Chuck Norris Facts

[Hadouken]

I know it is kinda sucked dry but i still like the jokes very much :D

post your favorite ones

- When Chuck Norris Does Push-Ups He Doesn't Push Up He Pushes The Earth Down :D

- If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef!!!! ...lmfao :lol:

- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill

- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

- Chuck Norris can do push ups and sit ups at the same time

- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

[GrebluBro]

Imagine Rajinikanth as Chuck Norris :thumb001: and have fun :rotfl:

Rajinikanth does not need a watch, he decides what time it is
When Osama found that Rajinikanth is to help US to find him, he shot himself to death
Ghosts sit around campfire and tell Rajinikanth stories
Rajinikanth already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life
Once a Police officer caught Rajinikanth, the cop was lucky enough to escape with a warning
Rajinikanth can make onions cry!
Rajinikanth can watch the Radio !
Rajinikanth built the hospital he was born in
Harvard got it's MBA from Rajinikanth
Rajinikanth knows the last digit of pi
Once Rajinikanth bite an apple and threw it away, not its is known as Apple computers logo
There is no April 1st in Rajini calendar, because no one can fool him
Dark spots on the Moon are the result of Rajinikanth's shooting practice
Rajinikanth can Like a Facebook post even before it is posted
Rajinikanth died before 20 years, Death doesn't have the courage to tell him yet
Once Rajinikanth kicked a man, later he is remembered for being the first Man to Land on Moon
When anyone says "No one is Perfect", Rajinikanth takes it as a personal insult.
Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin !
Gmail's email address gmail@rajinikanth.com
Monalisa got her smile from Rajinikanth
Rajinikanth know "Choli ke peeche kya hai"
Rajinikanth got nobel prize in acting.
When Rajini wants the lights on, he simply turns the dark off !
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he already had 3 missed calls from Rajinikanth
Once Rajinikanth signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced!
Rajinikanth can hit 6 sixes in one ball
Rajinikanth can play Tequila shot in Cricket
Rajinikanth stopped playing cricket these days, because even if he plays a defensive shot, it lands on moon
Once Stephen Hawking tried to convince Rajinikanth, He got what he deserved .
Rajinikanth counted to Infinity many times
Its a lie if any country other than India says that they have weapons of mass destruction, because Rajinikanth lives here.
Rajinikanth can drown a fish
Hollywood wants to make a movie Alien vs Rajinikanth, but they fear that Rajni may beat the Alien in just few seconds and people don't watch a few
seconds movie.
Rajinikanth can play a Violin with a piano
Rajinikanth knows what came first Egg or Chicken !
Once death has "Near Rajinikanth experience"
Once Rajinikanth and Superman had a competition, The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants!
When Rajinikanth visits Intel's office, they change their caption "Rajini Inside"
Its only when Rajinikanth jumped onto earth from other planet, All the dinosaurs extincted
Rajinikanth can make fire using two ice cubes
Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door
Guinness World Records requested Rajini to not compete, else their book becomes a single line "All Records Won by Rajinikanth"
Paul The Octopus was asked to predict Rajini's IQ…. poor Paul!
Amitabh Bachchan maybe be the host but only Rajinikanth knows Kaun banega crorepati !
Once Rajinikanth kicked a horse in the chin.. It's decendents were found to be giraffes!!
When Rajinikanth logs into twitter, twitter informs Rajnikant What's happening!
Rajinikanth B.com Accounting Answer Paper is Termed as "Accounting Standards"
When Rajinikanth plays skipping, we face Earth Quakes !
The earth spins faster when Rajinikanth goes for Running !
Rajinikanth can speak in Braille
Rajinikanth once went to The Virgin Islands, later it is know as "The Islands"
Rajinikanth beat the Sun in Staring at each other Contest !
Rajinikanth tears can cure the Cancer, but the sad thing is Rajnikanth never cries
Rajinikanth can remember the Future !
Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.
Rajinikanth doesn't age, because time cannot keep up with him
Rajinikanth can paste something even before he copy it
When Rajinikanth logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!
There are nothing like seasons, Its just Rajinikanth who changes the temperature when he gets bored !
Rajinikanth don't like the other side of Moon! That's why its not visible from earth
Why Rajinikanth have less hair ?? In old days people used to use them to Cut Diamonds !
Rajinikanth completely read the book Facebook many times !
When Google wants to search something, they search Rajinikanth
Rajinikanth can divide by Zero !
Rajinikanth can actually run faster than his own legs
Rajinikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Rajinikanth got his drivers license at the age of 12 Seconds.
To score more than 1600 in GRE, write Rajinikanth as answer to every question
Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rajinikanth once emotionally break down, emotion begged him for mercy
Rajinikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.
When Rajinikanth asks you a question, there is no answer
Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rajinikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajinikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
It takes Rajinikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajinikanth ' PC will crash.
Rajinikanth can breathe in Vacuum
Rajinikanth can type a sentence on a calculator
Rajinikanth can judge a book by its Cover
Rajinikanth is the only weapon allowed inside an aeroplane
Rajinikanth's emails never come back Undelivered
Light just wishes it can one day beat Rajinikanth
Rajinikanth can smell the sound
Cigarettes smoked by Rajinikanth die from lung cancer
Actually Rajinikanth doesn't walk, he stays at one place and move the earth with his feet
Rajinikanth can break one side of a glass !
Rajinikanth can boil a egg in ice water
Rajinikanth wears sunglasses to protect the Sun from his powerful gaze


Read more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/best-of-rajinikanth-jokes/1/330861.html


Read more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/best-of-rajinikanth-jokes/1/330861.html

[Seraph of the End]

These are good x'D

- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
- Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
- Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

[Kamal900]

Chuck norris is so tough that he actually shot down an airplane with his two fingers and yelled BANG!

Chuck noris is so tough that he used his own pubic hair for steel wool.

The Nemesis is Chuck Norris little bitch.

[Hadouken]

how is this :

- Chuck Norris can fit in any Country in the world as a Native :p :o

just invented it right now (dont know if it already exists though :D)

[Smaug]

Chuck Norris checks every night under his bed to see if Clint Eastwood is not there.

http://s1.totaloutdoornetwork.com/UserFiles/15/158/15806/2a/p_2a238a7feca1a3b8f3f494038249e6dd.jpg

[Kamal900]

Chuck Norris checks every night under his bed to see if Clint Eastwood is not there.

http://s1.totaloutdoornetwork.com/UserFiles/15/158/15806/2a/p_2a238a7feca1a3b8f3f494038249e6dd.jpg

Chuck norris is so tough that when he had the flu, he had accidentally infected the entire raccoon city and turned it's inhabitants into Zombies.

Chuck Norris is so tough that even he had sex with a lot of women and males, he is still a virgin and straight.

Chuck Norris is able to make butter by round-house kicking the cows.

Chuck Norris kicked his way out of his mother's womb during his birth.

AIDS dosen't kill Chuck, Chuck kills AIDS.

Chuck is so tough that he was able to stop a nuclear warhead with his bare hands.

[Kamal900]

how is this :

- Chuck Norris can fit in any Country in the world as a Native :p :o

just invented it right now (dont know if it already exists though :D)

Or you could say; Chuck isn't part of humanity, he is humanity.

[Linebacker]

I don't understand all the hype about this guy.If he was so great he would have came right now and slam my head into the KeyboADAJHFJKSAHGKJAHGSNAKJGBJKHGBJHGBGJHABGJHBAJH GBAJHGBAJHBGAJHGBAH

[CordedWhelp]

Lol...I remember when everyone and their mother were reciting and giggling at these, my senior year of h.s. 2005-2006 timeframe.

[Kalimtari]

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Chuck+Norris_482f06_3242608.jpg

[Hadouken]

I don't understand all the hype about this guy.If he was so great he would have came right now and slam my head into the KeyboADAJHFJKSAHGKJAHGSNAKJGBJKHGBJHGBGJHABGJHBAJH GBAJHGBAJHBGAJHGBAH

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHA omg

[Kalimtari]

http://fakeplus.com/pictures/jpg/-chuck-norris-knows-all-your-passwords_20120501194300.jpg

[Kalimtari]

http://wtfcontent.com/img/135655686006

[Parça do Neymar]

post your favorite ones

The one that made its way onto the big screen, 1:58:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDJUVOaeUag

This isn't a boomer action movie, this is a documentary.

[The Blade]

Chuck Norris farts gold.