How Strict Were/Are Your Parents?

[Katariina]

Did they set many boundaries and rules? Or were they more laid-back than most parents? Now that you are an adult, do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life? Would they ever disown you for something, and what is it?
Did they set boundaries for you in any of the following: alcohol, relationships, politics, religion, sexuality, etc.?

My parents are quite balanced, maybe a little more strict than not. I doubt they'd disown me for anything I chose to do, unless it was something that obviously affected other peoples lives (ex: violence). But they raised me right and happy, so they don't worry about what I do.

[Black Wolf]

Mine were/are balanced.

[Oneeye]

Very strict for most of my youth.


I turned into a wildchild in the later absence of it though, and LOL, they don't get to give me "boundries" as an adult. That kind of manchild nonsense should be left for junkies.

[Shah-Jehan]

My parents are balanced too, but I don't think I've ever passed the "limits" they've set for me.

[Gooding]

They were pretty strict. They were also fair, so it wasn't that bad and in fact, sometimes it was pretty good.

[Beit El]

They were quite loose. Ironically I think it's because the gender division was quite traditional.

[Linebacker]

I was free to do and go wherever I want but my grandfather always insisted on my physical training.

I remember we had times where he would sit on a chair reading his newspaper and I would carry a pile of big ass stones from one side to the other until he said it was enough.

Other times he would wake me up early in the morning to jog around the neighborhood,many things like that.

[SupaThug]

Mine are very strict,but I still manage to do what I want without harming the image of a ''good boy'' that they have of me.They trust me and consider me to be very mature in most aspects.

[Kazimiera]

I grew up in a VERY laissez-faire family. My dad left my mom when I was about 3, never to seen of heard of again. I was raised by my mom and my grandma who were both VERY permissive. In retrospect it placed a lot of responsibility on me at a very young age because I was responsible for the decisions I made and also the consequences.

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend of 24. My mom and grandma knew we were having sex. It's only a matter of time before it happens and she knew that I was going to do it regardless of what anyone said. (Since when can you tell a teenager what to do?) Instead of trying to place restrictions on me she bought me a double bed and he moved in. Her motivation for this decision was that since it was going to happen she didn't want me hanging around nightclubs and other unsavory places with him, doing in the parking lot or in the back of his car. If he lived with us it would guarantee me being me home in the evenings, doing homework and then (obviously) having sex - or not - when I went to bed. It wasn't a bad decision because my school marks were good and my boyfriend helped me with my homework. We were together for a year. :D

When I was 17 I got a new boyfriend and he moved in too. He was 10 years older than me. We were determined to get married. My mom knew it wasn't going to work out but instead of standing in my way and trying to tell me what to do (I wouldn't have listened anyway) she let us go ahead with it. I was 18 when I got married, with stars in my eyes, convinced that this was true love. At the end of the day it was a marriage just on paper. I don't even classify it as a marriage which is why I never mention it. I got divorced when I was 21. My mother and grandmother never interfered in any of my business.

My mom and grandma let me make my own decisions and mistakes and were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on but they never did the "I told you so!"

My mom didn't get involved with my schooling. She paid for me to go to school and I was left alone to carry on by myself. I did well because I was determined to get a good education. There was no support at home. Also, I was not encouraged (nor discouraged) to go to university. At the end of the day the decision was with me. When I wanted to study to be a paramedic there was no money, so I sold my engagement ring (I guess getting married at 18 had its advantages in the end). After that I managed to get myself into a university and organised to pay for it myself (which is another story in its own).

In retrospect, I don't know if I would be so permissive. The world has changed a little since the time when I was a teenager. I don't have children so I won't be placed in the situation where I have to make these decisions. I wish that my mom was more involved with me, but I am one of those people who are determined to do what they want to do and will pull out all the stops to achieve what I want. She was working full time because my dad never paid maintenance for me. She spent her time bringing in money for us to survive. It wasn't easy on her. I am sure she wanted to spend more time with me but she just couldn't. She worked from 8am to 5pm every day and on Sundays she was so tired that she just slept because the week ahead meant more work.

It worked out well in the end because of my personality. Had I been a different person with a less responsible personality it could have had a different outcome. My upbringing was rather "unique" but it was what it was. I'm a tenacious survivor.

[Unome]

My parents were about 95% Liberal, 5% Strict (Conservative)

I am very fortunate to have free imagination and creativity; but the price is aimlessness and lacking distinct goals in life.

Another benefit is irreligious, not conforming to a definitive religious/spiritual system. Free thought is very valuable & important to me.

[Bezprym]

They are strict, but always could be worse. There are some tensions between us, anyway. Sometimes I think they are people, who think everything around them is "The Sims" game. But I am a virus in this game that do not let them to live my life.

do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life?

Yes. They expect me to be a guy they want me to become. But everyone is individual and knows better what is good for us - our parents are not the people who will determine our life.

alcohol

Yes, but it changed slightly. Firstly, they were against it. I was supposed to be a son, who will follow their bs. I decided to be myself. Now they do not have much problems with me drinking a beer or two, but they still are brave warriors in "Crusade_Against_Me_Drunk". I still receive phone calls "Where are you? When you'll come back? Just try to be drunk!". So in case of alcohol they try to change something, but I still will do what I want.

On the other hand, they gave up totally in case of cigarettes. I don't know what would they do about weed, but I avoid it myself.

relationships

I have not problems with that. They do nothing about it, they simply want me to be in relationship, while I do not. It's the only difference between our views.

politics

Totally no problems. We do not talk often about it. It may be also depending on the country, as we are Polish it is normal for every single Pole to be against current government. Situation changes during elections, but even then we do not argue and they do not try to force me in voting.

religion

I was raised in Roman Catholic family. They are quite "crazy" in point of view of religion. Even though I said once or twice, that I do not believe, they try to convince me to go the church. Sometimes I go, but in some holy days only. Religion and alcohol are the biggest problems here. I don't know if they even take seriously my views.

sexuality

I never talked about it with them, and I doubt if they want to know anything in that matter. Tabboo here.


Simply, I live my own life. I don't care about their wishes and their plans. But there are some problems and they are strict in general, but they know they will achieve nothing.

[Jarla87]

My parents were - in some eyes - strict. But it depends on what you are used to.
My mom always said: "I am not her friend, I am her mom. My daughter has friends in her Age."
I think that`s pretty good. My parents were strict but loving.
There were borders and if I crossed them ... o O.
For example using bad words against them, being disobient, rude, brash, lying and so on. Then I got the rod.
But only until I was 13. For me it was pretty clear what to do and what not to do.
Also in School: Forgetting homework, bad marks, being disrespectful to the teacher. No way for me.

With 14 they changed. For many it might be normal but for me it was a whole new world.
I could schedule my day as I wanted and they told me I Need to make my own decisions and my own experiences.
Sure we had some rules but it was o.k.

Now that you are an adult, do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life?

No, absolutely not. I do what I want, we see us once a month and all they are concerned is that I`m happy ... and they et their grandchildren ;)

Would they ever disown you for something, and what is it? No. I do't think so. They say whatever I do I will still be their daughter, and it`s the same way I see my parents. I would never give them into an old-peoples home. They cared for me when I was a child how should I not help them the last years of their lives?

Alcohol
I grew up in a Family who is strongly against alcohol. I tried it a few times in my youth but I never got used to it and since 5 years I did not have anything that even contained it. Because of my Religion. My parents were even against drinking Cola. Which is pretty good. I never got used drinking lemonade or sth. similar.

Relationships
I can choose my friends of course. Also mostly in my childhood.

Politics
They are pretty open-minded about that.

Religion
There are two religions they don't want to have in their house.

Sexuality
As Long as I am not whoring around or am a lesbian they are pretty ok with everything.

Today we have a pretty much relaxed relationship. They invested a lot in me and I really appreciate it that they also taught me to never Forget our roots.

[UkrainianGirl]

You don't wanna know.....lol
Horror movie lol

[Ylla]

do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life?

They have expectations for me but they don't control me anymore. I value their advise and turn to them for help
alcohol

They allowed me to drink wine at the table for dinner but never to go out and get drunk.
relationships

No, not even thinkable to date.
politics

They don't mind as long as i'm not a nazi or anything.
religion

not so religious which is something i wish was different.
sexuality

Never spoke about this with my parents.lool

[EL_BARBARO]

My father, strictly military attitude.

[Marzipan]

My life was held by strong firm gentle hands.

[Ryujin]

do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life?

Not really. I choose my own path.

alcohol

My dad is an alcoholic, he really appreciates the alcohol. My mom has no problem with me drinking it but she doesn't want me to end up like my dad.

relationships

Dad doesn't care. Mom is really eager to get to know about my relationships with girls.

politics

Dad is a hardline Kemalist and opponent of the government, mom is a little bit more moderate but she's turning more and more anti-government.

religion

Neither are practicing religious people, dad doesn't really give a shit while mom at least has some respect for the religion (we went to churches together too, she doesn't hate other religions or anything)

Sexuality

They told me to be cautious about it (condoms and such) that's all.

[Ziveth]

Did they set many boundaries and rules? Or were they more laid-back than most parents? Now that you are an adult, do they still set boundaries and have expectations for your life? Would they ever disown you for something, and what is it?
Did they set boundaries for you in any of the following: alcohol, relationships, politics, religion, sexuality, etc.?

My parents are quite balanced, maybe a little more strict than not. I doubt they'd disown me for anything I chose to do, unless it was something that obviously affected other peoples lives (ex: violence). But they raised me right and happy, so they don't worry about what I do.

My father is a bit strict, my mother no, not at all.

[Sekarotuinen]

Not really super strict overall, my mom is stricter than my dad.

[Harley]

I'm the oldest of six kids. I believe my parents were more restrictive on me than two of my siblings, one who was a year younger and the other who is three years younger. While those two siblings were allowed to join after school clubs, hang out, participate in different events, I was not allowed to do this regularly and had to come home to watch my youngest siblings( 6, 8, and 9 year age difference). I was in the top 5 in elementary, middle, and beginning of high school. I felt that I should have been able to do more, but my mom said that she only trusted me to watch them, so I did.

My dad tended to use me as an enforcer. It was up to me to monitor the others' behaviors or my ass was grass. My dad also asked me to protect my brother from whatever fights I could when he could have been shipped off to a punishment school. I had to KO another kid who wouldn't stop harassing my brother.

This dependence from my parents lead to them being more strict and judgmental on how I spent my time. Despite qualifying to go to my dream college, and my dad having taken me there as well, I wasn't allowed to go there because I would have been alone, and therefore, up to no good. Then I qualified to go out of state on a scholarship, and live with my aunt. My dad talked me out of that, saying that the family needed me. So I stayed. He used that as a way to insist I was too much of an idiot to succeed anyway.

My parents have constantly used me as the third parent/adult when it came to decisions, but also have used emotional blackmail to set boundaries around me to control my movements.

My dad used to beat me until I was in my early 20s. He threatened to kill me when I stood my ground and refused to let him blame my mom or me for my bipolar sister's antics. From that point on, I kept my thoughts plain on my sleeve, as it became more upsetting for me to keep it to myself. I think the last time he laid hands on me, one of my sisters ran to my room when I was getting ready for work, hid behind me because my dad was trying to hurt her while she was holding my baby nephew. He demanded that I move, I said no, so he squared up and punched me point blank in the face twice. I then asked him if he was done being a bitch, and said that the reason no one takes him seriously is because he doesn't know how to act like a person worthy of listening to.

Fast forward years later, my mom is in this semi comatose condition, and it took a lot of fighting between me and my dad for him to start to balance out emotionally and mentally. He isn't the same man he was years ago when he did that.

I say all this because I want to say it. I don't have any bad feelings towards my parents. I understood at a very young age, probably about 7-8, that my parents had very traumatic childhoods. I also have never laid a hand on either of them or threatened them, because it's unnecessary. I know that I am not engaging with them, but their pasts.

My family tends to view me differently from my other female siblings because of my unique place in the family hierarchy. The younger siblings are extremely protective of me, and all of my siblings view me as another mother parent.

I tend to challenge the status quo with my parents. My mom says I am like my dad, but she also tended to put a lot of trust in me to do the right thing without prompt, though she was prone to do whatever she felt like. My dad relies on me to rope in everyone since my mom is unable to do it. When we talk, I have to place clear limitations when it comes to negative talking, because there's usually someone fighting somewhere between us, and I am the mediator. My dad will give me the abridged version of how he feels, then ask affectionately, "Was that enough bitching for one session?" then we laugh about it.

[Odin]

They were not strict, I wasn't a brat either. :laugh:

[Pigling]

My mother is sort of Liberal person.

I had modern way of rising.

[Ashlyn]

I am sure to some (cousins & friends mention it, but I don't see it because to me they weren't) my parents would be considered quite strict in many ways. Dad was quite authoritarian in the earlier / teenage years.

But they had established ground rules & boundaries, even when we were quite young, and these rules were enforced. It wasn't as if you did something stupid or went against their rules you were in for a belting. Rather because of the way our parents brought the four of us up as they treated us like young adults not entirely as children (or needing hands helded for every little thing) so we all knew independence & self-discipline early on. It was, in our household, expected for you to explain why you did this or that when told not to & oftentimes the resultant sense of disappointing a parent was quite effective discipline. Never been struck once, never had to have a "time out", never had to be bribed to behave, etc.


Alcohol

No. Some of my cousins & their friends were drinking underage. My parents just didn't encourage it. Rather the mentality was self-discipline. You could try it, same with other things, but you were supposed to know your limits & keep to those limits.

Relationships

I have never had either parent tell me off about a friend but then I have a very good sense about people. Sexual - spoke about it when young, expectations were don't whore around. I don't get involved with anyone that they'd have told me off about anyway.


Politics

Neither influenced anything with regards to political view and though I & mum have lively political discussions they aren't common.


Religion

Neither parent is highly religious (in the western sense) and even their parents weren't that religious; only one grandparent ever attended church routinely & that was more because of town expectations than anything for there was never a bible in the house.

[Bobby Martnen]

My parents were strict when I lived with them, but they've lightened up a lot since I've gone off to college.

When I have children, I will not be strict, with the exception that sex and dating are absolutely forbidden until they're 18.

[Smeagol]

Not really, I could basically do whatever I wanted.

[Bobby Martnen]

We were determined to get married. My mom knew it wasn't going to work out but instead of standing in my way and trying to tell me what to do (I wouldn't have listened anyway) she let us go ahead with it. I was 18 when I got married, with stars in my eyes, convinced that this was true love. At the end of the day it was a marriage just on paper. I don't even classify it as a marriage which is why I never mention it. I got divorced when I was 21. My mother and grandmother never interfered in any of my business.


I wish that I had gotten married at 18 for a few years so I could have some kids, and then divorce and get full custody.

I'm not really interested in having a wife, but I'd love to have some little MARTNENI1TES

[The Blade]

Balanced parents and I have never been a spoilt brat or a sissy with no opinion either.