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POLES
Racial Characteristics:
A nation known as the Rudimental Reading Class of Europe. Its citizens are turkey-loaf look-alikes descended from a barbarian horde that took a wrong turn on its way to sack Rome. They spent the Middle Ages trying to fight Vikings on horseback and invented breech-loading artillery by pointing their cannons the wrong way around. They didn't know about sexual intercourse until the tenth century, having previously reproduced by raiding warthog litters. In 1947, the Poles became a Communist country under the impression that it was a rite of the Catholic church, and today the principal exports are snow tires manufactured from their own native deposits of snow.
Good Points:
Easy to beat at contract bridge.
Proper Forms of Address:
Polack, dumbo, lug wrench, kielbasa brain.
An Anecdote Illustrating Some. thing of the Polish Character:
A Polish queer, was recently arrested in Warsaw for trying to blow his wife.
RUSSIANS
Racial Characteristics:
Brutish, dumpy, boorish lard-bags in cardboard double-breasted suits. Who were Lickspittle slaveys to the maniacal schemes of their blood-lusting Red overlords now they bow down to the anti-democratic autocratic capitalist dictator Putin. Under Communism they made bicycles out of cement were sent to Siberia for listening to the wrong radio station. Their Communist party cut the balls off of high school boys to get women athletes, and shot their losing chess champions in the kneecaps. Things under Putin are not much better in terms of freedom. They shine their shoes with shit and spread Shinola on their wheat fields.
Good Points:
Under Communism they weren't allowed to leave their country. Now their main good point is they are too stupid to ever rival the USA effectively.
Proper Forms of Address:
Russki, Commie scum, Cossak, inverse radish, Vodka nigger, vanilla asians
An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Russian Character:
Three Russian kids were looking at a couple of pairs of blue jeans on a clothesline and discussing what they wanted most in the world. "I want a big box of turnips," said the first kid, so I could have enough black market rubles to buy a pair of blue jeans like those."
"I want a big box of Shock-Worker's Medals," said the second kid, "so I could have enough People's Hero privileges to buy a pair of blue jeans like those."
""I want a big box of parents," said the third kid.
"A big box of parents?! Why do you want a big box of parents?!" said the other two.
"Because" said the third kid, "I only have two parents and my sister turned them both in to the Secret Police and now she owns both those pairs of blue jeans!"
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Originally Posted by Methmatician
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