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SuuT
01-11-2010, 05:43 PM
What is the nature of Trust?

Is it earned?

Given?

Both or neither?

Some other thing?


I trust everyone, initially, on principle. However, the flip-side of that coin of principle is that if that trust is betrayed even once, I never fully trust again: In this way, I am able to quickly filter-out the people who would not meet my expectations in a relationship that I believe is worthy to be called that. Naturally, there are few people in my life who I would label as anything other than an aquaintance - yet many of those would call me their friend.


Share your thoughts on the matter of Trust.

Svarog
01-11-2010, 05:50 PM
What is the nature of Trust?

In my opinion trust is an instinct and is not based on experiences as many people think it is. Oh, how many times people got fucked cause they had some nice experiences with someone and did whatever based on trust?


Is it earned?

Given?

Neither, trust cannot be earned or give imo, I have no idea how to explain my thoughts, it's simply beyond that.

I have weird way about this, I go by instinct, some people I trust and cannot explain why, some, I can't trust no matter what (even if they never really did anything to give me reason not to trust them) and sometimes I trust the most people I should not trust at all - I rarely fully trust people who keep saying me 'trust me'. As stupid as it sounds this worked great for me so far, never had any major betrayals, never got scammed, never had any problems because something based on trust collapsed.

Some would call it a paranoid behavior but even if I have a minor doubt about some person I stop trusting him/her and never trust again, not to mention, that, fuck me once, I'll never ever be able to trust you no matter what. Old saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Loddfafner
01-11-2010, 05:50 PM
I am quick in giving the benefit of a doubt, but building real trust is for me a very slow and gradual process.

Tabiti
01-11-2010, 05:53 PM
For me everyone is untrustworthy until proven otherwise.

SuuT
01-11-2010, 06:02 PM
For me everyone is untrustworthy until proven otherwise.

Strangely, even though I believe trust to be a given thing and I give it immediately, this is actually my gut instinct as well. But, for myself, I find it an all-too-Human trait and cynical to the point of being hostile and unhealthy. I think I'm finally at an age (place of wisdom?) where I can clearly identify when my gut instinct is no so much saving me from immediate harm, as it is causing me harm over the long-run.

I choose to trust; in so doing, I make those with whom I surround myself trustworthy: I believe me make our world.

Svanhild
01-11-2010, 07:32 PM
I make a distinction between trust and faith. Trust can be earned by people of whom I feel they are trustworthy. My initial gut feeling decides within seconds if someone has "it" or not: Either someone is trustworthy or someone is not. It's an intermixture of my gut feeling, face characteristics like gesticulation and mimic, verbal language, my skills of empathy and, of course, bias. These people can earn my trust over time. Others don't have that chance.

By doing this, I exclude people. I don't give them the opportunity to receive my trust.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/01/05/article-1240794-07C35812000005DC-413_468x306.jpg

Look at the photo. Everything on it tells me that they aren't trustworthy. Their looks, their face expression, their eyes, their body language. My subconscious mind gives me a loud and clear warning.

Long story made short, some people can earn my trust over time. But faith...I have only faith in myself.

Heimmacht
01-11-2010, 08:22 PM
It is given and then taken away.

Psychonaut
01-11-2010, 08:32 PM
I am quick in giving the benefit of a doubt, but building real trust is for me a very slow and gradual process.

This describes me as well. Although I'm skeptical in most regards, I do tend to trust that people are presenting themselves in a truthful manner. Like SuuT, once this trust is broken, it is nigh impossible to regain.

Birka
01-11-2010, 09:45 PM
I think the older you are, the less trusting you become. By my age I have been shit upon by my ex wife, friends, and my government. After that, trust is a valued and vanishing commodity.

The Black Prince
01-11-2010, 10:02 PM
I am quick in giving the benefit of a doubt, but building real trust is for me a very slow and gradual process.
This describes me as well. Although I'm skeptical in most regards, I do tend to trust that people are presenting themselves in a truthful manner. Like SuuT, once this trust is broken, it is nigh impossible to regain.
Same here, I accept most people and by doing that I also give them the benefit of the doubt. If they ruin it, I am able to forgive them, but the initial feeling of trust is away.

A real deep trust is build up in years of helping eachother out, and 'earned' so to say.

MarcvSS
01-11-2010, 10:07 PM
Trust is a farce...

As soon as people can get better on any given situation they will...

They will stab you in the back...

Beorn
01-11-2010, 10:28 PM
Real trust only exists within the core family unit. Outside of that family unit it takes along time for trust to be built up between myself and another person.

A person can break a degree of trust, but I can still operate a system of trust with them, but the system merely works twice as hard to compensate for the previous failing.

I also believe that trust has multiple facets. There are many, many things I would place my life on due to there being a high degree of trust with my Father, but in some cases I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. It isn't to say my Father isn't trustworthy, as I can assure you the man is very trustworthy, but the trust starts to falter where my own reliability and belief in trusting the system fails.

nisse
01-11-2010, 11:06 PM
I can't help trusting some people. Others have proven themselves worthy over years.

Most people I don't trust and never will trust.

I don't trust anyone with all of me though.

MarcvSS
01-11-2010, 11:17 PM
Real trust only exists within the core family unit.
Not true...

Beorn
01-11-2010, 11:19 PM
Not true...

Okay, depending upon the "normality" of the core family. Or is it something else?

Gooding
01-12-2010, 03:54 AM
Trust is a gift. In general terms, I'll trust a few upon acquaintance, if I feel that the trust is deserved.Normally, I don't get that vibe, but when I do, I'll give trust..reservedly and with boundaries. Trust is obviously individual(i.e., I wouldn't trust my blood sister to get the mail, but I'd trust certain people I've known only for a couple of years to care for my daughter) and like anything else worth having, trust needs to be nourished and cared for to grow. When my trust has been betrayed beyond a certain point, I'll write off the person in question without a second thought. So yes, trust can be initially given within certain perameters, but then mutual work to establish mutual trust must begin.

Grumpy Cat
01-12-2010, 04:11 AM
Trust is earned.

I don't trust many people. I used to give trust but I've been stabbed in the back so many times that I learned my lesson.

Amarantine
01-12-2010, 01:31 PM
Fide, sed cui, vide!

MarcvSS
01-12-2010, 04:18 PM
Okay, depending upon the "normality" of the core family. Or is it something else?Well I come from a rich line of backstabbers amongst kin...

Money was the foremost reason for betraying eachother...

I know allot of familys where trust is a farfeched emotion...

Liffrea
01-13-2010, 03:58 PM
It’s earned.

Once betrayed it's lost for good and never won back.

Freomęg
01-13-2010, 04:20 PM
I voted "other" because I believe trust should be given until broken. Innocent until proven guilty for the first time. A child should be born trusted, but the first time they betray, the betrayed has every right to withhold trust until it has been earned again.

Grumpy Cat
01-13-2010, 04:41 PM
I voted "other" because I believe trust should be given until broken. Innocent until proven guilty for the first time. A child should be born trusted, but the first time they betray, the betrayed has every right to withhold trust until it has been earned again.

I believe a child is born innocent, but as far as adults and teenagers are concerned, they're not to be trusted until they've proven they can be trusted. I learned this in life the hard way, and it took me getting screwed over many times to learn it too.

I take my cues from the feline world: Cats inherently don't trust you, until you've proven yourself trustworthy... then to show you that they trust you, they roll over and expose their belly. Well I don't roll over and expose my belly, but you get what I'm saying.

Ariets
01-13-2010, 06:11 PM
Earned. Nothing's for free.

But I trust myself only, although not fully

Loddfafner
01-14-2010, 12:50 AM
If somebody does betray your trust, is there any room for redemption? Maybe that is a topic for its own thread (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/showthread.php?p=159031).

Eldritch
01-14-2010, 10:34 AM
First earned, then given, in my case.

And by trust I mean I would trust you with my life. Or not.