A Few Jokes

[augusto]

My wife got pregnant and went to the hospital to see a baby doctor.
He was no use because he was only six months old.

[The Lawspeaker]

A Turk, a Moroccan and an Albanian are in a car together. Who's driving ?

The copper.

[augusto]

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'

I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep''
he said ' Try lying on the edge of your bed, you'll soon drop off'

my wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'.
I had the car out in thirty seconds.

[safinator]

An German, a Russian and an Estonian are flying on a plane. The German says: "In Germany, we have a lot of euros" and throws an 1 euro coin out of the plane. The Russian says: "In Russia, we have a lot of vodka" and throws a bottle of vodka out of the plane. The Estonian says: "In Estonia, we have a lot of Russians" and throws the Russian out of the plane.

[The Lawspeaker]

An German, a Russian and an Estonian are flying on a plane. The German says: "In Germany, we have a lot of euros" and throws an 1 euro coin out of the plane. The Russian says: "In Russia, we have a lot of vodka" and throws a bottle of vodka out of the plane. The Estonian says: "In Estonia, we have a lot of Russians" and throws the Russian out of the plane.

We make that one about Turks or Moroccans here.

[Queen B]

**************Religious Joke*******************


Arguments that Jesus was Irish

-Never got married
-He never had a stable job
-His last wish was a drink

Arguments that Jesus was Puerto-Rican

-His first name was Jesus
-He had problems with the law
-His mother didn't know who his father was.

Arguments that Jesus was Italian

-He was talking and used his hand a lot
-Every meal was accompanied by wine
-Worked as carpenter

Arguments that Jesus was Black

-He called everyone ''Brother''
-Hadn't a stable address
-Noone hired him

Arguments that Jesus was from California

-Didn't cut his hair
-Going around barefoot
-Created a new religion

Arguments that Jesus was Greek
-Worked at his father's shop
-Stayed at his ancestral house till his 33
-He was sure his mother was virgin
-His mother was sure he was a god

[Ninjaman]

Thanks for this great collections.

[Crescent]

An German, a Russian and an Estonian are flying on a plane. The German says: "In Germany, we have a lot of euros" and throws an 1 euro coin out of the plane. The Russian says: "In Russia, we have a lot of vodka" and throws a bottle of vodka out of the plane. The Estonian says: "In Estonia, we have a lot of Russians" and throws the Russian out of the plane.

Hahaha!


A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Dexter Morgan]

Hahaha!


A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

What The Fuck

[Crescent]

What The Fuck

The joke was that the man died. Most likely an agonising death.