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Thread: When Should a Woman Have Children?

  1. #11
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    Thrymheim, that is the case. I have been struggling with that thought for the last few years. Trouble is is that I've invested nine years with him, and am now dependent on him in a way. I'm scared to actually take that step. Plus, we have all of these pets: the dog, the cats, our shared property, etc. He's also six years older than me, which I had hoped would make him more amenable to having children soon, but I guess that he never will be. You have no idea how sad I am finding this turn of events to be. I've only really been grasping the magnitude of this in the past few months.

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    I was with a guy for 6 years, we managed to split everything including the house, and pets. It can be done, I know I don't really have the experiance to talk here, but I think that you should really think about it, I know that each individual day or year does not matter, but they will add up, and I suppose that you have to ask yourself whether later on you are going to hold this against him.
    I know that it feels like you've wasted your time if you do leave (I feel like that and I've only been seeing him for 1 year) but after all that time he is unlikely to change his mind. And I suppose the other option is rather underhand and cruel.
    Have you told him you want children?

    The clock is ticking, I feel it too if I were to have some I am now limited to 2 or 3 by my age I expect.
    Cattle die, kinsmen die,
    the self must also die;
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thrymheim View Post
    I am also in a similar state, my BF doesn't want any I'm hoping that is because he is only 23 but I don't and can't really wait 7 years for him to be ready.

    So should I leave? That is what I keep asking myself
    23 is still quite young, especially for a male. Mine is 25 and doesn't feel ready for children, either. I suggest you to wait 2-3 years (if you love him, of course) and see will he change his mind.
    The case with me is that my BF wants children in future (4-5 years) and I'm still not sure about that. I guess we might have problems regarding that.
    “The truth is lived, not taught."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tabiti View Post
    23 is still quite young, especially for a male. Mine is 25 and doesn't feel ready for children, either. I suggest you to wait 2-3 years (if you love him, of course) and see will he change his mind.
    The case with me is that my BF wants children in future (4-5 years) and I'm still not sure about that. I guess we might have problems regarding that.
    Yes I know but I am 28 so I do not have that long to wait. my ex decided he wanted children when he was 25 but he wasn't dead set against the idea to begin with. (at the time I didn't want them, so same as your situation!) My problem is that if I decide to leave then I have to a, find someone more suitable b, stay with them long enough to check that they are. And if I find this one does not want any when I am 31 then there would be no chance of having any before I was at least 34-35 which is starting to push things.
    Cattle die, kinsmen die,
    the self must also die;
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  5. #15
    The Dog Days Are Over Apricity Funding Member
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    Thrymheim, 23 is a young age for a young man to be ready for children. What does he say about children in the future...? Lets say in maybe 3 years...? 26 is a good age to become a father. Believe it or not I think a lot can change in a young man and/or woman in those 3 years. I feel like I was still a bit immature and naive at 23, but by 26 I had grown up a lot. Started to see a bigger picture rather. I think if he says he never wants children and you feel you do in the future then all one can do is lay it on the line, and explain, if he doesn't open up to it in a couple years, you will have to go elsewhere.

    Frigga's Spindle, what's the reasoning your man doesn't want children...? I think you and Thrymheim need to find about a 6 month old baby boy to babysit and rub the baby cuteness in the men's faces! FS, you have told me how you want children, I don't think you should give that up for this man. You will end up with very much resentment I believe.

    These are hard situations ladies and I'm a bit surprised some men are so against children.

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    I don't believe in age stereotypes, women could have kids whenever circumstances are right for them (of course, withing the reasonable limits of biology).

    The same goes for men. I have met at least two men on these fora who had their kids when they were 20 and they turned out to be excellent fathers, plus it was cool that in their 30s they had 10 year old children.

    I would not mind a woman having children in her 20s if this she is lucky enough to find a good man so soon, or in her 40s, if this is how things turned out for her.

    I am 30 and childless and I have been extremely unlucky (and stupid) in love.

    Even in my current relationship, deep down I do not see myself having children with him for a variety of reasons.

    Frankly, I will not have children unless and until I am perfectly sure that my man will stand by me in parenthood.

    As I have mentioned before, I had a really unhappy childhood because of my parents' immaturity and negligence and I do not wish that for my own children.

    So, if I manage to find someone reliable and stable enough until I am forty then I might become a late mother (better late than ever, as they say).

    But if not (and considering the infamous character of the average Greek man) then I might as well not.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Lyfing View Post
    Thrymheim, 23 is a young age for a young man to be ready for children. What does he say about children in the future...? Lets say in maybe 3 years...? 26 is a good age to become a father. Believe it or not I think a lot can change in a young man and/or woman in those 3 years. I feel like I was still a bit immature and naive at 23, but by 26 I had grown up a lot. Started to see a bigger picture rather. I think if he says he never wants children and you feel you do in the future then all one can do is lay it on the line, and explain, if he doesn't open up to it in a couple years, you will have to go elsewhere.

    Frigga's Spindle, what's the reasoning your man doesn't want children...? I think you and Thrymheim need to find about a 6 month old baby boy to babysit and rub the baby cuteness in the men's faces! FS, you have told me how you want children, I don't think you should give that up for this man. You will end up with very much resentment I believe.

    These are hard situations ladies and I'm a bit surprised some men are so against children.
    I agree. Plus it can be hard to talk to men about babies. It might just be that their afraid they won't be good fathers. Or they just don't feel ready. The Lady does have some good advice, try babysitting some young kids it might help him feel more comfortable with it. And if not then it will give you some good things to think about.

    I know Ulf and I had a really great time babysitting my baby cousin. She fell in love with Ulf and they had a really good time scribbling on paper and playing with the kitchen set she had. Plus it could be a bonus to see how he is around kids. While she was a pain to put to sleep it was good to know the hard parts too, and to see how we could handle it.

    For someone who is interested in having a family I can see how it can be really frustrating to be with someone who isn't.

  8. #18
    Everything is Beautiful WinterMoon's Avatar
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    Just my two cents...I don't think a woman should expect a guy to change his mind about having children. Sure, a guy who is young may change his mind later. Ask him if it is something he wants in the future. Otherwise, if you feel strongly about wanting children and the man does not, then the two of you are clearly not compatible. Girls and guys often think that once they get the other to "settle"with them then they can also change the other.... in reality it doesn't happen.

    The guys I have known who suddenly reach their mid 30's and want children, have usually ended up marrying a woman who already has them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WinterMoon View Post
    Just my two cents...I don't think a woman should expect a guy to change his mind about having children. Sure, a guy who is young may change his mind later. Ask him if it is something he wants in the future. Otherwise, if you feel strongly about wanting children and the man does not, then the two of you are clearly not compatible. Girls and guys often think that once they get the other to "settle"with them then they can also change the other.... in reality it doesn't happen.
    Behold, the truth! up

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    Quote Originally Posted by WinterMoon View Post
    Just my two cents...I don't think a woman should expect a guy to change his mind about having children. Sure, a guy who is young may change his mind later. Ask him if it is something he wants in the future. Otherwise, if you feel strongly about wanting children and the man does not, then the two of you are clearly not compatible. Girls and guys often think that once they get the other to "settle"with them then they can also change the other.... in reality it doesn't happen.

    The guys I have known who suddenly reach their mid 30's and want children, have usually ended up marrying a woman who already has them.
    Agreed, but its good to figure that stuff out early especially if you want children. So asking and testing out the waters is a good idea. Plus you never know what his real issue is. If it happens to be that he's afraid he won't be a good dad, due to childhood issues and what not, its good to try having a kid around the house.

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