A Few Jokes

[BakersfieldChimp]

Here is a presidential joke...

Donald Trump arrives in Hell. Satan decides to show him where three presidents ended up and Trump can choose his fate for all eternity.
In the first room, Jfk is treading in raw sewage, He is barely able to keep himself afloat and he is gasping for air.

Trump doesn't like what he sees and says "Next".

In the second room, he sees Jimmy Carter who is tied up like Prometheus, and a giant Aquila bird is pecking and chewing at his liver which seems to regenerate instantly.

Trump doesn't like what he sees and says "Next".

The final room is a replica of the Oval Office. Bill Clinton is sitting in the chair and Monica Lewinsky is under the desk doing what she is best known for.

Trump likes what he sees and instantly says "This room". Satan asks him again to be sure. Trump snaps "Yes. Let's get going"

Satan proclaims "It is done...Your replacement is here. You can leave now Monica"

[lei.talk]

[Universe]

If America is 7 hours ahead of Europe, why don't they just tell us the future?

[lei.talk]

[Vessna]

[lei.talk]

the_apricity/forum/Insuperable/Women

"I have a Y-chromosome
and Nature is inherently unfair."

[~Elizabeth~]

When I was a young lady, older women would warn me to never get married. "Whatever you do, don't get married". I never did. I may have jinxed myself when I was a kid by always losing in the Old Maid card game, even on purpose, just so we could keep playing. I also liked playing rummy.

[~Elizabeth~]

Here is a joke posted by one of the Moderators on another forum I'm on.



A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread,

One of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder, "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.


Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.


Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,

"Is it raisin for you too?"


"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

[~Elizabeth~]

3 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't tell me that's a coincidence!

[~Elizabeth~]

Here is one posted by a different Moderator on that other forum I'm on.