic supreme god. We say: If all terrorists are Odinist, there may be something wrong with Odin himself. We shouldn’t do that.

    By not singling out blonde, blue-eyed, young male Swedes called Johansson we can preserve the idea that it’s not Odin who is driving Swedish terrorists into a genocidal rage, but rather American imperialism or Jewish Zionism or the lack of a Swedish issue of Hustler magazine. An Evangelical Lutheran granny from Wyoming could be a terrorist too, we say, when she is being crotch-searched or put in a high-radiation cubicle. Never has a bomb been found in the crotch of a Wyoming Lutheran granny, but that’s not what the crotch-searching is about.

    It is a ritual. It means: We don’t want to talk about Odin. We don’t want to talk about violent young male Swedish Odinists. We don’t want to talk about the fact that all terrorists are Swedes. We’d better pretend that all people are terrorists.

    So when a TSA employee is touching your private parts or when you are standing in a high-radiation cubicle, think of Odin and all those non-terrorist Swedes who don’t want us to remind them of the brutal fact that “Odin is great” are the last words the Swedish terrorists mutter before they explode.



    All this is happening because the Swedes want us to shut up about the ugly truth of Swedish terrorism — that is why we are being crotch-searched when we board a plane.

    Feels good, doesn’t it?
    How Turkey wants to conquer Europe: click here for more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kemalisté View Post
    Oh, come on. As if there are not enough Turks living in those countries to make counter-pressure. Even Merkel's Christian Democratic party has begun to have Turkish deputies elected. As a matter of fact; the Turkish population is rapidly increasing and Germany will soon have to come to a more pro-Turkish point. The same goes for your country, the Netherlands. In France; while there's a significant increase in right-wing movements; socialists are still in power and are preparing to lift their blocks upon Turkey's chapters.

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    Thing is, if it was Swedes there would be no problem with profiling.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AcadianDriftwood View Post
    Thing is, if it was Swedes there would be no problem with profiling.
    Exactly. This shows the sick, twisted irony of it all pretty well, does it ? If they were Swedes then they should be dealt with harshly (in the same way as they dealt with (Northern) Irish during the Troubles).

    The only reason why they don't do it now is because of the "race card".
    How Turkey wants to conquer Europe: click here for more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kemalisté View Post
    Oh, come on. As if there are not enough Turks living in those countries to make counter-pressure. Even Merkel's Christian Democratic party has begun to have Turkish deputies elected. As a matter of fact; the Turkish population is rapidly increasing and Germany will soon have to come to a more pro-Turkish point. The same goes for your country, the Netherlands. In France; while there's a significant increase in right-wing movements; socialists are still in power and are preparing to lift their blocks upon Turkey's chapters.

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    From now on, I'll be doing everything I can to not need to fly. I might do so if it's a life-or-death matter, but not otherwise. I'll use buses and trains instead. The things I've read lately about the TSA, their scanners and their pat downs are just unbelievable.

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    From an American blog!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smaland View Post
    From now on, I'll be doing everything I can to not need to fly. I might do so if it's a life-or-death matter, but not otherwise. I'll use buses and trains instead. The things I've read lately about the TSA, their scanners and their pat downs are just unbelievable.

    Yes I hate flying. Sitting next to people who smell and chew gum and wave their sick little hands in front of me to get their stupid food/sports magazines. It's just terrible I'll never fly unless I have to.

    Also I hate having to take my shoes off for those stupid security guards.

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    Last time I flew, I had to go through security at Detroit airport where I was patted down and sprayed with explosive detection spray by a woman who looked like the girl from the movie Precious.


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    This is a silly article...

    If these Swedish terrorists had a religious doctrine it would most likely be Lutheranism, us Scandinavians have been Christian Nations for the last thousand years.


    Quote Originally Posted by Karl der Große View Post
    From an American blog!
    And it shows

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    The routes that I have flown here in Europe (flying somewhere for me is a rare occasion) aren't so downright insane when it comes to security precautions just yet.
    But then again.. I usually use ground-based public transport, go by car or take a ferry.

    The worst experience I ever had was the one that I had with the frog customs.
    How Turkey wants to conquer Europe: click here for more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kemalisté View Post
    Oh, come on. As if there are not enough Turks living in those countries to make counter-pressure. Even Merkel's Christian Democratic party has begun to have Turkish deputies elected. As a matter of fact; the Turkish population is rapidly increasing and Germany will soon have to come to a more pro-Turkish point. The same goes for your country, the Netherlands. In France; while there's a significant increase in right-wing movements; socialists are still in power and are preparing to lift their blocks upon Turkey's chapters.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Civis Batavi View Post
    The routes that I have flown here in Europe (flying somewhere for me is a rare occasion) aren't so downright insane when it comes to security precautions just yet.
    But then again.. I usually use ground-based public transport, go by car or take a ferry.
    Depends where in Europe you go, I guess. I got some grief in Italy, but everywhere else I was fine.

    But, no department in an airport, or on a border, is worse than Canadian customs, especially by land. They are such assholes!

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