Stay Together For The Kids

[Ariets]

(title of this thread is name of a song written by blink182 )


What do you think about people who are divorcing from whatever reason while having together kids who are still growing?

Dont you think its extremly selfish? That these people, parents doesnt really care about their own children*? Every psychologist will agree (I had somewhere statistics and few notes, but I dont have it near me caue Im away from my second-home, later Ill post them) that the best for the kids is when parents are together, when kids are growing in full family (maybe some modern 'progressive' or leftie psychologists wouldnt agree). And when these parents are divorcing, they dont think 'what will be with the kids now' but more like 'who will take the kids', they think about own goods. People of that kind usualy claim that they love their children as nothing else, but if you love someone you rather would be sacraficing yourself and own happiness, for the person you love (here kid).

Priorities and values in modern times has changed, we're living in empty times with empty people.:coffee:


*with few exceptions, ie. abuse.

here's some statistics: http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsWorld.shtml

I had no idea where to post this thread, so I posted it here, in Ot section.

[Liffrea]

My brother got divorced last year, he has three children 19 and 17 (in my opinion grown up to deal with it) and an 8 year old girl. I won’t go into circumstances, not my business to elaborate, but it would have been intolerable conditions if they had staid together. Are two parents at each others throats better than a child visiting each parent? I don’t know, I’ve never been married or in any real long term relationships, I don’t have children so I have no basis for judgment. My mother died, so that was probably easier than her just leaving, death has a full stop behind it, it’s, perhaps, easier to deal with. Undoubtedly two parents in a child’s life is better than one but circumstances dictate do they not?

[Sol Invictus]

Priorities and values in modern times has changed, we're living in empty times with empty people.:coffee:


Amen to that!

[nisse]

My friend's mom divorced her dad a few years ago, as soon as her younger brother turned 18. Basically, the mom stopped wanting to be with the dad a long time ago but she was "staying together for the kids"...My friend hates her father with a passion now, and has hated him for as long as I remember...Even before her parents were divorced I remember her telling me that she wished her mom would just divorce "the loser" and stop wasting her life.

Now, there's nothing actually "wrong" with the dad - he's may be lazy and drinks for recreation, but that's pretty much that - not an alcoholic (well, now he is, but he wasn't), not abusive, has a decent job, etc.

I think my friend's family situation may have compromised her ability to ever be in a healthy relationship. :ohwell:

I think the problem is that married people can't (or won't bother to?) work out their problems - not for the kids - for themselves and everyone around them...Unlike before, divorce is "normal" and not even that hard (lots of flyers around this area: quick divorce for $200 :D)...

It's part of the disposable culture of today - not only are cups disposable, so are people :(.

[Svarog]

My parents divorced when I was younger, tho i fully supported such a move a not sure for the sister; Anyway, I still do think people who cannot stand each other should divorce, constant fights and crap like that can leave worse effect on the kids imo

[NordicPower]

I am truly disgusted by the modern idea that people can be disposable. I still deeply care for the people who were once close to me even if they are no longer in my life. People should not treat marriage so cavalierly as they often do these days. That said, if the couple have grown so much apart where the marriage becomes full of arguments and the arguments start turning violent... Or there is a case where one parent is abusive, it's better to take the kids and get out.

There is no cut and dry solution for this, but as a general rule, people need to have more discretion in choosing their spouses, and if the marriage starts to decline they both need to work at fixing it before it becomes too late, especially for the children.

[Jäger]

["Therefore test, who wants to bind himself forever,
Whether heart will find right heart.
The elation is short, the remorse is long. "]

"Drum prüfe, wer sich ewig bindet,
Ob sich das Herz zum Herzen findet.
Der Wahn ist kurz, die Reu’ ist lang." (F. Schiller, Das Lieder der Glocke)

The problem is that tested evaluation mechanisms for our life-partners have been abolished for the sake of individuality and short-lived satisfactions (the rule of the plebs).

[Jarl]

Dont you think its extremly selfish? That these people, parents doesnt really care about their own children*?

Agreed. It's self-love over the love for children.

[YellowRose]

Generally, I do not agree with divorce. I do believe that people should look at all options before they make the choice to divorce, with or without children. I believe today that marriage vows are not taken as seriously as they were 50 years ago.

However, if all options have been taken and there is no chance to reconcile, I do not think that parents should stay married solely for the fact that they have children. I agree that it is beneficial to have a child raised in the same household with both parents, but at the same time is it healthy for a child to live everyday knowing that his parents cannot stand each other and they are miserable, constantly fighting and only are stopped because of him/her? That is putting way too much pressure on the child and can begin to make them feel at fault.

If I knew my parents hated one another and were only staying together for me, it would make me feel extremely bad (even if it wasn't my fault). I would feel like I was the the reason my parents could not move on and be happy again.

I feel that if a divorce happens, I think not only does it have to do with the divorce and change itself, but has to do with how the parents treat each other. If the parents can make it civil and divorce on good terms, get along and communicate for the best interest of the children, then I believe a child will have a MUCH easier time vs parents that are ugly and bitter at one another and who constantly put the child in the middle of all their problems or use the child(ren) as a pawn in their pettiness.

I have had many friends come from divorced parents. Some did fine growing up because their parents were able to maintain a civil relationship. I have also had friends who had a hard time, but it was mainly due to the fact that they were "used" by the parents and the other parent was belittled by the other and they were told horrible things like "your daddy left you", "your mother is selfish", "your father didn't want to be a father anymore", "your dad found a new family and wants to be with his other kids", "your father doesn't have time for you"... things like that are detrimental to a child's mental health and can lead to complications...

Divorce is hard on everyone, no matter where you are in it, a parent or a child.. what the important thing is how it is handled and to make certain that all the child's needs are met first.

[Frosty]

Dont you think its extremly selfish? That these people, parents doesnt really care about their own children*? Every psychologist will agree that the best for the kids is when parents are together, when kids are growing in full family
"Full family" is when both parents care for each other,respect and love each other.And if the time for a divorce has come it means something of the listed above is missing.Then,you have no "full family"any more and staying together just because of the kids is the worse thing that may happen.Kids will grow in cold family atmosphere/even without quarrels,shouting or so on/and will never be able to see tenderness and affection between their parents.
You can't pretend all your life and play roles as if all is normal,feeling and knowing it is not.Such relations are doomed-they end with "finding a lover" at some point and the kids don't deserve this type of drama.

[YellowRose]

"Full family" is when both parents care for each other,respect and love each other.And if the time for a divorce has come it means something of the listed above is missing.Then,you have no "full family"any more and staying together just because of the kids is the worse thing that may happen.Kids will grow in cold family atmosphere/even without quarrels,shouting or so on/and will never be able to see tenderness and affection between their parents.
You can't pretend all your life and play roles as if all is normal,feeling and knowing it is not.Such relations are doomed-they end with "finding a lover" at some point and the kids don't deserve this type of drama.

Exactly :thumb001: