Age at marriage

[nisse]

Discuss current trends, implications and what you see as optimal and why :).

This was prompted by complaints (from both sides) about the dating habits of the sexes in the "Damaged goods" thread (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17653), and my subsequent brief (and still unfinished) discussion with Osweo, which went something like this:


N *rant mode* reprint: In relationships, men whine about women all the time, but for some reason all the ones I've met have been children. I've had to do all the work in every relationship I've been in while all they do is offer to pay for dinner and make me go to their family gatherings or chat with their mothers, which interest me about as much as watching paint dry...and if you don't take the initiative and practically ask them out or tell them you're going to call the police they'll follow you around and creep you out at every turn - nice option they are ....

O: You're still a little girl yourself, and are complaining about little boys. Give them a few years, it can't be that bad yet in Kanada.

N: FYI - over half of my friends (my age) back in Ukraine are married.

O: Many of mine are, in Russia and England. We do it a bit later in England, in certain social classes, and probably in Canada. It's probably a bad trend, but we still get round to it sooner or later. My point was that you may be unfairly condemning lads who'll turn out okay in a few years' time.

N: I know that, but the fact that men of the same class in Ukraine are married at 22 and in Canada they are 7 year-old, maturity wise, just doesn't add up to me. May be I am being unfair, I guess I'll never know.

O: And conversely, I was shocked to see how quickly my friends married na Rusi. Off the top of my head, I'd say 25 or so would be a better age than 22... At least for the men. Perhaps the women should do earlier.

N: IMO 25 is pretty much perfect age for both genders. But before you get married you should be dating for at least 2 years, so 23 you need to be mature.

[blan]

its funny because since i was in my early 20s blacks always ask me Dave when are you going to get married? are you married? why not!!??? dont you want a wife and children?? for most of the populace there standard for marriage os a find a preety girl that can cook and clean and goes to church on sunday and has a nice warm freindly personality.
i wish it was that simple for me but it is not.
here i am just turned 28 and i am still not married in short i wish i was married but i dont think i need to anytime soon. i hear alot of men in progressive rich countries get married around 34-35 and women 26-29 is normal for them,
so i figure i have 7 years or so

[Grumpy Cat]

I am 28 and not married. Still single, actually.

My sister got married at 24.

My best friend is getting married this year, 27. Mid to late 20s is about average.

[blan]

I am 28 and not married. Still single, actually.

My sister got married at 24.

My best friend is getting married this year, 27. Mid to late 20s is about average.

hey guess what.....im single to :wink

[Rainraven]

I'll get married as soon as I find the right person. I had hoped I would have found them by now but no such luck :(

[nisse]

i wish it was that simple for me but it is not.
Why is it not that simple for you? Care to speculate?


here i am just turned 28 and i am still not married in short i wish i was married but i dont think i need to anytime soon.
Well, technically you don't "need" to get married at all...why do you feel you need to get married?


i hear alot of men in progressive rich countries get married around 34-35 and women 26-29 is normal for them, so i figure i have 7 years or so
But should it be normal?
Lots of my female married Canadian friends got married at ~28. Since you're not going to have a baby right away, they likely won't give birth until ~30-32, which is pretty late and right in the middle of their careers (so they may decide to delay it even further).

[blan]

I'll get married as soon as I find the right person. I had hoped I would have found them by now but no such luck :(

hey that reminds me!!...... im looking for the right person as well :wink

[Grumpy Cat]

I live in Eastern Canada, Alberta took all of our men. Hard to get married here.

There are even villages in this part of the country with no men (http://www.eleanorbeaton.com/userfiles/file/Chatelaine%20-%20Oil%20Patch%20Widows.pdf)

[blan]

Why is it not that simple for you? Care to speculate?


Well, technically you don't "need" to get married at all...why do you feel you need to get married?


But should it be normal?
Lots of my female married Canadian friends got married at ~28. Since you're not going to have a baby right away, they likely won't give birth until ~30-32, which is pretty late and right in the middle of their careers (so they may decide to delay it even further).

its not so simple for me due to issues of mind and spirit, i need more than good looks and and someone to cook dinner,
i need someone who understands my goals in life and will help support those so i can support there goals. they would need to have something in them that makes them special, i need someone who i have a connection with based on intellect and spiritual matters,
some one who has a good heart and understand me so i could be myself and not worry about putting on a show.
also where i live it is hard finding a woman of my racial background who i could marry
no i dont need to get married right now or ever i suppose but its a natural desire most humans have.
they want a family there own tribe some one to love and take care of and do the same for them, loneliness i suppose motivates these wants,

[blan]

I live in Eastern Canada, Alberta took all of our men. Hard to get married here.

There are even villages in this part of the country with no men (http://www.eleanorbeaton.com/userfiles/file/Chatelaine%20-%20Oil%20Patch%20Widows.pdf)

:eek::eek: for real!!! oh yesss!!!! i am taking a trip to cannada!!!

[Rainraven]

its not so simple for me due to issues of mind and spirit, i need more than good looks and and someone to cook dinner,
i need someone who understands my goals in life and will help support those so i can support there goals. they would need to have something in them that makes them special, i need someone who i have a connection with based on intellect and spiritual matters,
some one who has a good heart and understand me so i could be myself and not worry about putting on a show.
also where i live it is hard finding a woman of my racial background who i could marry
no i dont need to get married right now or ever i suppose but its a natural desire most humans have.
they want a family there own tribe some one to love and take care of and do the same for them, loneliness i suppose motivates these wants,

You sound too fussy for me, you want to connect on a spiritual level and you're a Christian.. :coffee:

[Grumpy Cat]

:eek::eek: for real!!! oh yesss!!!! i am taking a trip to cannada!!!

:lol: Yes but it is sad.

I was with a guy for a long time, but the oil patch took him away.

[blan]

You sound too fussy for me, you want to connect on a spiritual level and you're a Christian.. :coffee:

i said nothing about religion i said some one i connect with.
spiritual is an expression meaning matters of heart and mind,
i am a christian by culture and personal ideals and faith not according to religious institutions,

[blan]

:lol: Yes but it is sad.

I was with a guy for a long time, but the oil patch took him away.

oil patch?? what is it? tell me the name of these villages and i will be there very soon.

[Grumpy Cat]

oil patch?? what is it? tell me the name of these villages and i will be there very soon.

The bitumen sands (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athabasca_oil_sands) in Alberta.

Pretty much everywhere you go here, there is a lack of men. Good men, anyways.

[blan]

Pretty much everywhere you go here, there is a lack of men. Good men, anyways.

well i have one of those criteria covered for sure .....:D seriously i will be in this village very soon.

[Bloodeagle]

I don't think a man should marry until he has made a name for himself in the world or can at least offer some financial stability towards maintaining a family.
Nothing screws a relationship up quicker than being broke all of the time.:)

I first married at 20 with baby in tow. I was still a kid and had no skills to rely upon to make ends meet.
After 6 years of marriage we decided that we didn't even know each other anymore. So we split up.

It was a trial by fire.
We are both much happier now.:)

[blan]

I don't think a man should marry until he has made a name for himself in the world or can at least offer some financial stability towards maintaining a family.
Nothing screws a relationship up quicker than being broke all of the time.:)

I first married at 20 with baby in tow. I was still a kid and had no skills to rely upon to make ends meet.
After 6 years of marriage we decided that we didn't even know each other anymore. So we split up.

It was a trial by fire.
We are both much happier now.:)your right, my biggest goal is to be succesful and to have the money i need first

[Absinthe]

I think it's a matter of luck and circumstances, there's no such thing as an ideal age.

Many of the people who pressure themselves to get married before their 30s end up getting divorced because they did it just for the lulz.

[Groenewolf]

Ironically for some kind of reason this tread does not show any dating adds. Including that elite dating add. :coffee:

[Praamžius]

As male fertility starts to slowly decrease after age of 30 so something between 25 and 30 seems perfect , thought i wouldn't marry till i have my own home and stable job.

[Tabiti]

I don't want to marry. But If I'm going to live separately with someone, first I have to find a stable job for decent enough salary, so not to rely on parents. Parents like mine should be kept away, because they usually destroy all the world around you.
There is no proper age for marriage, however proper partners and mental maturity.

[The Ripper]

Marriage is an oppressive social construct, a vile remnant of the socio-religious patriarchy that kept women in bondage, the unsexy type of bondage, for millennia. Which is why I prefer welfare-dependent single-parenthood, that is less likely to corrupt future generations with the false conceptions of our socially and sexually repressed patriarchal past. :coffee:

[Psychonaut]

I don't think a man should marry until he has made a name for himself in the world or can at least offer some financial stability towards maintaining a family.
Nothing screws a relationship up quicker than being broke all of the time.:)

:nod:

I would hope, for my daughter, that she marries a man who has already achieved enough financial success to support a family. My daughter may not wish to be a Hausfrau like my wife, but I think that it is the duty of a husband to afford his wife that option. Also, I would rather see her married earlier than later (to a husband who is a bit older—teenage boys are ruh-tards), for biological reasons. We all know that the likelyhood of birth defects being present compounds with the age of the mother, and we know that girls mature (both physically and psychologically) at an earlier age than boys. So, to achieve some relative balance of maturity levels, financial security and biological safety the best match is probably the traditional one: slightly older hubby + yougish wifey.

[Turkophagos]

33 and not married here, getting married next year though.

[RoyBatty]

well i have one of those criteria covered for sure .....:D seriously i will be in this village very soon.

yeah for 4 weeks and then you'll be off chasing oil with the rest of 'em in Alberta lol!!! :D

[RoyBatty]

your right, my biggest goal is to be succesful and to have the money i need first

This can be a trap so be careful with that line of reasoning. Those "goals" easily morph into excuses to put plans on hold. The problem is that time doesn't stand still even though it seems so at the time. Next thing you wake up, it's 5 years later.

Sometimes (not always) it's better to just get one's head down and get on with things instead of trying to over think, over plan and over analyse them.

[RoyBatty]

Marriage is an oppressive social construct, a vile remnant of the socio-religious patriarchy that kept women in bondage, the unsexy type of bondage, for millennia. Which is why I prefer welfare-dependent single-parenthood, that is less likely to corrupt future generations with the false conceptions of our socially and sexually repressed patriarchal past. :coffee:

:thumb001: :thumb001: :thumb001: :thumb001: :thumb001: :D

[The Ripper]

Of course, it goes without saying that I support gay marriage.

[Osweo]

Of course, it goes without saying that I support gay marriage.

Legal at 14, naturally. :)

[Aemma]

:nod:

I would hope, for my daughter, that she marries a man who has already achieved enough financial success to support a family. My daughter may not wish to be a Hausfrau like my wife, but I think that it is the duty of a husband to afford his wife that option. Also, I would rather see her married earlier than later (to a husband who is a bit older—teenage boys are ruh-tards), for biological reasons. We all know that the likelyhood of bird defects being present compounds with the age of the mother, and we know that girls mature (both physically and psychologically) at an earlier age than boys. So, to achieve some relative balance of maturity levels, financial security and biological safety the best match is probably the traditional one: slightly older hubby + yougish wifey.

You mean to say that my *heathen* 14 year old son is out of the running??? :eek: :mad: :D


Tolleson and I got married in our mid-20's. Fresh out of uni and barely had two pennies to rub together. But things worked out. :) It's good to plan on being somewhat financially stable but then I fully agree with RoyBatty, if you wait too long, you can miss your opportunities as well.

As for marriage being an "institution," well handfastings did occur during the pre-Christian era in Europe as well where women were treated not as chattel but as equals (see Literature on marriages among the Vikings). So I'm not convinced that it is all that horrible, Riip. Besides I'd not have been married for 23 years had it been so. ;) :D

And I totally agree with Psy's traditionalism: to offer a woman the option of being a hausfrau means a great deal to today's family--more than people realise. Easier said than done though in today's consumerist society BUT doable if that's really what you value as a family unit.

[NSFreja]

Hard to say the "perfect age to get married", but i wouldn't recommend people to be under 25 though. They must have had time to get a good education, maybe worked for some time and be able to support a family etc etc...

I am 40+, single with 4 kids and i will never ever get married, i really doubt i will ever get in to a new relationship again. End of story.

[blan]

i think one of my biggest problems is i have not been in love for a couple of years,
there were about 3 times i could say i was in love but it all ended with heart break,
i dont think my heart is in the conditition it should be to fall in love... however other people see it as more practical and less about love or romance but thats not me i feel i really need to be in love and connect with the other person

[nisse]

I think as long as you are physically attracted to your partner and you have some essential similarities in your world view and compatible personalities the rest will work itself out.

People can adapt to anything, marriage is just work, so if you are willing to do it you can make just about any relationship work. IMO every long term relationship I've had (always end in bad breakups) could have just as easily turned into marriage if I didn't get fed up.

As for love, I think love at first sight is too rare to bother, but you start loving a person when they become an integral part of your daily routine.

[Psychonaut]

You mean to say that my *heathen* 14 year old son is out of the running??? :eek: :mad: :D

That depends entirely on what kind of dowry we're talking about. :Cash:

[Austin]

for most of the populace there standard for marriage os a find a preety girl that can cook and clean and goes to church on sunday and has a nice warm freindly personality.



Same for me I don't want a dropout/bar fiend/religious zealot/follows orders type girl which is why I'm single and will probably stay single for a time to come. I find when I date the non-progressive minded, cooks/cleans/religiously zealous/conservative minded type girls we always tend to drift apart as I can't relate to her and she can't relate to me beyond sex and basic values.

What I have found to be the case is that more mature/educated girls want the same as what I want yet they are so focused on their independence/ career and what have you. (Not that anything is wrong with that) So when I date them it goes good yet it is as if they cannot be content for more than a few months, they begin to subconsciously sabotage or find reasons why it might not work out, when we are clearly both happy, almost as if they have a dual force that surfaces and attempts to pull them away internally as soon as they find what they want.

I'd almost refer to it as the Brad Pitt syndrome, as if they are under the impression they can just try out guys till they are 30 then all of a sudden Brad Pitt or equivalent will hop out from behind the corner and marry them and say let's have kids now that your 30 and your eggs are deteriorating....

[Sahson]

I'll get married as soon as I find the right person. I had hoped I would have found them by now but no such luck :(

Same. When I was younger(16?) I had assumed I would have had about 3 long term relationships, and would be preparing for marriage for next year. At this point in time, I am yet to have a relationship. I use to think that there was something wrong with me. I still think there is...

But yes I am still in search for someone. However I always thought I wouldn't marry until I could financially support myself.


As for love, I think love at first sight is too rare to bother, but you start loving a person when they become an integral part of your daily routine.

This! I seem to find girls that I know at work, and come into brief contact more attractive then some random person on the street. Love isn't skin deep. ;)

[Austin]

Yes but infatuation due to forced proximity is not always the best route, because in the end you are getting with that person more out of circumstance than anything else, not that anything is so bad about that but from my experiences love and work end badly or horribly more often than not and when things go south your stuck there.

Back when i was 17 I worked a summer at a pizza place, there was this pretty blond who would sleep with any guy who got her number basically. She ended up with everyone hating her and yet she needed the job so she had to go to work everyday to a living hell because her coworkers were her exes or people she had used.

[Sahson]

Yes but infatuation due to forced proximity is not always the best route, because in the end you are getting with that person more out of circumstance than anything else, not that anything is so bad about that but from my experiences love and work end badly or horribly more often than not and when things go south your stuck there.

Back when i was 17 I worked a summer at a pizza place, there was this pretty blond who would sleep with any guy who got her number basically. She ended up with everyone hating her and yet she needed the job so she had to go to work everyday to a living hell because her coworkers were her exes or people she had used.

Well to be fair she was promiscuous. When so sleep with nearly every men in town, I suppose you would get that feeling. It depends on the circumstance. I don't intend to work at where I am for any time longer, I am already looking to leave.

One girl that I have got my eye on is very friendly and nice, and we come into contact very briefly, but we've known each other for sometime. I only see her, during my breaks at work, just before we sign on for work on Thursday, or
when she ever comes out to the backdock. Her profession she is studying is a completely different profession I am pursuing...

Like I say it depends on the circumstance, in this case I work at the opposite side of the store.

[nisse]

I remember reading some article (it was probably something silly like "How to catch a husband" in some women's magazine) where it said that after your "social network", work is the most common place to find a partner, so I think it's a pretty good idea not to overlook hotties at work especially when you are young and just working some part time job on the side. :thumb001:

[Germanicus]

I don't think a man should marry until he has made a name for himself in the world or can at least offer some financial stability towards maintaining a family.
Nothing screws a relationship up quicker than being broke all of the time.:)

I first married at 20 with baby in tow. I was still a kid and had no skills to rely upon to make ends meet.
After 6 years of marriage we decided that we didn't even know each other anymore. So we split up.

It was a trial by fire.
We are both much happier now.:)

My first marriage lasted 26 years: Marrying at 19 i was a penniless apprentice on very low wages with a baby, times were tough, noone knows poverty until you seriously have no money as i once did.
Marrying the girl i thought was doing the right thing, as my father said to me, "you have made your bed, now sleep in it"
Sleep in it i did.
These days people who want children should marry, if you do not marry don't have children.
I agree with Eburos that a man should not marry until he can offer a good financial stability to his wife, then children.
But i do not agree that money or lack of it screws relationships, being broke all the time as i once was made me realise that money is important, but the real important thing is to be happy.
Marrying at 19 was wrong, two young people coming together like we did because of a baby, we outgrew each other after 10 years.

[Sahson]

Germanicus i wish i could find the happiness that you have, but why did you change your avatar? :(

[Germanicus]

Sorry Daguerreo this is an Avatar only us Brits will recognise i think...:)

The old Roman geezer has been ordered to reconquer parts of the Empire now lost to Heathen Barbarians...:D

[RoyBatty]

I agree with Eburos that a man should not marry until he can offer a good financial stability to his wife, then children.
But i do not agree that money or lack of it screws relationships, being broke all the time as i once was made me realise that money is important, but the real important thing is to be happy.
Marrying at 19 was wrong, two young people coming together like we did because of a baby, we outgrew each other after 10 years.

Eburos is correct about a lack of money being a problem. The reason why is that it's an additional (and very significant) added stress factor when things are already going a bit rough. In many cases it's the last straw that breaks the camel's back. Yes I know, "if people really love one another or try harder" then they can overcome this issue and some do. Being broke certainly doesn't help though, even if it can promote certain insights.

Marrying at 19 isn't necessarily wrong either. It depends on circumstances, the people, the culture etc. It's not uncommon to get hitched around this age in countries like Armenia, for example. Imo it probably isn't such a good idea in our societies though. Better to finish studies, get some kind of employment going first.

[Grumpy Cat]

I remember reading some article (it was probably something silly like "How to catch a husband" in some women's magazine) where it said that after your "social network", work is the most common place to find a partner, so I think it's a pretty good idea not to overlook hotties at work especially when you are young and just working some part time job on the side. :thumb001:

Uhhh... not a good idea if you work in IT. :coffee:

[nisse]

Uhhh... not a good idea if you work in IT. :coffee:

Why? Is it just the East and South Asians that dominate the profession or something more than that?

[Grumpy Cat]

Why? Is it just the East and South Asians that dominate the profession or something more than that?

Well, let's just say, my idea of a fun date is not a LAN party.

[Osweo]

Well, let's just say, my idea of a fun date is not a LAN party.

Is that even more perverted than a Mars Bar Party?!? :eek:

[Nodens]

Is that even more perverted than a Mars Bar Party?!? :eek:

No. But make sure it's held in an area with good ventilation.

Edit: The problem is not the profession being full of Asians, but full of geeks. :thumb001:

[_______]

was hoping to marry in the next year or so but my beloved is either dead or ignoring me. i am 23.

[Curtis24]

:nod:

I would hope, for my daughter, that she marries a man who has already achieved enough financial success to support a family. My daughter may not wish to be a Hausfrau like my wife, but I think that it is the duty of a husband to afford his wife that option. Also, I would rather see her married earlier than later (to a husband who is a bit older—teenage boys are ruh-tards), for biological reasons. We all know that the likelyhood of birth defects being present compounds with the age of the mother, and we know that girls mature (both physically and psychologically) at an earlier age than boys. So, to achieve some relative balance of maturity levels, financial security and biological safety the best match is probably the traditional one: slightly older hubby + yougish wifey.

Also, older men are more likely to pass on mutations to their children, meaning a kid of an older man is more likely to have some sort of neat ability or trait that gives him/her an edge...

[mymy]

It wary from person to person.. People should marry when they feel it came right time for that and it is totally individual, not same at every person..
Anyway, i doubt I will marry in next 5 years.. Have no idea if it will ever happen anyway. :eek::D

[la bombe]

I would love to be married by the time I'm 30, but I think it really depends on the person. I know so many people who are stuck in a state of perpetual adolescence. They're in their 30s and 40s, but nowhere near ready to settle down and start a family.

[Don Brick]

I´m starting to think that in a few years maybe... :shy: Perhaps not all that long from now. Before I would´ve freaked out at the mere thought of getting married so young. I always thought I´d be around 30 when I finally I committed like that, but things chance. :) I can´t say that I´m scared of the idea anymore, at all actually. Perhaps I´m even a little curious. :D ;)

[Blossom]

Mmm well to be honest I've been doubting about this time ago..it scared me the idea. I've always knew I would want kids and all but not at my early 20's like some girls I know. I would like to get married before my 30..but not before 23. I bet he'll be the best husband ever.

Ouh my parents married at their 25 :) isnt it sweet?

[Himera]

:D Age at marriage ...marriaged ages ...:thumbs up

[poiuytrewq0987]

My mom married my dad when she was 20 or 21 and they've been together for 30 years and counting.

[Loki]

I would love to be married by the time I'm 30, but I think it really depends on the person. I know so many people who are stuck in a state of perpetual adolescence. They're in their 30s and 40s, but nowhere near ready to settle down and start a family.

I'm beginning to understand (only now at age 38) that it really is worth waiting for the correct partner, even if it takes many years. Rather search for a few decades, and meet someone as lovely as this (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/showthread.php?p=396671#post396671) - and spend a quarter of your life with her - than settling down early in life with someone who is not worthy of you. It really isn't only about physical beauty either. But a person who is beautiful on the inside will be so radiant that it would shine through into the physical realm. If you are a beautiful soul, then you deserve to be matched with another beautiful soul.

I am grateful that I am single, otherwise I would never have been able to meet so many special people and continually raise my standards of expectation. Now I know what is possible. Do not settle for second best. Why should you?

The more you learn/discover about yourself, the more you will understand what your ideal partner will be like. How can you expect someone else to love you, if you do not love yourself yet? Get to that stage first. It is vital.

[Magister Eckhart]

I think it depends on the couple, especially in this day and age. Most Europeans and Euro-Americans still act like children when they're 27-28, but the fact is that if they wait until they're 35-40 and mature, they won't be able to reproduce. We need more children, and as much as discussing the best ages are important to secure happy, successful marriages, we need to consider our duty to our culture and our families to continue the line, and to sire progeny that will carry on the family name, our cultural values, or at the very least our European genes.

I don't think a man of 25-28 marrying a woman of 17-25 is unreasonable. Women can be made to mature, and it's better for a mature man to have a wife who trusts his maturity and decision-making to marry and begin having children when the woman is at her most fertile. That's how it was done (successfully) for most of European history until a century or two ago, and it worked well.

[Loki]

I don't think a man of 25-28 marrying a woman of 17-25 is unreasonable.

That is not a large age gap at all, it is less than 10 years. But again, as you said, it depends on the person. We are all different. Some people are old before their time. Others blossom late. I fall into the latter category. Not entirely by choice, but by life's forced paths. I feel it is good, though, for me.

[Grumpy Cat]

Half your age plus seven is the golden rule.

[Phil75231]

I think half plus ten is a safer one.

[Loki]

Half your age plus seven is the golden rule.


I think half plus ten is a safer one.

It really depends on the person.

[Grumpy Cat]

It really depends on the person.

I don't know. Maybe you're more liberal than me. There's a time when an age split becomes creepy, but the age gap does get wider with age.

A 25 year old marrying a 17 year old = creepy

A 50 year old marrying a 25 year old = also creepy

[Loki]

I don't know. Maybe you're more liberal than me. There's a time when an age split becomes creepy, but the age gap does get wider with age.

A 25 year old marrying a 17 year old = creepy

A 50 year old marrying a 25 year old = also creepy

That still works on the assumption that all people are of same maturity/stage at the same age. In reality it does not work that way.

[Grumpy Cat]

That still works on the assumption that all people are of same maturity/stage at the same age. In reality it does not work that way.

Well, IMO anyone who is not old enough to vote or drink alcohol (17) is not mature enough to get married, and people in their mid to late 20s who date them are taking advantage of them. Especially girls.

If I had a daughter and she was dating someone in their 20s, I'd kill him and make it look like an accident.

[Magister Eckhart]

I don't know. Maybe you're more liberal than me. There's a time when an age split becomes creepy, but the age gap does get wider with age.

A 25 year old marrying a 17 year old = creepy

A 50 year old marrying a 25 year old = also creepy

Those age differences are not very liberal; indeed, I think you're the liberal one here. Conservatives see little problem with men between 25 and 30 marrying women of 17-20 years old. I refer you to my previous post for the rationale behind this:


I think it depends on the couple, especially in this day and age. Most Europeans and Euro-Americans still act like children when they're 27-28, but the fact is that if they wait until they're 35-40 and mature, they won't be able to reproduce. We need more children, and as much as discussing the best ages are important to secure happy, successful marriages, we need to consider our duty to our culture and our families to continue the line, and to sire progeny that will carry on the family name, our cultural values, or at the very least our European genes.

I don't think a man of 25-28 marrying a woman of 17-25 is unreasonable. Women can be made to mature, and it's better for a mature man to have a wife who trusts his maturity and decision-making to marry and begin having children when the woman is at her most fertile. That's how it was done (successfully) for most of European history until a century or two ago, and it worked well.

[Osweo]

The more you learn/discover about yourself, the more you will understand what your ideal partner will be like. How can you expect someone else to love you, if you do not love yourself yet? Get to that stage first. It is vital.
Every few years you are a different self, however. Having stayed unmarried for so long will have made somebody into quite a different person than they would have been had they married early on.

[Loki]

Every few years you are a different self, however. Having stayed unmarried for so long will have made somebody into quite a different person than they would have been had they married early on.

Maybe just a more mature one, as you gain in life experience. But core character is not something that changes easily.

[Magister Eckhart]

Maybe just a more mature one, as you gain in life experience. But core character is not something that changes easily.

This rather reminds me of a scene in Dr. Zhivago between Pasha Antipov and Komarovsky:


Komarovsky: Pavel Pavlovich; my chief impression - and I mean no offence - is that you're very young.
Pasha Antipov: Monsieur Komarovsky; I hope I don't offend you. Do people improve with age?
Komarovsky: They grow a little more tolerant.
Pasha Antipov: Because they have more to tolerate in themselves. If people don't marry young, what do they bring to their marriage?
Komarovsky: A little experience.

[Dark Angel]

average is between 25 and 30...

[Hess]

it's generally wiser to marry later in life, those kinds of marriages have more chances to be based on a solid foundation.

[SwordoftheVistula]

Ideal age I think is late 20s-mid 30s for men and late teens-mid 20s for women.


Half your age plus seven is the golden rule.

Nobody in my family would have ever gotten married under that rule, nevermind this one:


I think half plus ten is a safer one.

Parents married at 27/20, sister at 35/25, the aunt that got married got married at:


A 50 year old marrying a 25 year old = also creepy

They had a long and enjoyable marriage until he passed away a couple years ago, although she did not have any children since he had a number of children from his first marriage. So I will concede this is not the ideal age if you are looking to create circumstances which create more children, but under other ideas of marriage theirs was an excellent one.

Grandparents were born in 1902/1909 and got married in the late 1920s I think, forget the exact year.

[SwordoftheVistula]

http://www.filehurricane.com/photos/57200831611PM_image003yp7.jpg

[Curtis24]

I'm totally going to marry a 25 year old when I'm 50 :)

[Fear Fiain]

IDK, I finally thought I'd found the person I was gonna marry but she left in october, so I don't think it's gonna be doable at all for me. Women who want to get married tend to have done so by 22-24. the older I get(currently between 25-30) the less likely it is that I will meet a woman who doesn't have kids and/ or ex husband. So maybe lower standards? IDK.
American women fall into two categories, those who can't wait to get married and start a family, and those who wait forever to do so, often until it's nearly too late. There's no healthy attitudes among them.

[Kazimiera]

I got married when I was 26 and again a week before I turned 31.

50 years ago a female in her late teens getting married may have worked, but those were the days when it was still financially viable for the man to be the breadwinner and the woman to be at home with the kids.

Nowadays it is important that the girl get and education too, and exposure to a tertiary education facility can change the way a person views the world, which makes such an early marriage impractical. Because the chances are that she will have to work for an income too. The world is too unstable and only few people can afford to have a non-working wife with children at home.

[Prisoner Of Ice]

IDK, I finally thought I'd found the person I was gonna marry but she left in october, so I don't think it's gonna be doable at all for me. Women who want to get married tend to have done so by 22-24. the older I get(currently between 25-30) the less likely it is that I will meet a woman who doesn't have kids and/ or ex husband. So maybe lower standards? IDK.
American women fall into two categories, those who can't wait to get married and start a family, and those who wait forever to do so, often until it's nearly too late. There's no healthy attitudes among them.

Yeah, this is an issue most people neglect when it comes to age relations between men and women and how guys end up with younger girls.

If girl is in 30s and never married she is usually either not marrying type or else is just waaaayy too picky, or something serious is wrong with her.

[Beit El]

50 years ago a female in her late teens getting married may have worked, but those were the days when it was still financially viable for the man to be the breadwinner and the woman to be at home with the kids.

It's still easily financially viable if you don't submit to consumerism.


Nowadays it is important that the girl get and education too, and exposure to a tertiary education facility can change the way a person views the world, which makes such an early marriage impractical. Because the chances are that she will have to work for an income too.

Which is part of the reason why most European countries have a problem with an aging population and non-replacing birthrates.


The world is too unstable and only few people can afford to have a non-working wife with children at home.

Nonsense.

[larali]

I got married at 23.

I guess it was a good age but I am mad at my husband right now so ask me later.

[Meina]

I realize that getting married young isn't quite popular anymore but I argue in favor of it if you're the type to take commitment seriously, to honor your spouse, live in positivity (instead of choosing to spend your time dwelling and nit-picking).

The trend is to wait, and while I understand why, I believe that it is short-sighted. I was married at 22. My husband was 24. We had our children right away. I chose to let go of any career aspirations for the time being and devote 100% of my time to living very simply/frugally/ and within our means so that I could care for our children while my husband did everything he could to allow us to make end's meet. It wasn't pretty, it was hard, there were times where I questioned myself. But I insisted on living within my values and being there for my children was and is important to me.

Fast forward and I'm 28. My children are still fairly young but they're not babies. My husband's career has grown extremely well from those years of hard-nosed dedication in an effort to better himself for his family. Money isn't tight anymore, the kids go to school, my husband and I have free time and can plan escapes together. At 28 and 30 we have our babies already, we have worked hard to gain a bright future and now it's time to pay into our selves. It's my turn now, I'm going back to school. We will be young enough to enjoy each other quite a bit once our kids have moved out as well. I do not mind this scenario at all. It's much better I think, than potentially becoming a grandparent for the first time in my 60's and not having any stamina to keep up with my grand-babies.

[Mr Moi]

I was 24 and my wife was 22 when we were married... My parents were 21 and 20 when they were married. Susy and I will have our 35th wedding anniversary this year and my parents will have their 60th anniversary. For both my parents and my Wife and me it was a great idea to be married young. So many people think that a perfect marriage just is and entails no work - no pain are deluded. A Good Marriage is work as much as grace... Soulmates are made, not born...

I am so glad that I was born when my Parents were in their early 20s. We grew up together, and we have been good friends for decades. My sons were born when I was 26 and 30... We are friends as well...