Stefan_Dusan
11-20-2014, 02:29 AM
This is a spinoff of my other thread but might as well share, it's part of Balkan/European culture.
Back in time of communist Yugoslavia, apparently my father's first cousin romantically fell in love with a Croatian. I'm not sure on exact story (he was in the JNA and met her) but she ended up falling in love as do many young women. Her father was against it, for reasons unclear to me. It could be because he was Croatian or for other reasons, the Croatian part didn't help for sure. She ended up defying her father and running away and marrying him. They moved to Beograd, in the process she tried to reconnect with her family only to find a father telling her he doesn't recognize her as his daughter anymore. I guess they made several attempts to come back into contact, after their first son was born (and only to my knowledge) but no such luck.
How I fit into this is apparently my father and this cousin were very close until the marriage. And she/they several times reached out specifically to my father's family however no luck with my father either. But when I began to dig for information on my father, my mother directed me to them, and that's how I learned the story for the first time. Not only did the family disown them, they kept it fairly well a secret, that I was 27 before I actually knew this story.
Well the twist on all this is she has Alzheimer's developed some years ago I guess. In her current state, she can't move at all and is spoon fed food. I happened to visit him and her last September. He looked in great condition, energetic and emotional, his mother slaving after her, keeping her alive.
The first thing he said to me "To me, I just love family. Whoever they are, and wherever they are". I think he was deliberately doing a jab on my father's family. I found out he has a weekend home near Split, Croatia but cannot go to it because he is so dedicated to my aunt and nursing her in what is her last moments. And it was the first time I saw her if you can call what I see her. What struck me in all of this was his dedicated love for her, I felt very moved to sadness by his persistence in everything and how he felt very hurt the fact the family rejected her even in death. He wanted me to see their son, technically my cousin, but he was in Croatia. He invited me to that weekend home some time even though it was tacit invitation upon her death.
When I saw some family, I brought her up, the younger generations didn't even know and the older generations snorted. They tried to cast her as "too free and loose woman" in an attempt to shame her, which I couldn't tell if was true or just wild rumors.
Up to this moment, I never felt disowning was a big punishment, but something about this incident felt heavy in its totality. Share your experiences anyways.
Back in time of communist Yugoslavia, apparently my father's first cousin romantically fell in love with a Croatian. I'm not sure on exact story (he was in the JNA and met her) but she ended up falling in love as do many young women. Her father was against it, for reasons unclear to me. It could be because he was Croatian or for other reasons, the Croatian part didn't help for sure. She ended up defying her father and running away and marrying him. They moved to Beograd, in the process she tried to reconnect with her family only to find a father telling her he doesn't recognize her as his daughter anymore. I guess they made several attempts to come back into contact, after their first son was born (and only to my knowledge) but no such luck.
How I fit into this is apparently my father and this cousin were very close until the marriage. And she/they several times reached out specifically to my father's family however no luck with my father either. But when I began to dig for information on my father, my mother directed me to them, and that's how I learned the story for the first time. Not only did the family disown them, they kept it fairly well a secret, that I was 27 before I actually knew this story.
Well the twist on all this is she has Alzheimer's developed some years ago I guess. In her current state, she can't move at all and is spoon fed food. I happened to visit him and her last September. He looked in great condition, energetic and emotional, his mother slaving after her, keeping her alive.
The first thing he said to me "To me, I just love family. Whoever they are, and wherever they are". I think he was deliberately doing a jab on my father's family. I found out he has a weekend home near Split, Croatia but cannot go to it because he is so dedicated to my aunt and nursing her in what is her last moments. And it was the first time I saw her if you can call what I see her. What struck me in all of this was his dedicated love for her, I felt very moved to sadness by his persistence in everything and how he felt very hurt the fact the family rejected her even in death. He wanted me to see their son, technically my cousin, but he was in Croatia. He invited me to that weekend home some time even though it was tacit invitation upon her death.
When I saw some family, I brought her up, the younger generations didn't even know and the older generations snorted. They tried to cast her as "too free and loose woman" in an attempt to shame her, which I couldn't tell if was true or just wild rumors.
Up to this moment, I never felt disowning was a big punishment, but something about this incident felt heavy in its totality. Share your experiences anyways.