When Should a Woman Have Children?

[Tansy]

I'm interested to hear what you all think is the appropriate situation for a woman to have children. Obviously it takes a little help from the man, but is marriage necessary? Does having children in or out of wedlock matter to you? What is the proper age for a woman to have kids of her own -- are teenagers who become pregnant too young to handle it? For those who already have children, did your experiences match your plans or ideals?

If you don't want kids, please feel free to explain why.

[Skandi]

Hmm well I want to cop out and say whenever she wants. But I suppose that's not quite the answer you are after!

When should a woman have children? Biologically somewhere between 16 and 30 would be ideal as you have stopped growing yourself and can provide for the child's needs, while not being too old either.

Mentally these ages are probably fine too, we are intended to have children after all, and I believe that a woman of any age changes when she has children of her own.

As a society? I would say after 22 and before 40 the later start is to allow the woman to complete her education and to have some time to herself. And the later age is because these things take time unfortunately.

Being married is not important to me. But I can see that having a partner or family around will help with many things. My mother was married but I was brought up by her alone after they divorced. She relied upon the family and that certainly worked.

On a personal level I would like the father to be around in a way that is me being selfish as I don't want to have to do all the work myself. But I have considered doing it without the male as there seems to be a definite lack of suitable choices around!

I don't really want children, I never have, I think that my views are changing slowly, I'm certainly less set against the idea than I used to be. But there are still many reservations agains it, and the only one for is that I feel it is my duty to have them

[Mrs Ulf]

I don't necessarily think marriage is absolutely needed but I do feel its important for both parents to be active in their child's life. Even if they are separated, they should be able to act civil and nice to each other for the sake of the child's happiness. Its worth it to put aside your personal difference for the sake of your offspring.

I don't think age matters much, and there have been some teen mothers who have stepped up to the occasion and made the very best of it. Its more a matter of how well equipped you are emotionally, you can have an older person who can be a crap mother, and a younger one who will do great.

Me personally I'd like to have my first child before 25. For me I'm really looking forward to it, and Its one of my main goals in life. I want to have a large family I look forward to raising kids and teaching them.

[Lady L]

I had my first child at 19, I had only been out of high school a short while and really didn't know what I was doing. I would never change the fact of having him but I would or should of went to college or some kind of higher education. Woulda coulda shoulda I reckon Anyway, I did step up and was a good mother, I always had him with me, and was never one of the younger mother's who had some where to drop the baby off to go party. I didn't even want that.

I had my daughter 2 and a half years later. I had the idea of getting my tubes tied, I was only 22 and after the second c-section with my daughter turned into a nightmare, it scared me so much that I signed the papers and had it done. I wish I could take that back now. But maybe one day if I have 5,000 dollars I can have it reversed.

It is a hard question to answer when a woman should have children. It all depends on the woman.

[WinterMoon]

Age wise, I think that a woman shouldn't have children until at least around age 18-20. This gives her body time to finish growing and developing. Most people think that a woman's body is ready at a younger age, but research shows otherwise.

Ideally, I think a couple should be married, but at the very least have been in a long term comitted relationship. People who are unable to comit to each other are not likely to comit to a child.

My children are perfect in every way...... even though life is far from ideal.

[Tabiti]

When she feels ready for herself in ages between 18-40. Under 18 is too young even in biological aspect, over 40 is too late. I know women who gave birth on that age and it was quite hard to them, especially because feeling of psychic tiredness.
Every female has different ideas of what "ready for children" means. Some want career first, other family

[NSFreja]

I'm interested to hear what you all think is the appropriate situation for a woman to have children. Obviously it takes a little help from the man, but is marriage necessary?

No, i am not married and still i got 4 kids...

What is the proper age for a woman to have kids of her own -- are teenagers who become pregnant too young to handle it?

If my daughters would come home and tell me they were pregnant, i would go nuts. Well, the oldest might be ready (she is 20 will be 21 soon), but she still have no job and no job = no economic way to support your family...and my other daughter is only 15 and i hope and prey everyday that she wont end up like her 15 year old friend that is pregnant! Kids shouldn't have kids, that's it.

For those who already have children, did your experiences match your plans or ideals?

I don't like the idea on "planning" kids...think about it, if you plan to have kids at the age of 25-30...then you get the pressure (you really don't know it yourself, but it will be a "must" for you to fullfill your plans) to make it come true and many many times people who plan to have kids, they have to "wait" longer to get pregnant than people that don't plan at all.

I have a comrade (same age as me) that always wanted to have many children, she still got none and i feel sorry for her and her husband.
There is nothing wrong with any of them so i guess it have been the pressure and so on that made them not have any kids at all. Now she is too old to have any...

I didn't plan any of my 4 kids (i didn't even want kids when i was like 18 years old...lol), and i am happy i didn't but after the 4th, i can't have anymore kids.

[Frigga]

I think that it does depend a large part on the woman. I've been with my boyfriend for nine years, and have been very much wanting children for the last three. I've felt that I have been stifled because of my conflicting wants and needs. I want to be with him because I care about him. I want children. The want in the last year has started to become a need. But the two seem to no longer be compatible. Turning 28 back in April was hard as I had thought that by now I would have had at least one already.

My last class of the beginning Heart And Hands Midwifery Instensives was yesterday, and at the end we had to do a exercise where we list five reasons to be a midwife. Then we made five columns underneath, and compared each question to the other one at a time, to find out which one was the most important to us. Mine was: To heal from the grief of not being allowed to have my own children. What does that say to me? It tells me how much it really does hurt to not be allowed, according to the self imposed restrictions to have children, even though I'm pretty sure I would at least be a loving mother.

So, having children is should be when you're not only physically ready, but emotionally ready as well.

[Sally]

I'm interested to hear what you all think is the appropriate situation for a woman to have children.
Obviously it takes a little help from the man, but is marriage necessary?

Having children within the context of marriage or a committed relationship would be the most ideal scenario, but I don't think it's prudent for couples to marry simply because of an unplanned pregnancy.

Does having children in or out of wedlock matter to you?

Wedlock (or committed partnership) is the most ideal scenario, as I mentioned above. Generally, it is more advantageous that children should be born within wedlock, and the trend towards births out of wedlock is distressing, and bad for society as a whole.

What is the proper age for a woman to have kids of her own -- are teenagers who become pregnant too young to handle it?

Barring any age extremes, I don't think there is a proper age for a woman to have children, and it depends on the individual's particular circumstances. There are many factors to consider, such as the woman's health or her family's economic condition. Perhaps there is no ideal age or situation, but becoming a parent should not be a decision one makes without a great deal of thought.

I'm strongly opposed to abortion and artificial contraception, so I don't advocate abortion in any case, even when the mother is a teenager. However, most teenagers are probably ill-equipped to become mothers, and should consider putting the child up for adoption.

I also don't support single women of any age resorting to artificial means to conceive children out of wedlock, regardless of their economic situation. Like teenage pregnancy, this is a problematic trend.

If you don't want kids, please feel free to explain why.

I do want children, but if I didn't, I wouldn't pursue any type of romantic relationship or have sex. Marriage would be out of the question in that case for me, of course.

[Skandi]

Mine was: To heal from the grief of not being allowed to have my own children. What does that say to me? It tells me how much it really does hurt to not be allowed, according to the self imposed restrictions to have children, even though I'm pretty sure I would at least be a loving mother.

Are you saying that you don't have children because the BF doesn't want them? My mother had that problem she met her present husband when I was 2 and she would have been 29 she wanted more but he doesn't want any, now she is too old and regrets it badly. I am also in a similar state, my BF doesn't want any I'm hoping that is because he is only 23 but I don't and can't really wait 7 years for him to be ready.

So should I leave? That is what I keep asking myself