I’m Not Mad; I’m an Introvert

[Swearengen]

..

[Paluga]

Light chitchat or small talk has nothing to do with introverted or extroverted people. Look at young kids, they always like to laugh, are full of energy,are adventureful and are honest. The complete opposite of this is this depressive and boring small talk. And today that has become normal in the wetsern world. Boring and depressive adults are the normality. Of course lots of adults see through this pointless game and call themselves introverted, because they don't like small talks and talking about every fucking bullshit no one cares about. But when you get to know this so called introvertes, those people are the most exciting and friendly people.

Most of the people who call themselves extroverts are mostly just arse-crawlers, attention-whores and wannabe confidents with lots of friends, but not a single real friend.

That's just my opinion about all that.

[Albion]

Another introvert here, but a few beers changes that. I can't believe 50% of Americans are introverts though, it's impossible. If that were the case then human societies would be a lot more introvert-friendly if half the population belonged to that personality.

[rhiannon]

This is so hard.

Luckily I have a job where I work from 7pm-7am. I don't need to see anyone or speak to anyone during that time. The problem is getting accepted to a job, and then trying to convince everyone that you really DO like working night shift, and really DON'T want to work day shift.

Each month I dread finding that the shifts have been made out in such a way that I am on day shift. I fear people resigning because it might mean I have to fill their spot on day shift. I HATE having to talk all day long, appear all happy and relaxed, pretend I just LOVE all this personal interaction when everything inside me is screaming at those people to go away. I feel like I'm living an act and am losing myself in the process. I really wish people would just leave me alone and get on with my job.

Agree with this.

One reason I hate taking to people on superficial levels is because people more often than not show themselves to be extremely disingenuous and phony.

I don't trust what comes out of a person's mouth. I have been proven right on this....the hard way.

Fuck social niceties. Most of the time they're complete bullshit, anyway

[Albion]

Indeed. Quite honestly at least from my perspective i find it hard to focus on people talking to me if my brain regards it as non-essential information. On the other hand when something as regard as essential or important information and it interests me, it is extremely difficult to remove my attention from it, and if i do manage to i usually end up in a period of what i could describe as social numbness, because that other thing (and it can just be one thing) will be the only thing i think about. Like in regards to short term things i can get into a good book and spend every second possible reading it, sometimes forgetting to eat or other essential things unless i have no other choice. Over a more longer timescale my attention seems to be focused usually on one or a small number of particular things for anywhere from a couple of weeks or so to a number of months. But instead of managing multiple interests over a long periods of time, it is rather that i will focus intensely on one thing, forsaking everything else unless it is absolutely neccessary. But then one day i can get up and i suddenly have no interest in it and may not touch it again for months. For example using like any subject - I could gorge my interest for it in every spare minute i have for a month or two and then it's just like a switch goes off somewhere, and you would have to physically force me to do it again, and i wouldn't be able to maintain any form of cohesion or interest for more than a couple of minutes.

Like as an example the last 5 days or so, apart from eating food (as quickly as possible and choosing 'easy' food), using the toilet and cleaning i have spent every waking moment investigating the current political situation, or posting about it on here and other forums. It's almost like a selective obsession, you get to the point where you exhaust all sources of information and so wait impatiently for the next bit to pop up. Probably in a week or so i will just lose interest completely as something else takes over, i don't know what though.

You don't really have much choice though, if i am not doing what my current obsession is then i get irritable, impatient and tend to be unable to think clearly both inside and outside social situations. It's almost like your brain is holding your body at gunpoint and telling you to do things you are really interested in and enjoy. It's great when you are doing it, but really uncomfortable when you aren't.

Sometimes i find you get short periods (maybe a day or less) where you are between obsessions and feel completely lost and hopeless. Like you start doing things and then stop just as you start, and can do this many times. Like you can go through many books or games or whatever and stop within a couple of minutes or before you even start reading the first page.

I'm pretty sure both extroverts and introverts have this but it's more pronounced in introverts.

This is like me. If something interests me, I can easily study it for the next four months until I'm an expert in the subject for no apparent reason. Funnily enough, it's how I ended up in my job - I studied conservation at last year of college, I never studied gardening but just sort of shifted to it and became very knowledgeable in it, now I manage a garden centre.

If I could have taken an interest in maths or science, I could easily have thrived at those subjects. Alas, no, I only get interested in peculiar subjects. It's one of the signs of aspergers btw.

[Vogon Poet]

Another introvert here, but a few beers changes that. I can't believe 50% of Americans are introverts though, it's impossible. If that were the case then human societies would be a lot more introvert-friendly if half the population belonged to that personality.

It's because those social norms aren't natural. We get indoctrinated from we are children to behave like extroverts. Schools force us to work in groups, media, etc. Almost every job you can get requires you to behave like an extrovert. Try implying the employer that you're an introvert during a job interview. You have to be cheery-queery all the time as if you were on drugs, love people, etc.

[Vogon Poet]

This seminar is very interesting. Dario Nardi has basically come up with a neuroscientific theory of MBTI/Jungian personality theory.

[Albion]

No one finds it even a little ironic that self-declared introverts make their introvertedness a feather in their cap and boast about how introverted they are? It's quite extroverted to do so. The words 'glib' and 'comprehension' and 'stereotypes' are intruding my skull for some as of yet unknown reason.

Not really. Introverts only really announce it on the internet, I've not really met any that shout about it in public. The internet is different, you can be (mostly) around people like yourself, hence why we're all on a forum like this. Introverts on the internet can express themselves because they can pick topics and things that interest them and avoid those that don't and can basically come across as extroverts on the net.
Say you don't like football - well it's quite a common topic of conversation in everyday life in much of the world, so if you don't like it or at least feign an interest, then you're at a slight disadvantage. But on the internet you can avoid boring topics like that.

As far as the internet is concerned, introverts and extroverts don't exist and people organize themselves based upon interests better than they do in the real world.

[Jackson]

Not really. Introverts only really announce it on the internet, I've not really met any that shout about it in public. The internet is different, you can be (mostly) around people like yourself, hence why we're all on a forum like this. Introverts on the internet can express themselves because they can pick topics and things that interest them and avoid those that don't and can basically come across as extroverts on the net.
Say you don't like football - well it's quite a common topic of conversation in everyday life in much of the world, so if you don't like it or at least feign an interest, then you're at a slight disadvantage. But on the internet you can avoid boring topics like that.

As far as the internet is concerned, introverts and extroverts don't exist and people organize themselves based upon interests better than they do in the real world.

The best thing about conversing not face-to-face is that you effectively have a 'pause' button, in that you don't have to reply straight away. Sometimes it would be best to stand and think for a short while before replying but you can't really do that for any length of time in most conversations. Gives you more time to gather thoughts, even if it's just 20 or 30 seconds.

[Kazimiera]

16 Things You Should Never Say to, or About an Introvert/Highly Sensitive Person

1. She’s too quiet! This is really a matter of viewpoint, isn’t it? From a quiet person’s viewpoint, most people are too loud! There are many cultures that prize quiet reserve and frown upon loud, outgoing, showy behaviour. If you think someone is too quiet, then perhaps you might consider that you simply drown out the quiet people around you. You might try shutting up and listening more.


2. He’s so boring. Well, this again depends on your viewpoint. If you’re the kind of person who thrives on extreme sports and parties till the early hours, then someone who prefers to stay home and read a book is probably going to seem boring. However, to someone with an enquiring mind who thrives on deep conversation and learning about new things, the sports jock and party animal can seem just as boring.


3. He needs to get out more. People seem to think that being quiet is something that needs to be cured and that getting out more is the remedy – as if that by dragging a person to nightclub after nightclub, he’ll miraculously change into the life of the party. Getting out more just makes a quiet person feel more miserable, more inadequate when they don’t enjoy themselves, and more desperate to go home and curl up with a book. Please, just leave us be.


4. She’s just shy. This one can really piss us off. Just because we’re not saying much right now, doesn’t mean we’re afraid of saying something. Shyness is the fear of social judgement. Quiet people aren’t afraid of speaking, they’re simply more discerning about when and to whom they speak!


5. He can’t be very smart (or the variation: he’s lazy) – he never says anything in class, meetings, workshops etc. Just because we don’t say a lot in group situations, doesn’t mean we’re dumb or not paying attention. While everyone else might be discussing the topic animatedly, we’re taking it all in, processing the points raised and thinking about solutions. We don’t talk for the sake of talking, and will only speak when we feel we have something useful to say.


6. What did you say, I didn’t hear you?! Yes, we introverts/highly sensitive people do have a tendency to speak softly. This is often because it’s difficult to compete with the extroverts in the room who generally dominant discussions and sometimes we might feel it’s just not worth expending the energy to make ourselves heard above the racket. It’s wise to remember that the person with the loudest voice doesn’t always have the best ideas, so make an effort to listen to the quiet members of the group. You have just as much responsibility to listen to them, as they have to contribute to group discussions.


7. She’s always alone, she has so few friends. Doesn’t mean she’s miserable! We like quality rather than quantity, so tend to prefer to have a few close friends than an addressbook full of contacts that are great for a party, but not for a heart-to-heart chat. And strange as it may seem, spending regular time alone is for us, both essential to recharge our energy and quite simply, bliss. Of course, sometimes we do feel lonely too – but no more so than anyone else.


8. Is something wrong? Another question that can really annoy us. Just because we’re quiet and lost in our own thoughts instead of chatting away inanely with you, doesn’t mean we’re angry, sad or coming down with the flu! We simply find small talk tedious.


9. Why are you mad at me? Oh boy, this is just another variation of the ‘is there something wrong’ question. Just because we’re lost in our own thoughts and not saying anything, doesn’t mean we’re ignoring you or giving you the cold shoulder.


10. Why do you hate people so much? What?! Seriously?! We don’t hate people, if anything most of us are incredibly philanthropic, and are the first to help a stranger in distress. We simply find crowded situations draining and having to extrovert ourselves and talk above the hubbub is exhausting. It's not so much that we hate people, it's more like we hate talking in crowded noisy situations.


11. You’re going home already? You only just got here! Yup, sorry, we are likely to disappoint you on this one, and there’s not much we can do about this. We really appreciate the invitation to your parties but deep down most of us dread them – the noise, the crowded venue, the tiresome small talk, the distasteful spectacle of watching people drink themselves stupid. But we don’t want to hurt your feelings so make the effort to come along. So please don’t be offended when we need to leave early – it doesn’t mean we don’t value your friendship, we simply have only so much energy.


12. What are you scared of? We’re not scared – we’re risk-adverse. We think more before we act, so while you’re carrying on about the awesomeness of your idea of jumping off a cliff with no clothes on, we’ve assessed that that is a very bad idea. Just because we’re not jumping off the cliff with you, doesn’t mean we’re scared. Just means we’re not stoopid!


13. We need you to show initiative. If you think about it, the operative word here is ‘show’ not ‘initiative’. Most quiet people have heaps of initiative and use it all the time. They’re the person who sees something isn’t working and goes ahead and fixes it, or notices some vital component is running low and goes ahead and orders more, or goes ahead and sets up a new system or process, all in the background without anyone noticing. It’s not that quiet people don’t have initiaitve, it’s that quiet people don’t blow their own horns or seek attention for the crises they avert. Before you criticise an employee for ‘not showing initiative’, make sure you have your facts right. And if you’re the employee, don’t be afraid to keep notes of the times you do make problems go away unnoticed and bring these out in performance reviews – sometimes it is healthy and necessary to blow your own horn.


14. He’s not a team player – he never contributes to team activities or attends team functions. Let me get this right, you’re saying this person is not doing his job properly because he doesn’t say a lot at meetings and prefers not to join in for Friday drinks? You mean you’re rating his performance low because he’s an introvert? Be careful, be very careful.

Not everyone in your team is going to be able to contribute in the way you might want. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable. They may be contributing in ways you don’t know about – by being the member of the team that listens to others’ problems and is there to bounce ideas off of, and is always supporting the more energetic members. Your quiet staff members may be far more valuable than you think.

Have you noticed how job description and performance rating capabilities these days seem to be heavily based on personality traits and not actually work ethic? Things like: ‘steps up to challenges, projects confidence, works well under pressure, is outgoing and shows enthusiasm, at ease working in an uncertain or ambiguous environment, can act and make decisions without having the full picture’. Sounds like they’re saying they believe only an extrovert can do the job, right? Sounds a lot like descrimination to me, and we don’t want to go there, do we?


15. You're antisocial. Well, I know I sometimes get mad when extroverts/non-sensitives don't respect my need for quiet and alone time, but I haven't the urge to get a machine gun and mow down a mall full of noisy people. 'Antisocial' is one of those words that has crept into common usage and is incorrectly used as a synonym for introverted, shy, quiet. It's true meaning is far stronger (from dictionary.com):

— adjective

• unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people
• antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening: an antisocial act.
• opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted: antisocial behaviour.
• Psychiatry: of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated.

— noun

• a person exhibiting antisocial traits.

Introverts and Highly Sensitive People are none of the above, so please don't call us antisocial.


16. Little Johnie is so quiet, aren’t you worried about him? You should get him checked out by a specialist, he may be autistic or have aspergers. Don't you love it how people who have no idea what they're talking about can act the expert? Unless you're wanting to scar someone for life, please don't ever suggest that their quietness is any kind of condition. All sorts of emotional damage and self-esteem issues happen when people believe the labels others give to them, that there is something wrong with them.

There are some aspects of introversion and high sensitivity that can mimic aspects of autism and aspergers such as withdrawing into their own world, being easily disturbed by external stimuli etc but are in no way the same thing. If your child is introverted and/or highly sensitive, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, they are perfectly normal, and don't ever let them believe otherwise.


Source: http://thequietkiwi.blogspot.co.nz/2...say-to-or.html