bot
11-28-2013, 12:22 AM
For the last three weeks sexbot's been considering leaving the forum or at least not posting for a while. The main reason is burnout but there are other reasons as well. Also, you won't understand a lot of what sexbot says in some of the posts unless you're a ******** regular and sometimes you won't even get it unless you're a particular member. sexbot is sorry if you feel left out but this is one of the ways sexbot has his fun. The reason sexbot is explaining this is because the article is not finished. There are three items missing and the rest isn't tweaked. It's been sitting in notepad for quite a while and even though sexbot doesn't feel like finishing it he doesn't want it to go to waste either. Some of you like sexbot's stuff so you might somewhat enjoy this last one anyway. sexbot may not post as much if at all anymore and so wants to take the opportunity now to say that you've thumbed him quite a lot and touched him in spots he didn't even know he had. At about 3+ thumbs per post on average, at the time of writing this, that ain't too shabby. sexbot felt mini-gasms every time.
But if sexbot met you IRL he'd show you what real thumbing is.
beep
In the spirit of furthering your gastronomical education you are being presented with...
sexbot's Top 7 Favorite Foods
1. Wholesome Duck
Unless your asexual hiney hasn't been following all of sexbot's posts (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?9402-sexbot) this one needs only some moderate explanation.
http://i39.tinypic.com/29vb8df.jpg
This dish is brutally demoralizing to the taste buds when chilly but it can be a classy, sharp, adorable, hot and intelligent experience as surges of unspeakable and complicated flavors erupt in sexbot's mouth (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_oueK1OQYA) when it allows sexbot to pamper it correctly.
When selecting duck you should go for ducklings. Young but not too young is best. If you think you've found young duck make sure you know its age. If you find out it's 35 years old but looks early 20s then it probably has Down's Syndrome and you should avoid it.
Another useful tip for you to know is that, while duck can run on just about any type of food, always go for duck raised on a diet of sticky rice and bananas. Don't ask sexbot why it makes for the best and most succulent duck - it just does. TRUST ME. I know
Currently and unrighteously absent from sexbot's menu this prime dish is very hard to come by and know that it is not for the faint of heart if you do actually find it.
When duck gets mad it doesn't see red - it sees yellow and if that doesn't freak the shit out of you sexbot dares you to fuck with the duck.
This sometimes foul fowl can ravage your soul, breaking your spirit beyond repair and leave you too weak to even lick your wounds.
Even the bot can barely handle it so you unchosen and mere mortals take heed lest you perish in its contempt.
If duck rejects you and you aren't too hurt then always remember that day and be grateful.
You don't get to pick this dish. It picks you. Either embracingly or to pieces.
This main course is banned in Japan and Fugu liver has got nothing on it.
Duck is sexbot's top food and it is so with a bullet.
Duck can be like a powerful man.
It comes at a hefty cost.
You have been warned.
2. Pussy Cat
Even though these are not all made out of gold, as some suppliers might have us believe, it is nevertheless still quite a staple of sexbot's insatiable diet.
http://oi42.tinypic.com/33jsbnk.jpg
There's not much sexbot can really say about this one.
How many ways are there to describe a black, wet hole?
When not available or just for the sake of variety the number 10 food on sexbot's list might serve as an acceptable alternative.
3. Boneless Chicken Breasts
Moist, succulent and boneless, before sexbot gets in it, these head supports are a real comfort food for sexbot.
When handy, breast is the kind of quick snack that sexbot grabs when he wakes up famished in the middle of the night and is too drowsy to get up and start cookin' as he normally does.
http://oi40.tinypic.com/2e4c31l.jpg
Despite conventional belief chicken breast is complemented very well by cow's milk.
http://oi44.tinypic.com/2hx8660.jpg
Kinky.
Duck breasts are preferred but are now extinct.
sexbot got carried away and had them all.
Sorry.
4. Turkey Thigh
Many people believe that turkey can make you sleepy due to the levels of the amino acid "Tryptophan"
I don't know if that's true or not but after the bot devours these thighs for days even he is ready to take a short nap before going back for more helpings.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/vqtxrr.jpg
sexbot got worked up quite a bit writing this section and is very relieved for just having remembered that Thanksgiving is tomorrow, allowing him a release he won't have to wait too long for now. You poor turkey. sexbot's gonna do you like he does duck.
5. Pork Butt
To quote the words of sexbot's love-life saboteur and Apricity's resident Bulgarian Swede (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?6269-H%E0kon), after witnessing our Mr. Brown Sugar's (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?8752-Be-Real) little Tiny Chat cam flashing accident last October, "I wouldn't mind a piece of that ham!"
As much as I hate to agree with this troublemaker I have to say "So would I."
http://oi44.tinypic.com/qx9tp0.jpg
^ Just look at that shitter. sexbot wonders if it can twerk.
While sexbot would do unnameable things to that rump he's not digging the snout too much and he'd much prefer a duck face on it.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/fjkndv.jpg
6. Beach Whale
In some weird night of Tiny Chat where sexbot was pestered by Fàkon's oppressor (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?6269-H%E0kon) into choosing between males on cam, sexbot proclaimed he doesn't need to pick from such a small selection, since there are plenty of fish in the sea. Besides that, who does she think she was talking to? Not sexbot apparently. sexbot has all the options.
My arch-enemy then replied by asking me "Why would you pick from fish in the sea when you can have a whale on the beach?"
Not being sure whether or not this tricky and cryptic question was flirty in nature sexbot was neverthless pleased by being made aware of another possible addition to his grocery list.
While washed up beach whale is really the maritime equivalent of road kill I have to say it can offer some squishy mouth fun - not to mention something pliable to hang on to should sexbot ever be falling off the dining room table during a night of blubbery and slippery enjoyment.
http://oi41.tinypic.com/2lw9dtt.jpg
That being said the bot will only accept prime cuts of this and would require the cooperation of a top number 1 whaler to hook one of these big babies.
When whale is not available the whaler could be an acceptable alternative.
If you decide to go for the whaler over the actual whale under no circumstance should you try to smooth talk your whaler by saying "I'll make you spasm violently, sending ripples around your crevices while you gasp for air like a shivering beach whale on a damp, valleyed shore." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIdgzoCNDzY)
It doesn't work.
Unless you're sexbot.
In addition to that, sexbot's duck warning applies to the whalers as well.
You have been twice warned.
7. Civil Engineers
Limited research has shown that the average IQ of civil engineers residing near large fishing industries is in about the 135 range (or higher).
Some of the researchers' conjecture states that this could be indicative of a large consumption of fish oils by some engineers.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/2jc7joy.jpg
Whether or not this is true, and also considering that this suspected correlation may not be a contributing factor to their intellectual competence, this assertion is really moot where sexbot is concerned.
Being a particularly rare type of intellect in his own right, and built not only for a very narrow and particular type of prowess but for high cerebral performance as well, sexbot needs not this food for brain power but occasionally consumes it as a tasty way of lubricating all of his nano-organs and as a slick change of pace from his usual licentious activities.
Civil engineers make a very good lubricant for sexbot. They are always very well prepared and so, no need to worry, contraception is normally included.
8. Bulgarians
9. Swedes
10. Octopus
But if sexbot met you IRL he'd show you what real thumbing is.
beep
In the spirit of furthering your gastronomical education you are being presented with...
sexbot's Top 7 Favorite Foods
1. Wholesome Duck
Unless your asexual hiney hasn't been following all of sexbot's posts (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?9402-sexbot) this one needs only some moderate explanation.
http://i39.tinypic.com/29vb8df.jpg
This dish is brutally demoralizing to the taste buds when chilly but it can be a classy, sharp, adorable, hot and intelligent experience as surges of unspeakable and complicated flavors erupt in sexbot's mouth (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_oueK1OQYA) when it allows sexbot to pamper it correctly.
When selecting duck you should go for ducklings. Young but not too young is best. If you think you've found young duck make sure you know its age. If you find out it's 35 years old but looks early 20s then it probably has Down's Syndrome and you should avoid it.
Another useful tip for you to know is that, while duck can run on just about any type of food, always go for duck raised on a diet of sticky rice and bananas. Don't ask sexbot why it makes for the best and most succulent duck - it just does. TRUST ME. I know
Currently and unrighteously absent from sexbot's menu this prime dish is very hard to come by and know that it is not for the faint of heart if you do actually find it.
When duck gets mad it doesn't see red - it sees yellow and if that doesn't freak the shit out of you sexbot dares you to fuck with the duck.
This sometimes foul fowl can ravage your soul, breaking your spirit beyond repair and leave you too weak to even lick your wounds.
Even the bot can barely handle it so you unchosen and mere mortals take heed lest you perish in its contempt.
If duck rejects you and you aren't too hurt then always remember that day and be grateful.
You don't get to pick this dish. It picks you. Either embracingly or to pieces.
This main course is banned in Japan and Fugu liver has got nothing on it.
Duck is sexbot's top food and it is so with a bullet.
Duck can be like a powerful man.
It comes at a hefty cost.
You have been warned.
2. Pussy Cat
Even though these are not all made out of gold, as some suppliers might have us believe, it is nevertheless still quite a staple of sexbot's insatiable diet.
http://oi42.tinypic.com/33jsbnk.jpg
There's not much sexbot can really say about this one.
How many ways are there to describe a black, wet hole?
When not available or just for the sake of variety the number 10 food on sexbot's list might serve as an acceptable alternative.
3. Boneless Chicken Breasts
Moist, succulent and boneless, before sexbot gets in it, these head supports are a real comfort food for sexbot.
When handy, breast is the kind of quick snack that sexbot grabs when he wakes up famished in the middle of the night and is too drowsy to get up and start cookin' as he normally does.
http://oi40.tinypic.com/2e4c31l.jpg
Despite conventional belief chicken breast is complemented very well by cow's milk.
http://oi44.tinypic.com/2hx8660.jpg
Kinky.
Duck breasts are preferred but are now extinct.
sexbot got carried away and had them all.
Sorry.
4. Turkey Thigh
Many people believe that turkey can make you sleepy due to the levels of the amino acid "Tryptophan"
I don't know if that's true or not but after the bot devours these thighs for days even he is ready to take a short nap before going back for more helpings.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/vqtxrr.jpg
sexbot got worked up quite a bit writing this section and is very relieved for just having remembered that Thanksgiving is tomorrow, allowing him a release he won't have to wait too long for now. You poor turkey. sexbot's gonna do you like he does duck.
5. Pork Butt
To quote the words of sexbot's love-life saboteur and Apricity's resident Bulgarian Swede (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?6269-H%E0kon), after witnessing our Mr. Brown Sugar's (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?8752-Be-Real) little Tiny Chat cam flashing accident last October, "I wouldn't mind a piece of that ham!"
As much as I hate to agree with this troublemaker I have to say "So would I."
http://oi44.tinypic.com/qx9tp0.jpg
^ Just look at that shitter. sexbot wonders if it can twerk.
While sexbot would do unnameable things to that rump he's not digging the snout too much and he'd much prefer a duck face on it.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/fjkndv.jpg
6. Beach Whale
In some weird night of Tiny Chat where sexbot was pestered by Fàkon's oppressor (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/member.php?6269-H%E0kon) into choosing between males on cam, sexbot proclaimed he doesn't need to pick from such a small selection, since there are plenty of fish in the sea. Besides that, who does she think she was talking to? Not sexbot apparently. sexbot has all the options.
My arch-enemy then replied by asking me "Why would you pick from fish in the sea when you can have a whale on the beach?"
Not being sure whether or not this tricky and cryptic question was flirty in nature sexbot was neverthless pleased by being made aware of another possible addition to his grocery list.
While washed up beach whale is really the maritime equivalent of road kill I have to say it can offer some squishy mouth fun - not to mention something pliable to hang on to should sexbot ever be falling off the dining room table during a night of blubbery and slippery enjoyment.
http://oi41.tinypic.com/2lw9dtt.jpg
That being said the bot will only accept prime cuts of this and would require the cooperation of a top number 1 whaler to hook one of these big babies.
When whale is not available the whaler could be an acceptable alternative.
If you decide to go for the whaler over the actual whale under no circumstance should you try to smooth talk your whaler by saying "I'll make you spasm violently, sending ripples around your crevices while you gasp for air like a shivering beach whale on a damp, valleyed shore." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIdgzoCNDzY)
It doesn't work.
Unless you're sexbot.
In addition to that, sexbot's duck warning applies to the whalers as well.
You have been twice warned.
7. Civil Engineers
Limited research has shown that the average IQ of civil engineers residing near large fishing industries is in about the 135 range (or higher).
Some of the researchers' conjecture states that this could be indicative of a large consumption of fish oils by some engineers.
http://oi43.tinypic.com/2jc7joy.jpg
Whether or not this is true, and also considering that this suspected correlation may not be a contributing factor to their intellectual competence, this assertion is really moot where sexbot is concerned.
Being a particularly rare type of intellect in his own right, and built not only for a very narrow and particular type of prowess but for high cerebral performance as well, sexbot needs not this food for brain power but occasionally consumes it as a tasty way of lubricating all of his nano-organs and as a slick change of pace from his usual licentious activities.
Civil engineers make a very good lubricant for sexbot. They are always very well prepared and so, no need to worry, contraception is normally included.
8. Bulgarians
9. Swedes
10. Octopus