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My father was like that too. I never had any problems with American customs, they have always been very nice to me. Canadian customs though, they're not necessarily mean, but they're just rude. American folks will smile at you, welcome you to the US and tell you to enjoy your visit, and do all that little nice stuff which really makes a big difference for me.
Canadian customs just take their jobs too seriously, I guess.
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I'm going to use a metallic paint to put a big smiley-face on my tummy when I go through the scanner. I just want some TSA mouth-breather to explain to me how body-painting (my new religious faith...) is a threat to security.
Wait, how about "Jesus is Lord" and a cross?
You don't need a gun until you need a gun. Then you need a gun and there is no good substitute.
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Also swedes Is a nice vegetable. Nice in soup.
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