Chivalry: A Muslimah's views

[Breathe]

So I'm a 24 years old lady and I was born in USA, but my parents immigrated from South Asia.

As a little girl, I viewed men as larger, stronger people who exist to provide money for us. This gives them the right to treat us however they want. Even if it's anger, frustration or violence. This kind of reflects off of my dad who had anger issues and sometimes beat my mom. I used to think all men are like that, and that's how gender roles are.

However, when I went to middle school, we watched the movie Titanic in class. This movie obviously shows the gender roles of Belle Époque time period of Europe (1880-1920s), I was introduced of the European custom of chivalry. I was shocked and sexually aroused at the same time. I have never seen men actually being nice to women. One thing that really sexually excited me was when Leonardo DiCaprio kissed Kate Winslet's hand. In traditional South Asian culture, if men express too much love to his wife in public, he is called a henpecked husband, pusssy, or unmanly. It just changed my views on men all together. This is the first time I knew that it is possible for men to be nice to women. My teacher talked more about chivalry and gender roles in traditional European culture. I was very fascinated and went home to learn more about chivalry. However, I was very confused by the contradictions I had seen in my life to the movie:

-During childhood, I thought it was "men first". For example, during ramadan after fasting was over, men always got food first to eat. Women always went last. However, I learned that in European culture, the general rule is "ladies first".

-I thought it was a normal thing for men to beat up their wives, however, I learned that in the western world, it is morally considered wrong for men to beat their wives. In South Asia, it is not considered wrong by many people.

Here are some other things that I found out about chivalry that shocked me:

1. He stands when she walks in the room
2. He walks by her on the outside, closest to the street
3. He opens the door for her
4. He pulls out her chair
5. He carries her bags
6. He doesn’t walk ahead of her (In traditional south asian culture, women always walk behind men)
7. He gives her his jacket
8. He would never dream of hitting ANY woman (The opposite is very prevalent in South Asian culture).
9. He gives her his jacket
10. He walks her home or to safety
11. He carries her bags

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The last 2 are probably the only things that South Asian men would do. But anyways, as a woman who has a background from a place that treats women very poorly, I think chivalry is awesome. And I hope it comes back because it is rare for women to treat women with such respect and such in our world. In fact, European culture is probably the only place where I think chivalry existed. I am very thankful I was born in the west and not South Asia. South Asia is a very dangerous place for women. In Pakistan, up to 90% of women suffer from domestic violence. In the Sikh community in India, killing baby girls and female infanticide is so common that the sex ratio is quickly dropping. Before the British arrived in India, there was a tradition where if a woman dies, she is expected to jump in the fire. Thankfully, British men outlawed this horrendous Hindu tradition. In Hindu culture today, if a lady's husband dies, she is not allowed to wear any color (only white) because she is considered unlucky and jinxed. South Asia is very dangerous for women as women are raped, victims of acid attacks, burnt alive by their husbands for not giving dowry, and more horrendous crimes.

Thankfully, after learning about chivalry, I know that it is possible for women to be loved and respected by men.

NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT BRING UP RELIGION! I BELIEVE THAT SEXISM EXISTS BECAUSE OF CULTURE, NOT RELIGION. FOR EXAMPLE, EVEN THOUGH CONGO IS MOSTLY CHRISTIAN, WE ALL KNOW IT IS A MORE SEXIST PLACE THAN UAE OR ALBANIA (WHICH ARE BOTH MUSLIM COUNTRIES). ON THE SAME TOKEN, IRELAND, A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY, IS LESS SEXIST THAN AFGHANISTAN.

[Mary]

1) Are you an old feminist? People cared about the Titanic movie like 25 years ago.

2) We have equality now. Get with the times.

3) And remember: in the Titanic movie she's a rich lady who gets with a poor guy. She takes him on a date, he has his clothes before the date provided by another rich lady, she also rescues him from the sinking ship. Sure he's chivalrous, but she's the one who wines and dines him.

4) The chivalry thing wouldn't happen for you anyway if you're poor, ugly, and ethnic. He's chivalrous to her because she's a young, pretty, rich bitch. He does not court any of the poor girls. In fact, all the rich pretty women get a spot in the life boats.

5) In real life the first batches of women got two spots each in the life boats, because it was important that they should be comfortable. While the ugly poor women were left to sink with the ship.

[Mary]

The problem with this (and similar) movies is that women assume that they would be travelling in first class, hence the expectations for chivalry





but it's far more likely that they would be in third class,





with the rats and the drunk men.

[Mary]

This is my favorite scene in the movie,





it implies that she gives her spot in the lifeboat to him. Where's the chivalry here?

[GreentheViper]

It's interesting to see a perspective other than a Western one. I think many Western women might not want those chivalrous deeds done for them, because they're feminists or want strict equality.

[Gründig]

In simplistic terms, women deserve respect. Any culture that Is opposed to this is clearly subhuman.

[Breathe]

@ Mary. My point is that I was very excited to find out that chivalry existed. This thread isnt about Rose, Jack and social status

[The Lawspeaker]

And it's a world we're losing now. It's what you get when you throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[Phenix]

It's interesting to see a perspective other than a Western one. I think many Western women might not want those chivalrous deeds done for them, because they're feminists or want strict equality.

Western women are programmed to be narcissist unsatisfied arrogant hence why they have an unpredictable mood and nourish a fascination toward violent men because it's less expected in western societies, some Oriental women (emigrants principally) on the contrary are tired to be punching bags for co-ethnic men, they aspire an emancipation and are on a old neuro-programmatic about searching the "charming prince", emigration and cultural dominance opened for them an access. It is really interesting to see a confrontation of these two visions in a TV show one day to prove for good that the feminine condition doesn't exist, it depends on status, culture, and wealth.

[The Lawspeaker]

This may well explain why so many European men and Oriental girls seem to "click": they are both on that old neuro-program. Funny enough: I have noticed something similar in the divorce figures between African-American women and European American men: they are quite low. Whereas the highest group would be African American man and European American women (closely followed by European/European).

Hypergamy at work, I suppose. Those are the U.S statistics, as for the Netherlands the numbers seem to be relatively equal (at least it seems to be as there is no separation between ethnic groups).