Asexuality

[Phil75231]

Note: I'm not asexual, although my sex drive has definitely weakend considerably in my late 20s. Perhaps because of this, I certainly understand the need for the article below.




Among the asexuals

In a society obsessed with sex, it's hard if you have no sexual desire at all. Some are searching for a new form of intimacy

"OK," writes Annette, in an introductory email: "I am 47 but look younger, probably because I take good care of myself and also do not have the stress of a husband and kids." At first glance it reads like the "describe yourself" section of a dating site, which is ironic, considering that Annette is one of several people responding to my search for case studies on a forum for people who are asexual. That is, people who have little to no interest in sex. "I live in a dull suburb in Minnesota and right now I'm eating lunch (and typing) at the law firm where I work as a paralegal. My job makes me happy to be asexual, as I see all the divorce cases and what really goes on. Yeah, really – the crap that is going on in the suburbs: her husband left her for his boyfriend, stuff like that."

Annette writes in the breathless, self-assured style of any typical, busy American too pushed for time to mince their words. Life as an asexual person in the suburbs has thrown her some curveballs, like the woman at her local church group who prayed she would find a husband, chanting: "Saint Anne! Saint Anne! Find her a man!" Or the time a relative, apparently perplexed by Annette's perpetual singledom, secretly signed her up to a dating agency. She's still getting newsletters from the company years later.

It's estimated that 1% of the world's population is asexual, although research is limited. Annette and others like her have never and probably will never experience sexual attraction. She has been single her whole life, something she repeatedly says that she is more than happy about.

more at this page (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/26/among-the-asexuals)

[Baron Samedi]

Easy to understand. I'm 25 and practically have zero sex drive nowadays.

[Grumpy Cat]

Easy to understand. I'm 25 and practically have zero sex drive nowadays.

I didn't really have much of one until my late 20s. I think it's quite common.

I wasn't asexual in my early 20s but I didn't want to do it. I did it when my man wanted it.

[safinator]

I might have the opposite problem.

[Leadchucker]

I might have the opposite problem.

Me too and I'm 60, so don't give up the ship because of your age. :wink

[Jerry]

I didn't really have much of one until my late 20s. I think it's quite common.

I wasn't asexual in my early 20s but I didn't want to do it. I did it when my man wanted it.

Damn, for some reason I find it really funny that because the 1st poster was a guy and somehow from your name I assumed you are male too. Then I read your post and it ended with "when my man wanted it". I was like ok.... and then chuggled when I saw you are a girl

Being asexual is something extremely strange to me. I have a huge sex drive, almost becoming a problem sometimes (women can't keep up ;) and nurturing it other ways gets too exhausting ).

[WitheredWhiteness]

You either like it or not, you either feel the need or not. This is so subjective and really interesting at the same time.

[safinator]

Since i'm 19 i can't think of any reason to give up the ship:cool::cool:

[Bozkurt_Karabash]

I can't leave the ship. When I'm not having sex I'm looking at porn maniatically. They say depressive persons have very high sex drives so that might be the reason. I haven't had a dyagnosis though.

[WitheredWhiteness]

They say depressive persons have very high sex drives so that might be the reason. I haven't had a dyagnosis though.

And that is why depressive people search for some cheer up ;)

[SaxonCeorl]

I think I might welcome a slight diminishment in sex drive as well. I'd get a lot more done that way. I've come down a bit from when I was 14-16, but I was absolutely ridiculous at that age :p

Typical weekday for me:

*Working studiously, working studiously, working studiously, working studiou.....naked female form.....naked female form....naked female form...*

[Aemma]

Since i'm 19 i can't think of any reason to give up the ship:cool::cool:

Well at your age, you would be at your peak sex drive anyway. Enjoy the ride, my friend! :thumb001: :D

[Supreme American]

I don't see how this is normal. I'd suggest a hormonal imbalance or perhaps people go through things in life that stresses kill their natural drive.

[Aemma]

I can't leave the ship. When I'm not having sex I'm looking at porn maniatically. They say depressive persons have very high sex drives so that might be the reason. I haven't had a dyagnosis though.

Hmm typically the opposite is true unless of course one is Bipolar and then well, you'd have different phases of increased or decreased libido as your mood goes.

About asexuality, some conditions such as an imbalance in hormones can be the cause of said tendency. In and of itself to be asexual is neither "bad" nor "good"; it just is what it is. It can become an issue for a person however if it impacts a person's life in terms of self-esteem, healthy concept of Self, or activities in daily living and such.

[Aemma]

I think I might welcome a slight diminishment in sex drive as well. I'd get a lot more done that way. I've come down a bit from when I was 14-16, but I was absolutely ridiculous at that age :p

Typical weekday for me:

*Working studiously, working studiously, working studiously, working studiou.....naked female form.....naked female form....naked female form...*

Well I'd suggest to just "pull a Freud" here and sublimate all of your sexual urges into those studies of yours! Didn't you know that this is how High Culture developed? :P

[Baron Samedi]

I don't see how this is normal. I'd suggest a hormonal imbalance or perhaps people go through things in life that stresses kill their natural drive.

Considering the nature of modern-day "life" who wouldn't have their inner self killed bit by bit every single day?

Life isn't really worth living, and most relationships are complete shams... Glorified mating dances and nothing more.

Humans are fucking disgusting.

[Loki]

I haven't had any diminishing and I'm 39 ...

[Aemma]

Considering the nature of modern-day "life" who wouldn't have their inner self killed bit by bit every single day?

Life isn't really worth living, and most relationships are complete shams... Glorified mating dances and nothing more.

Humans are fucking disgusting.

But there's nothing wrong with mating dances, Hemingway. It's what perpetuates the species! :D

[Moonbird]

Does being asexual also mean that a person never falls in love or has any crushes on someone? It sounds like quite a boring life.

[StonyArabia]

Certainly nothing wrong with it, those who say it's wrong really don't understand it. Some people just don't value sex and nor see it as important but rather as secondary need. As well many Asexuals do have sex for it's purpose which is procreation and not pleasure, however many also choose to live a celibate lifestyle.

[Flintlocke]

Yeah they say when you're around 16 you have super sex drive and it diminishes around late 20's. I'm almost 30 and the damn thing's getting stronger!

[Supreme American]

Considering the nature of modern-day "life" who wouldn't have their inner self killed bit by bit every single day?

Life isn't really worth living, and most relationships are complete shams... Glorified mating dances and nothing more.

Humans are fucking disgusting.

Wow that's a very negative way of viewing things. I don't follow you at all.

[cilicia]

I didn't really have much of one until my late 20s. I think it's quite common.

I wasn't asexual in my early 20s but I didn't want to do it. I did it when my man wanted it.


They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(

[Flintlocke]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(

Good news for milf-ers ;)

[Loki]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(

Not everyone's the same, thankfully ... :coffee:

[Baron Samedi]

But there's nothing wrong with mating dances, Hemingway. It's what perpetuates the species! :D

However, we aren't simple-minded creatures... And have no need for such things.

There's an EXTREME amount of bullshit one has to go through now just to find some potential on-the-side ass or (Moloch forbid) a legitimate relationship.... This is usually based on little more than if both individuals exhume the prevailing social norms of their time.

Individuality is crap when trying to find a partner.

It's a fucking game.

[Baron Samedi]

Wow that's a very negative way of viewing things. I don't follow you at all.

Well, I can gather two things from this statement.

1. You are ignorant to how shitty the human situation is.

2. You are happily married/with someone, and these things don't concern you anymore... You have had your "ticket punched" so to speak.

I'm assuming you are number 2, since you seem to be a fairly intelligent person.

[Leadchucker]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(


Thank you, men just recieved a 4 year extension (no pun intented...ok ,maybe a little). I read it was 18 somewhere but you could be correct.

[PetiteParisienne]

I've known two asexual people, both are female. One was capable of falling in love, and the other was completely a-romantic and uninterested in relationships.

[Argyll]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can be asexual, mainly due to the fact that I have such a high sex drive, but it's still interesting, nonetheless. I wonder: Do they ever masturbate or want an orgasm? Not having sex with someone is one thing, but do they ever feel the need for an orgasm?

[PetiteParisienne]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can be asexual, mainly due to the fact that I have such a high sex drive, but it's still interesting, nonetheless. I wonder: Do they ever masturbate or want an orgasm? Not having sex with someone is one thing, but do they ever feel the need for an orgasm?

From what I have heard, it depends. Some asexuals can enjoy the act; they just don't experience sexual attraction to anyone.

[Óttar]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(
I had this discussion recently with an older woman. After this, we had more than just discussion. ;)

[Supreme American]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can be asexual, mainly due to the fact that I have such a high sex drive, but it's still interesting, nonetheless. I wonder: Do they ever masturbate or want an orgasm? Not having sex with someone is one thing, but do they ever feel the need for an orgasm?

I see sex and love as human needs, so I don't understand those who don't think about it. In my late teens, I avoided dating for a time because then I was more of a free spirit type that didn't want to be bogged down by caring for a boyfriend, but that was just a phase, and a very short one at that.

[Supreme American]

From what I have heard, it depends. Some asexuals can enjoy the act; they just don't experience sexual attraction to anyone.

That confuses me. Attraction to others period is sexual in nature. This is a natural progression so I can't fathom not experiencing sexual attraction but enjoying sex itself.

[PetiteParisienne]

That confuses me. Attraction to others period is sexual in nature. This is a natural progression so I can't fathom not experiencing sexual attraction but enjoying sex itself.

It's possible to understand in theory, but a sexual person cannot relate to it.

[Jerry]

One of my former girfriends had never masturbated and never had an orgasm. I found it strange as hell and the orgasm part really tough to take - I tried everything lol - actually it was one of the reasons that it didn't work out; I can't be with someone who considers sex as such a small a part of life.

Not like she rejected having sex, and we did it quite a lot - I was 19-20 - but I had the feeling that she just wants to do it for me in the beginning of the relationship and it would have a nasty (not in a good way) turn as the relationship matures....

[Baron Samedi]

One of my former girfriends had never masturbated. I found it strange as hell and actually it was one of the reasons that it didn't work out; I can't be with someone who considers sex as such a small a part of life.

Not like she rejected having sex, and we did it quite a lot - I was 19-20 - but I had the feeling that she just wants to do it for me in the beginning of the relationship and it would have a nasty (not in a good way) turn as the relationship matures....

I can only wonder just what you make of life, then, with that sort of mentality.

How base.

[mymy]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(

Are you sure it's not the opposite? :D Lol...

Well, i believe individual differences exist. I never had problems with sex drive, or to feel attraction. And i think about it daily. :D But, i have good control, i decided what i want and i don't want to ruin it just because i was weak to control my instincts... And there are many different ways of satisfying your needs... we have the choice. :p
Oh, but when i will be in stable relation, i won't accept to hear no. :coffee:

[Supreme American]

One of my former girfriends had never masturbated. I found it strange as hell and actually it was one of the reasons that it didn't work out; I can't be with someone who considers sex as such a small a part of life.

Not like she rejected having sex, and we did it quite a lot - I was 19-20 - but I had the feeling that she just wants to do it for me in the beginning of the relationship and it would have a nasty (not in a good way) turn as the relationship matures....

Could be an issue of upbringing, especially if they're from a very religious background. People in that case can sit on their sexuality fearing temptation to sin, much like I imagine Tim Tebow is doing.

She may also have not admitted her sexuality for whatever reason, such as said religious upbringing or just embarrassment. Some people aren't comfortable really showing another person their intimate selves, even if even a romantic relationship.

[Jerry]

I can only wonder just what you make of life, then, with that sort of mentality.

How base.

Well sex is an essential part of life and it does not make me any more unintellectual or primitive to want it in a relationship, on the contrary, your opinions are bordering unnatural

[Flintlocke]

http://humorswitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/no-sex.gif

:D

[Zephyr]

Considering the nature of modern-day "life" who wouldn't have their inner self killed bit by bit every single day?

Life isn't really worth living, and most relationships are complete shams... Glorified mating dances and nothing more.

Humans are fucking disgusting.

I understand you on the relationships' part. At 30 I lost any interest in relationships, specially long ones. I think I saw everything I had to see and all that "dance" seems a bit ridiculous to me nowadays. I laugh at my romantic past quite much.

However the sexual drive has not diminished. I guess that part is in my nature.

[Baron Samedi]

Well sex is an essential part of life and it does not make me any more unintellectual or primitive to want it in a relationship, on the contrary, your opinions are bordering unnatural

I didn't say I don't desire it (on occasion, and a rare one at that).

There's just more to life than a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole.

[Geronimo]

If everybody has such high libido why are you spending so much time on the internet !? Shouldnt you be banging someone right this moment ? :)

[Baron Samedi]

If everybody has such high libido why are you spending so much time on the internet !? Shouldnt you be banging someone right this moment ? :)

Generally all of this "I'm a overtly sexual being" talk is just false posturing.

Disgusting.

[PetiteParisienne]

There's just more to life than a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole.

That's probably the way asexuals view sex.

But it really is much more than that, unless we're talking about nymphomaniacs (who take no pleasure in sex) or rape.

[Jerry]

I didn't say I don't desire it (on occasion, and a rare one at that).

There's just more to life than a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole.

Of course there is more to life, are you retarded? But it's also not a mechanical performance as you describe it. And what I said is that it's an important thing in life, not that sex is everything in life.

From my pseudoscientifical recliner psychiatrist view you are probably a teen who has been hurt in relationships lately and feels like it all is worth nothing. If you are older you seem to be fighting with the same teenage specific frustrations. Usually adults understand that sex is a natural part of life, and that especially younger it's important to enjoy it.


Generally all of this "I'm a overtly sexual being" talk is just false posturing.

Disgusting.

[Baron Samedi]

That's probably the way asexuals view sex.

But it really is much more than that, unless we're talking about nymphomaniacs (who take no pleasure in sex) or rape.

I'm assuming you mean love, which is little more than a fantasy/construct for most people.

The sex that is so predominant in modern society is the barbaric one of lust and "getting off". There's little emotional resonance in it, and really is nothing more than "Congo fucking" (a term that a nice, racist American coined on here a long time ago).

My guess is some people (me) overload on it, and see it for what it is: An empty social institution that is little more than a quick drug fix that may or may not lead to more soulless idiots being spawned.

[Supreme American]

That's probably the way asexuals view sex.

But it really is much more than that, unless we're talking about nymphomaniacs (who take no pleasure in sex) or rape.

Wha? Nymphomaniacs take no pleasure in sex? I've learned something new.

[PetiteParisienne]

I'm assuming you mean love, which is little more than a fantasy/construct for most people.

The sex that is so predominant in modern society is the barbaric one of lust and "getting off". There's little emotional resonance in it, and really is nothing more than "Congo fucking" (a term that a nice, racist American coined on here a long time ago).

My guess is some people (me) overload on it, and see it for what it is: An empty social institution that is little more than a quick drug fix that may or may not lead to more soulless idiots being spawned.

I agree. One night stands and casual sex have little to no emotional substance. But that doesn't mean that two people who are not in love can't care about one another and genuinely enjoy having sex, and each other's company. It's a sliding scale.

I find today's clubbing and drinking scene to be vile in terms of how people use it as a meat market.

[PetiteParisienne]

Wha? Nymphomaniacs take no pleasure in sex? I've learned something new.

Yes. It's a compulsion for them.

[Baron Samedi]

I agree. One night stands and casual sex have little to no emotional substance. But that doesn't mean that two people who are not in love can't care about one another and genuinely enjoy having sex, and each other's company. It's a sliding scale.

I find today's clubbing and drinking scene to be vile in terms of how people use it as a meat market.

Welcome to the human race. We are a disgusting lot.

[Mercury]

Asexuals often desire a relationship with the opposite sex, but not sexual intercourse. However sometimes they will do it to please their partner.

[Baron Samedi]

Asexuals often desire a relationship with the opposite sex, but not sexual intercourse. However sometimes they will do it to please their partner.

I'm sure there are variants of the subset, just like any minority group of individuals.

[Leadchucker]

1)Could be an issue of upbringing, especially if they're from a very religious background. People in that case can sit on their sexuality fearing temptation to sin....... 2) Some people aren't comfortable really showing another person their intimate selves, even if even a romantic relationship.

1) In my case for just for an example. A very "religious" up bringing with two parents that had a high dedication to their faiths. Baptist and Mennonite between them. Not much more hard core religious groups there, but nothing ever was said about restricting sex drive,sex itself or masturbation. Only thing said it was strongly recommended that you be married, have sex only with that person and stay loyal the same.

2) This was my parents also. Very little outward show of affection or love. Yet they were married for almost 45 years until my father died. I suppose it was in their own upbringing but can't say for sure. Hardly ever saw them kiss like at the door when pop came home or left. I went the total oppsosite and am always kissing,hugging,rubbing...errrrr,you get it with my wife. If you show up you might get kissed too :eek:

[Supreme American]

2) This was my parents also. Very little outward show of affection or love. Yet they were married for almost 45 years until my father died. I suppose it was in their own upbringing but can't say for sure. Hardly ever saw them kiss like at the door when pop came home or left. I went the total oppsosite and am always kissing,hugging,rubbing...errrrr,you get it with my wife. If you show up you might get kissed too :eek:

I think people in the old days are more likely to not be expressive. It seems to be some Old World cultural thing. I see it with my elderly aunts and uncles from the "Old Country." I'm much more like you are, in that sense. I see that as not only enjoyable but healthy. To me, if there isn't an expression of affection, I wonder if that person doesn't care or is just repressed. I don't like it either way, though.

[Argyll]

I think that sex is something that should be a very emotional, yet fun and fulfilling aspect between partners. I'm extremely disapproving of this club scene and anonymous sex thing that seems to be sweeping the world. Sex to me is something emotional, yet instinct and desire driven. I'm really complicated on the subject, to be honest.

Oh, and just for the record: You can have a high sex drive, yet not be a slut.

[Supreme American]

Yes. It's a compulsion for them.

But in the case of sex, isn't the compulsion partly driven by enjoyment? People aren't normally driven to do something they don't get pleasure from in some manner or another.

[rhiannon]

One of my former girfriends had never masturbated and never had an orgasm. I found it strange as hell and the orgasm part really tough to take - I tried everything lol - actually it was one of the reasons that it didn't work out; I can't be with someone who considers sex as such a small a part of life.

Not like she rejected having sex, and we did it quite a lot - I was 19-20 - but I had the feeling that she just wants to do it for me in the beginning of the relationship and it would have a nasty (not in a good way) turn as the relationship matures....

Erm....well.....I sorta tried flying solo....had NO luck in *getting anywhere* and basically gave up. My first big O did not happen until I was 30 years old.....and it wasn't even me that gave it to myself lol.

The ability to achieve orgasm easily or not can and does have a strong correlation with a person's sex drive, overall.

[Óttar]

Generally all of this "I'm a overtly sexual being" talk is just false posturing.

Disgusting.
I have to admit, you sound like a Buddhist ascetic or Catholic monk here.

Sex isn't really extolled in our society, it is only considered valuable insofar as it can be used as a marketing device.

[Baron Samedi]

I have to admit, you sound like a Buddhist ascetic or Catholic monk here.

Sex isn't really extolled in our society, it is only considered valuable insofar as it can be used as a marketing device.

Ottar, you of all people should know what I'm talking about here.

And I'm certainly not an ascetic of puritanical in any way, however I am a form of a gnostic, and value spiritual things above the fleshy/material in all ways.

[Supreme American]

Ottar, you of all people should know what I'm talking about here.

And I'm certainly not an ascetic of puritanical in any way, however I am a form of a gnostic, and value spiritual things above the fleshy/material in all ways.

I can't see that because nothing spiritual is provable to exist, thus it's all merely speculation and blind faith. At least with things of the flesh and material, we know it's there and we can work with it.

[Moonbird]

Erm....well.....I sorta tried flying solo....had NO luck in *getting anywhere* and basically gave up. My first big O did not happen until I was 30 years old.....and it wasn't even me that gave it to myself lol.


I can correlate to this. While men seem to know how to get orgasms by pure instinct, many women on the other hand (including me) have had to learn it by trial and error. The good thing is that it's like riding a bycycle, once you've learned the trick you never forget it.

[Baron Samedi]

I can't see that because nothing spiritual is provable to exist, thus it's all merely speculation and blind faith. At least with things of the flesh and material, we know it's there and we can work with it.

My blind faith keeps me from offing myself, therefore it's certainly something I can work with.

Screwing isn't going to keep me from yearning for the grave. Trust me.

[Amapola]

I am not asexual, but I have an incredible control about my sexual desire. I am definitely not a slave of it, and I don't say or do stupid things blinded by it.

[mymy]

I agree. One night stands and casual sex have little to no emotional substance. But that doesn't mean that two people who are not in love can't care about one another and genuinely enjoy having sex, and each other's company. It's a sliding scale.

I find today's clubbing and drinking scene to be vile in terms of how people use it as a meat market.

That's definitely not for me, and i do not practice it, but however i can understand. People have choice and right to express their sexuality way they want... from total celibate to very promiscuous behaving. And it doesn't make them bad.


I can correlate to this. While men seem to know how to get orgasms by pure instinct, many women on the other hand (including me) have had to learn it by trial and error. The good thing is that it's like riding a bycycle, once you've learned the trick you never forget it.

I never had orgasm with a partner. On my own yes. But, i also have very poor sexual experience... with a partner. I believe we didn't match, and no matter how much great relation we had-in terms of understanding, sex was the thing that ruined relation. I wasn't happy because of it, i felt limited. So, yes, sex is important for a good relation, wanted or not. Especially if you are individual with strong sexual instincts.


I am not asexual, but I have an incredible control about my sexual desire. I am definitely not a slave of it, and I don't say or do stupid things blinded by it.

Control of body, i have too(in a way that i don't go around and have sex just with anyone). But, what about control of mind? And do you express your desires other way?

[Amapola]

Control of body, i have too(in a way that i don't go around and have sex just with anyone). But, what about control of mind? And do you express your desires other way?
As far as I see, control of mind goes hand in hand with control of body. :) I express my desire when I think it's appropriate, and I let myself go... (I am quite private for such things).

[PetiteParisienne]

That's definitely not for me, and i do not practice it, but however i can understand. People have choice and right to express their sexuality way they want... from total celibate to very promiscuous behaving. And it doesn't make them bad.


I don't really understand it, but I won't judge someone for it. People can do whatever the want with their bodies as long as it's consensual.

[Supreme American]

My blind faith keeps me from offing myself, therefore it's certainly something I can work with.

Screwing isn't going to keep me from yearning for the grave. Trust me.

Well from my own experience, if there are things in life that are blocks to you that seem impossible or difficult to overcome, it can create a false impression in your mind that you can't get away from it or that things will never change or improve, thus you feel depressed because of it. I'd suggest not taking that very seriously. I've learned a lot in that regard from experience as I have lived my life. People make a lot of mistakes when they think too badly of current circumstances and don't think things will change. I think this tends to especially happen with youth.

[Jake Featherston]

Easy to understand. I'm 25 and practically have zero sex drive nowadays.

Men under 30 with little or no sex drive, probably should make inquiries about the state of their medical condition. I'm not saying that to be a troll. I'm 41, and I know a lot of guys my age, and its not typical for one's sex drive to fall off nearly so much even at my age, let alone at yours.

[Jake Featherston]

I haven't had any diminishing and I'm 39 ...

I'm still very, VERY sexual at the age of 41, but are you sure you're not exaggerating just a bit? I find it difficult to believe that at 39, you're just as sexual as you were at 15. I'm not even sure that would be a good thing, frankly. Some easing off of the pressure of intense sexual preoccupation is to be welcomed with age. Losing most interest in sex, on the other hand, is a depressing notion (albeit one I don't fear ever coming to pass for yours truly).

[European Loyalist]

That's definitely not for me, and i do not practice it, but however i can understand. People have choice and right to express their sexuality way they want... from total celibate to very promiscuous behaving. And it doesn't make them bad.

It might not make them bad... But it often means they have emotional problems or something like that. Humans have mating patterns which are supposed work towards medium to long term partnership. We are not a "have sex and never see eachother again" species by nature. In fact sex is one of the most important evolutionary mechanisms towards developing healthy long term relationships (long enough to have and rear kids).

A good article from the economist on this subject: http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html

[Jake Featherston]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can be asexual, mainly due to the fact that I have such a high sex drive, but it's still interesting, nonetheless. I wonder: Do they ever masturbate or want an orgasm? Not having sex with someone is one thing, but do they ever feel the need for an orgasm?

I'm guessing most male asexuals jack off like mad rabbits, and hence aren't really "asexual" at all. They are just dorks.

I'm less sure about female asexuals. I suspect a lot of them, like many of the women who turn to lesbianism, have had negative experiences with (too) early (forced?) sexual encounters, and have responded by turning away from sex/romance altogether (as in the case of asexuals), or just from men (in the case of many/most lesbians).

[Supreme American]

I'm guessing most male asexuals jack off like mad rabbits, and hence aren't really "asexual" at all. They are just dorks.

I'm less sure about female asexuals. I suspect a lot of them, like many of the women who turn to lesbianism, have had negative experiences with (too) early (forced?) sexual encounters, and have responded by turning away from sex/romance altogether (as in the case of asexuals), or just from men (in the case of many/most lesbians).

Years ago I was acquainted with a woman who was raped 3 times in 4 years and came to fear men and thus turned to women and cut her hair short like a man and built her muscles very large to not look appealing to men. After a few years passed, I suggested to her that she wasn't really a lesbian and just upset because of what happened to her, and shortly after that she began talking about dating men again.

I think this goes in both directions, though.

[Óttar]

And I'm certainly not an ascetic of puritanical in any way, however I am a form of a gnostic, and value spiritual things above the fleshy/material in all ways.
Why must there be such a sharp demarcation between the two? The dichotomy of "Spirit" and "Matter" goes back to currents within Greek philosophy, but that doesn't make it correct. In ancient Greece, there was the gymnasion, "naked place" where men exercised both their bodies and their minds. Sex can be a vehicle to understand the Divine.

[Jake Featherston]

There's just more to life than a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole.

No one suggested there isn't a great deal more to life than just sexuality, but the fact you characterize human sexuality as merely "a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole," would seem to indicate that you suffer from some sort of tragic derangement, alas.

[Jake Featherston]

If everybody has such high libido why are you spending so much time on the internet !? Shouldnt you be banging someone right this moment ? :)

My fiancee is at work presently, so we took care of that this morning (as well as the night before). :thumb001:

[Moonbird]

I never had orgasm with a partner. On my own yes. But, i also have very poor sexual experience... with a partner. I believe we didn't match, and no matter how much great relation we had-in terms of understanding, sex was the thing that ruined relation. I wasn't happy because of it, i felt limited. So, yes, sex is important for a good relation, wanted or not. Especially if you are individual with strong sexual instincts.


When I first had learned how to achieve orgasms on my own I could also do it with my partner of that time. He was older and more experienced, that probably helped a lot.

[Moonbird]

It's hard for me to understand how someone can be asexual, mainly due to the fact that I have such a high sex drive, but it's still interesting, nonetheless. I wonder: Do they ever masturbate or want an orgasm? Not having sex with someone is one thing, but do they ever feel the need for an orgasm?

According to the article in the OP, yes.


Dr Lori Brotto, assistant professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the University of British Columbia, is, alongside Dr Bogaert, one of the leading academics in the field of asexuality. But Brotto's findings raise more questions about asexuality than they answer. For example, her research shows there is no gender split; men and women are equally likely to be asexual. However, asexual men are much more likely to masturbate than asexual women; as likely, it would seem, as men with "normal" sex drives, suggesting that they are responding to a physical imperative. When Brotto conducted an experiment to measure the vaginal reactions of female participants to visual sexual stimulus, the physical reactions among asexual women were the same as that of women who report an otherwise "normal" sex drive.

[Jake Featherston]

1) This was my parents also. Very little outward show of affection or love. Yet they were married for almost 45 years until my father died. I suppose it was in their own upbringing but can't say for sure. Hardly ever saw them kiss like at the door when pop came home or left

Who knows what they were like when they were alone, however? Some people keep these things private, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't do them at all.

Perhaps your parents were, ahem, total sex perverts?


(sorry - couldn't resist)

[GeistFaust]

I'm guessing most male asexuals jack off like mad rabbits, and hence aren't really "asexual" at all. They are just dorks.

I'm less sure about female asexuals. I suspect a lot of them, like many of the women who turn to lesbianism, have had negative experiences with (too) early (forced?) sexual encounters, and have responded by turning away from sex/romance altogether (as in the case of asexuals), or just from men (in the case of many/most lesbians).



I am basically off and on between asexuality and heterosexuality, and I rarely jerk off. I have gone years at a time without doing so, and doing it once every three months is a lot for me. I have never had a negative experience with sex, but I just feel like it can be all a waste at times. Its almost as if I have more control over myself, and am able to direct my bodily energies to more productive and cerebral tasks.



I think sex can be healthy from a physical standpoint and an emotional standpoint in building relationships with others of the opposite sex. I still think its best to learn to control it as much as possible, and to realize the nonsensical and irrational nature of it. I am glad for sex, because it is the reason I am here of course, but I don't find any strong urge to have it.



I am also quite a Puritan, and I think that we have no true free will at many points, so this means its best to keep it all in check. There seems to be no balance that can be reached in the human mind in accord with its own behavior and activity, but our neurological orientation and brain gives us the illusion we have.


This is called a momentary habit, and it brings into the question of whether there is any moral or objective force working in mankind. I would rather think that what is too much or too little sex has everything to do with "subjective" aspects of an individual's experience.



Anyway sex is merely just a subconscious drive, which is motivated by blind and whimsical forces in nature i.e. The Will to Live. Its best to realize that sex, although good for pleasure and bodily health, is merely an instrument to delineate the individual in submission to the will of nature.


That is it is quite a crass and brutish force with no rational direction, but is merely a repetitive and meaningless resonation of forces through the generations.

[The Alchemist]

I don't really have problems with it at moment!!
But for many years i've had many problems, cause i suffered of anxiety and depression and i felt just dead, so sex just annoyed me. Depression is an evil beast which kills all our natural needs, don't underestimate it.

[The Alchemist]

Now i'm Sex Machine.....ehehehehehhehe

[mymy]

When I first had learned how to achieve orgasms on my own I could also do it with my partner of that time. He was older and more experienced, that probably helped a lot.

My only experience was with a guy was 2 years older than me, and with same experience like me-we were first to each other. But i was knew what i like... since my early teens i was very conscious of my body and it's abilities (so many that i even didn't bleeding during first time or feel the pain)... while he was still confused. I believe men take it different than women. To him, sex was still some kind of taboo. :confused:
And as for orgasms, i agree that it's something it should be learn, i learnt how to have it by myself- after not having orgasms with a partner, i though something is wrong with myself, so i worked more on "knowing my body". And in the end found out what i need. Now i don't have problems with achieving it, but as i said, only by myself-i don't have a partner for a longer time already.
I think me and my ex just didn't match, or had different views and desires at the moment, so it wasn't working.

[The Alchemist]

My only experience was with a guy was 2 years older than me, and with same experience like me-we were first to each other. But i was knew what i like... since my early teens i was very conscious of my body and it's abilities (so many that i even didn't bleeding during first time or feel the pain)... while he was still confused. I believe men take it different than women. To him, sex was still some kind of taboo. :confused:
And as for orgasms, i agree that it's something it should be learn, i learnt how to have it by myself- after not having orgasms with a partner, i though something is wrong with myself, so i worked more on "knowing my body". And in the end found out what i need. Now i don't have problems with achieving it, but as i said, only by myself-i don't have a partner for a longer time already.
I think me and my ex just didn't match, or had different views and desires at the moment, so it wasn't working.

LoL, don't know if it's a luck or not, but i'm not able to do such things by myself. Maybe it's just taboo like some others, but i really don't find it pleasant. I need a partner. Btw i know myself enough, so i can achieve it very easily.

[Baron Samedi]

Men under 30 with little or no sex drive, probably should make inquiries about the state of their medical condition. I'm not saying that to be a troll. I'm 41, and I know a lot of guys my age, and its not typical for one's sex drive to fall off nearly so much even at my age, let alone at yours.

I am, physically, fine by medical standards (had your typical checkup/bloodwork done recently).

This is a spiritual malaise, methinks.

[The Alchemist]

I am, physically, fine by medical standards (had your typical checkup/bloodwork done recently).

This is a spiritual malaise, methinks.

"Spiritual" disease is even worse, trust me.

[Baron Samedi]

No one suggested there isn't a great deal more to life than just sexuality, but the fact you characterize human sexuality as merely "a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole," would seem to indicate that you suffer from some sort of tragic derangement, alas.

Derangement? Go fuck yourself.

You know damn good and well most licentious individuals fuck merely to fuck... Nothing more.

[mymy]

LoL, don't know if it's a luck or not, but i'm not able to do such things by myself. Maybe it's just taboo like some others, but i really don't find it pleasant. I need a partner. Btw i know myself enough, so i can achieve it very easily.

Haha... yeah i understand. Not all women feel pleasant by satisfying themselves. And it is true, that way you feel incomplete. But, i already mentioned high libido and and good control. So yes, i don't change partners, cause i am perfect monogamist and person for stable relation, but i do give pleasure to myself. And there is nothing bad in it. I am just aware of my body and it is part of my sexuality. Of course, when i will have partner it will change, this is just temporary.

I also know myself good, like you, i am aware of every aspect of me- psychical and physical. And knowing who you are, helps you to understand your own sexuality.

[The Alchemist]

Haha... yeah i understand. Not all women feel pleasant by satisfying themselves. And it is true, that way you feel incomplete. But, i already mentioned high libido and and good control. So yes, i don't change partners, cause i am perfect monogamist and person for stable relation, but i do give pleasure to myself. And there is nothing bad in it. I am just aware of my body and it is part of my sexuality. Of course, when i will have partner it will change, this is just temporary.

I also know myself good, like you, i am aware of every aspect of me- psychical and physical. And knowing who you are, helps you to understand your own sexuality.

The only important thing is feeling good with yourself, nothing else. I don't feel satisfied by masturbation, i rather do nothing.

[Jake Featherston]

Derangement? Go fuck yourself.

Do you like being a miserable creature who yearns for death, then? Is that a trait you wish to preserve in yourself? Is it healthy? Or is it more likely a sort of mental disturbance? Its more romantic, of course, to characterize it as a "spiritual crisis," but otherwise I frankly don't see much of a difference. "Derangement" sounds more negative, and hence is more honest, because the situation you're dealing with here is clearly pretty negative. Do you deny this?


You know damn good and well most licentious individuals fuck merely to fuck... Nothing more.

I don't know (or care) what you mean by that remark. It certainly isn't relevant to anything I have said. It sounds like a response from a person who is suffering from a tragic derangement, frankly.

[Baron Samedi]

Do you like being a miserable creature who yearns for death, then? Is that a trait you wish to preserve in yourself? Is it healthy? Or is it more likely a sort of mental disturbance? Its more romantic, of course, to characterize it as a "spiritual crisis," but otherwise I frankly don't see much of a difference. "Derangement" sounds more negative, and hence is more honest, because the situation you're dealing with here is clearly pretty negative. Do you deny this?



I don't know (or care) what you mean by that remark. It certainly isn't relevant to anything I have said. It sounds like a response from a person who is suffering from a tragic derangement, frankly.

My faith keeps me from yearning death... So no.

What doesn't kill us (negativity) makes us stronger.

Keep living in blissful ignorance of the ailments of the world (or in your case, fucking to your hearts content).

Pieces of shit, the whole lot of you.

[Fortis in Arduis]

Opiate use has almost completely diminished my libido. I do not fantasise or act sexually very much these days.

I am not a true asexual, but I now find the hyper-sexualised world more confusing than ever, and I have no idea if this will ever end.

[Jake Featherston]

Keep living in blissful ignorance of the ailments of the world (or in your case, fucking to your hearts content).

I find it quite vile of you to so characterize my making love to my fiancee, whome I adore with all my heart, in such base and corrupt terms. I'm tempted to tell you off with an obscenity, but then I recall that you can't help yourself, due to your tragic derangement.


Pieces of shit, the whole lot of you.

Yeah, you're in great mental/spiritual/what-have-you shape. Clearly, there is nothing you'd want to change with that outstanding frame of reference you're basking in. :rolleyes:

[Baron Samedi]

I find it quite vile of you to so characterize my making love to my fiancee, whome I adore with all my heart, in such base and corrupt terms. I'm tempted to tell you off with an obscenity, but then I recall that you can't help yourself, due to your tragic derangement.



Yeah, you're in great mental/spiritual/what-have-you shape. Clearly, there is nothing you'd want to change with that outstanding frame of reference you're basking in. :rolleyes:

I didn't realize I was talking to a Christian... I apologize. :thumb001:

[Phil75231]

You either like it or not, you either feel the need or not. This is so subjective and really interesting at the same time.

Allow me a nitpick, WW --

The first sentence is true, although to varying extents or degrees (i.e. high sex drive, average one, or low one - or even none at all, as the thread topic focuses on).

The second sentence is the real nitpick. It IS subjective to say "Sex feels good", "Sex is overrated", etc. BUT It is objective to say "John Doe does not enjoy sex" or "Jane Doe think sex is overrated".

The reason is that it is an objective truth that John's or Jane's brain and/or hormone level is such that they will have a sex drive (or not); vaguely similar to why it is an objective truth to say "Phil75231 is uncoordinated and has slurred speech 1.5 hours after he has drank 1.5 liters of beer over that previous 1.5 hours" - at least where it concerns hormones, which, like alcohol, is essentially a mind-altering chemical. If its due to intrinsic brain structure, then a vaguely good analogy is homosexuality (or dyslexia, for those posters who prefer to think HS is a choice). The brain structure of homosexuals (or dyslexics) is different from "normal" people. Therefore it should be no surprise that objectively speaking, a person does not have a desire for sex (or does, depending on the brain structure and neurochemical balance present).


I don't see how this is normal. I'd suggest a hormonal imbalance or perhaps people go through things in life that stresses kill their natural drive.

It's only "not normal" in the statistical sense - around 1% of the population is asexual. But that's just a statistical argument and nothing more. In the end, it's not a matter of whether it's "normal" (as in "not weird, odd, strange, etc."), it's a matter of whether asexuality can in any reasonable way be a threat to you or anyone else. The notion of asexuality being "not normal" in any way beyond the statistical sense tells me more about how shallow mainstream society is than it does about whether asexuality is something that "needs curing".


Does being asexual also mean that a person never falls in love or has any crushes on someone?

According to the Guardian article in the OP (and many other online sources), asexuals can fall into romantic love. Their problem is finding someone who is just as indifferent about sex (or at least as tolerant of little to no sexual activity) as they are.


It sounds like quite a boring life.

Not necessarily. I presume they found other forms of excitement that have zero to do with sex. In fact, I'd argue they have a richer life due to their activities, given they aren't preoccupied to bang some hottie they frequently see. They're certainly less likely to do stupid things in order to impress people (or if they are just as prone to do so, it certainly isn't because of trying to be attractive to someone).




I can only wonder just what you make of life, then, with that sort of mentality.

How base.

Well sex is an essential part of life and it does not make me any more unintellectual or primitive to want it in a relationship, on the contrary, your opinions are bordering unnatural

I have to side with Jerry on this one, although I can see a deeper point in Baron's post. If Jerry does have a high enough sex drive, then he will need a woman with a comparable drive for the relationship to be stable.

OTOH, IMO, society as a whole does put far, far too much emphasis on sex - to the point where society borders on confusing a "normal" (read "appropriate") sex drive with clinically-defined sex addiction. Regardless of whether I'm correct in this, it's certainly true the Sexual Revolution is just out of control - just as far to the other extreme today as the Victorians were (in public at least) in their no-sex-before-marriage attitudes.

[Phil75231]

I'm guessing most male asexuals jack off like mad rabbits, and hence aren't really "asexual" at all. They are just dorks.

I'm less sure about female asexuals. I suspect a lot of them, like many of the women who turn to lesbianism, have had negative experiences with (too) early (forced?) sexual encounters, and have responded by turning away from sex/romance altogether (as in the case of asexuals), or just from men (in the case of many/most lesbians).

Similar arguments were made 25 years ago about homosexuality. Those arguments didn't stand the test of time. If conventional common sense wisdom can be so off-base with regard to gays and lesbians, then how can you trust conventional common sense wisdom with regard to asexuality?

Beyond this, your comments are simply appealing to conventional gender ideals (men are supposed to be men - especially possessing of sexual viral; yet you give women a (sort of) free pass in that regard, though not without psychologizing their motives). In effect, you are defining for a man what he ought to be in your (or at least mainstream society's eyes), as opposed to a person with his own "right way" of living his life. That's presumptuous to say the least.

Given the history of the past 25-30 yrs, I see no reason to not take asexuals at their word: they simply don't have a sex drive and are happy with being without a sex drive - or would be if mainstream society didn't make such presumptions about what a lack of sex drive means.

[Curtis24]

What do you think? :P

[rhiannon]

When I first had learned how to achieve orgasms on my own I could also do it with my partner of that time. He was older and more experienced, that probably helped a lot.

I learned to achieve Os on my own after said partner mentioned previously dumped me for the first time. It took a while...but it finally happened...and ever since I learned the ability to do it on my own, no man has ever had that sort of power over me.

Admittedly, the one partner who first did it for me....well, he had a sexual hold over me unlike anyone before....or after him. I still have sex dreams about this dude, dammit.

LOL!

[Nameless Son]

Admittedly, the one partner who first did it for me....well, he had a sexual hold over me unlike anyone before....or after him. I still have sex dreams about this dude, dammit.


I can only dream of having that kind of "hold," you as put it, over a woman!

Anyway, this asexual stuff sounds like girl problems to me. How many young healthy men claim to be asexual I wonder?

[Phil75231]

I can only dream of having that kind of "hold," you as put it, over a woman!

Anyway, this asexual stuff sounds like girl problems to me. How many young healthy men claim to be asexual I wonder?

Probably not too much fewer than women. It's just that men have more cultural inhibitions about expressing it (as exemplified in Jake's post, which is fairly typical of first reactions upon hearing of asexuality). Still, David Jay is the one who really brought it to the media spotlight in the US, so that's at least one guy, plus several more who came "out of the asexual closet".

[Hevneren]

I'm not asexual, but frankly I never bought into the idea that I have to have sex at a certain age and with a certain number of people. I don't like it when society tries to dictate what you should do, so in a sense I've rebelled against the general image young people are presented with.

We (males) are expected to have lower standards and to chase anything in a skirt. We're expected to not be as loyal, honest or faithful as women are.

I'm no prude, but I think society can become too focused on sex, to a degree where it doesn't see individuals and it doesn't accept deviation from what is considered the norm.

[rhiannon]

I can only dream of having that kind of "hold," you as put it, over a woman!

Anyway, this asexual stuff sounds like girl problems to me. How many young healthy men claim to be asexual I wonder?

If you only knew. This dude messed me up pretty badly because he had such a hold over me. It was simultaneously the best and worst time of my life...but looking back, there was a lot more bad than good.

Still, this dude physically attracted me in a way I have never experienced before or since. We did things together I would never have done prior....and likely will never do again.

Unfortunately, for all the outstanding sex we had, he was a hurtful person and he used his power over me to manipulate me....and effectively he did...until I finally managed to break myself away. It took 5 years, many breakups and reconciliations, and loss of pretty much everything I had ever worked for in order for me to do this.

The irony is....I am friends with him today....but we don't speak that often, and I know better than to go anywhere near his vicinity.....it's just too volatile for me emotionally.

The only thing that I get comfort from is knowing that he chased me even after I made the final break....and I was strong enough to tell him NO. Plus, by this time, I was dating my husband-to-be. There is no way I will ever do anything to hurt my husband...he is too special and wonderful of a human being and I love him tons:)

[Nameless Son]

Probably not too much fewer than women. It's just that men have more cultural inhibitions about expressing it (as exemplified in Jake's post, which is fairly typical of first reactions upon hearing of asexuality). Still, David Jay is the one who really brought it to the media spotlight in the US, so that's at least one guy, plus several more who came "out of the asexual closet".

Still, I would guess that it may be caused by neurosis in males, but in females be the extreme of an actually quite psychologically standard characteristic.

Men don't like to admit the extent of their sexual desires. We don't like to admit the power women have over us...

EDIT: though i admit that would be quite a counterintuitive kind of neurosis, as far as i understand the term.

[Queen B]

I have a high libido myself, so I can never understand asexual.
I want to, but since I can't be in theirs shoes, I can't understand it .
I m in my late 20s (turning 28 tommorow actually, - yes - yes you have to wish me happy birthday tommorow) and I am sexually active since 18.

I never lost interest on that.Even being with the same partner for many years (many people do less and less often sex when mantaining a long term relationship) I still love it a lot :)


My only experience was with a guy was 2 years older than me, and with same experience like me-we were first to each other. But i was knew what i like... since my early teens i was very conscious of my body and it's abilities (so many that i even didn't bleeding during first time or feel the pain)... while he was still confused. I believe men take it different than women. To him, sex was still some kind of taboo. :confused:
And as for orgasms, i agree that it's something it should be learn, i learnt how to have it by myself- after not having orgasms with a partner, i though something is wrong with myself, so i worked more on "knowing my body". And in the end found out what i need. Now i don't have problems with achieving it, but as i said, only by myself-i don't have a partner for a longer time already.
I think me and my ex just didn't match, or had different views and desires at the moment, so it wasn't working.

Since you can experience it on your own, then there is nothing wrong with yourself. It's just that you and your ex didn't match.


If everybody has such high libido why are you spending so much time on the internet !? Shouldnt you be banging someone right this moment ? :)

Because not all people have same times schedules or the ability to meet all the time

[rhiannon]

Men don't like to admit the extent of their sexual desires. We don't like to admit the power women have over us...


Hubs tells me all the time that if only I were ugly with small tits....I'd get away with less shit....:D

Some men are willing to relinquish control that way. Hubs knows I will never hurt him....and he even knows about this other dude....albeit...he HATES him....lol

[AussieScott]

Hubs tells me all the time that if only I were ugly with small tits....I'd get away with less shit....:D

Some men are willing to relinquish control that way. Hubs knows I will never hurt him....and he even knows about this other dude....albeit...he HATES him....lol

Did you tell him about your dreams? :eek:

He'd hate him for sure.

My wife dreams of me...:D. She tells me about it, I didn't realise women could have a type of orgasm when they dream.

I don't have many dreams,:( but is also a good thing.

[rhiannon]

Did you tell him about your dreams? :eek:

He'd hate him for sure.

My wife dreams of me...:D. She tells me about it, I didn't realise women could have a type of orgasm when they dream.

I don't have many dreams,:( but is also a good thing.

I've had sex dreams with hubs in them, also:)

However, hubs and I have made it a practice of being honest with each other. He knows about the other guy and naturally, it makes him jealous. Just as I am jealous of aspects of his past. For us, it seems a modicum of jealousy has been healthy for our relationship.

We have actually used this jealousy to our sexual advantage, however....for hubs wanted to have the ability to give me the same satisfaction as what my ex had done. As a result, I can happily say that hubs is one of only two men that have enabled me to reach that climax. This is a good thing:)

Yes, I think women can have orgasms when they dream...it has definitely happened to me, and you generally wake up from those dreams REALLY horny, lol

[Hevneren]

I think people in the old days are more likely to not be expressive. It seems to be some Old World cultural thing. I see it with my elderly aunts and uncles from the "Old Country."

My parent's generation weren't very expressive. Public displays of affection were seen as a "too much". Frankly, I've carried that attitude with me, and I'd be uncomfortable kissing in public.

It's the culture in my part of the world to be a bit reserved, at least if you haven't imbibed alcohol.

[Argyll]

Men under 30 with little or no sex drive, probably should make inquiries about the state of their medical condition. I'm not saying that to be a troll. I'm 41, and I know a lot of guys my age, and its not typical for one's sex drive to fall off nearly so much even at my age, let alone at yours.

'Scuse me sir, but I hope you're not speaking for all men under 30 :wink

[Sabinae]

http://humorswitch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/no-sex.gif

:D

:lmao I remember the film... :laugh: Good call!




I didn't say I don't desire it (on occasion, and a rare one at that).

There's just more to life than a fleshy pole going in and out of a wet, fleshy hole.

You are not asexual... :) You have a neat pervy side, as I read the lines, plus you didn't forget the "wetness" :eyes

Of course, bottom line is, your message is important: the need for a higher, clean connection among partners. A need for stability and loyalty. We get to some points in our lives when we strive for such connections, I speak from my heart.

Anyhow... once you find a good person like that... "the pole, and wet...fleshy" scene can be rather tempting at times...
:wink
This life is weird, nonetheless, Baron... Situations can shift... Partnership can turn, sadly, to dust. So remember to enjoy every ounce of the miliseconds passing by you... with/without someone... :hug2::kiss: Aye, cheer up! A heart fears breaking, yet it knows eternity is feebly accessible to a mortal... Breaking becomes inevitable. :)

[AussieScott]

I've had sex dreams with hubs in them, also:)

However, hubs and I have made it a practice of being honest with each other. He knows about the other guy and naturally, it makes him jealous. Just as I am jealous of aspects of his past. For us, it seems a modicum of jealousy has been healthy for our relationship.

We have actually used this jealousy to our sexual advantage, however....for hubs wanted to have the ability to give me the same satisfaction as what my ex had done. As a result, I can happily say that hubs is one of only two men that have enabled me to reach that climax. This is a good thing:)

Yes, I think women can have orgasms when they dream...it has definitely happened to me, and you generally wake up from those dreams REALLY horny, lol

Communication, practise and the women letting go(Being comfortable and trusting of the man), I have found was the main key to unlock the explosive multiple big O, but some blokes just have the knack, I was fortunately one of those blokes.

Ahem, before my wife and including her...I have been shocked to find women who did not orgasm before from sexual penetration. Every women has told me masturbation O is no where near the intensity and satisfaction of sex O, from my own experience I would have to agree. Also, sex I find is a large contributor to a long lasting relationship.

[rhiannon]

Communication, practise and the women letting go(Being comfortable and trusting of the man), I have found was the main key to unlock the explosive multiple big O, but some blokes just have the knack, I was fortunately one of those blokes.

Ahem, before my wife and including her...I have been shocked to find women who did not orgasm before from sexual penetration. Every women has told me masturbation O is no where near the intensity and satisfaction of sex O, from my own experience I would have to agree. Also, sex I find is a large contributor to a long lasting relationship.

Fewer than 50% of all women climax from the act of intercourse. Included in that statistic is myself.

[Terek]

To tell the truth I do not understand how someone is asexual. In the same way that I think about atheists, I do not understand how someone lives this such a sad and empty life. Isn't sex something only so natural to want?

There is a BIG difference through between asexuality and virginity. It is a different thing to have the value that you should be a virgin until you marry the person who is the best, because it is something you only have once. Even people who are virgins for a late age have to participate in sexual activity in other ways before this ultimate intercourse))

And it's different for women and men, for women there are other ways but they should save the best for last)) Men though it's not so important, they need practice) Men are to be driven wild, and they are and that's how it should be.

I have not heard of ANY one around me as asexual. I think they would better be gay than asexual..

[Hevneren]

To tell the truth I do not understand how someone is asexual. In the same way that I think about atheists, I do not understand how someone lives this such a sad and empty life. Isn't sex something only so natural to want?

There is a BIG difference through between asexuality and virginity. It is a different thing to have the value that you should be a virgin until you marry the person who is the best, because it is something you only have once. Even people who are virgins for a late age have to participate in sexual activity in other ways before this ultimate intercourse))

And it's different for women and men, for women there are other ways but they should save the best for last)) Men though it's not so important, they need practice) Men are to be driven wild, and they are and that's how it should be.

I have not heard of ANY one around me as asexual. I think they would better be gay than asexual..

First of all, why do we lead a sad existence just because we don't believe in your god? I find it sad when religious people feel compelled to judge and insult others for thinking differently (revealing an insecurity), rather than being happy with their beliefs.

Second of all, it's funny that you apply double standards to men and women and describe men like they were wild animals. :rolleyes2:

[Terek]

First of all, why do we lead a sad existence just because we don't believe in your god? I find it sad when religious people feel compelled to judge and insult others for thinking differently (revealing an insecurity), rather than being happy with their beliefs.:




I am just saying as a comparison that its the same way I don't understand.


Second of all, it's funny that you apply double standards to men and women and describe men like they were wild animals. :rolleyes2

I mean to say here, it is that way. I say like it is:cool:

[Queen B]

To tell the truth I do not understand how someone is asexual. In the same way that I think about atheists, I do not understand how someone lives this such a sad and empty life. Isn't sex something only so natural to want?

What atheism have to do with sex, and how a God-less life can be considered empty and sad? :confused:

[rhiannon]

Hev, I don't think she meant it that way. She cannot imagine asexuality or life without religious faith because both are very important to her. Conversely, neither you nor I can imagine life WITH a religious faith for much the same reason. I am completely happy as an Agnostic....as I am sure you are as an Atheist.

I also think she did not mean that men are wild animals...although I could be wrong, lol

[AussieScott]

Fewer than 50% of all women climax from the act of intercourse. Included in that statistic is myself.

That's got to suck. Think of it this way, you won't miss what you haven't had,or may never have.

[Terek]

I also think she did not mean that men are wild animals...although I could be wrong, lol

I mean particularly men here (the caucasus) are hot blooded. They need sex in general or else they do crazy things:thumb001: believe me) If there was a man who did not want sex there was something wrong with him.

[rhiannon]

That's got to suck. Think of it this way, you won't miss what you haven't had,or may never have.

Most women who can't probably never will. The pisser of the whole thing though is that in film, books, or other media....women that orgasm during intercourse are portrayed as the norm.

They're not. They are actually in the minority.

But for the women that can.....many of them are total sex maniacs because of it:) I know a few who fit this bill, lol

[Terek]

I think it's also a different thing,
Some people just want sex, only sex as it is, and some people want sex with someone they are attracted to. I am that way, I will only like sex for pleasure if I am attracted to a man, but there are some man who will have sex with anyone just for the feeling of it.

[mymy]

My opinion is that we are all different and all have some our standards. The thing is that many people consider only their standards to be acceptable and normal, while the opposite can look very unnatural and unacceptable in our minds. But, everything is okay while it doesn't hurt other people and also ourselves, and while we are happy with it. Male and female sexuality is much more complex than some people believe, there are lot of varieties... and we shouldn't judge them.
Same goes for religion, being very religions or being atheist, or change your believing from time to time-everything is normal in our life journey, it is process we will pass while we are discovering ourselves, and for different people this process isn't the same.

[Hevneren]

I am just saying as a comparison that its the same way I don't understand.

No, you wrote that Atheists must have a sad existence. It's an assertion on how our lives are, and frankly it's a bit patronising. :shrug:


I mean to say here, it is that way. I say like it is:cool:

No, not all men act like wild animals, and this attitude is why I rebelled against how sex and behaviour is being introduced in modern society.

[Queen B]

Hev, I don't think she meant it that way. She cannot imagine asexuality or life without religious faith because both are very important to her. Conversely, neither you nor I can imagine life WITH a religious faith for much the same reason. I am completely happy as an Agnostic....as I am sure you are as an Atheist.

I also think she did not mean that men are wild animals...although I could be wrong, lol

Probably yes, but she characterized that life as sad and empty. She can never know how my life is with or without them to label it as she likes.
If HER life would be empty without that, okay, but not mine.

As I said, I can't understand how people can be asexual, but what their life is or how they feel their life is without sex, its not me that I can label.

[Terek]

No, not all men act like wild animals, and this attitude is why I rebelled against how sex and behaviour is being introduced in modern society.

You don't live in Chechnya.

[Hevneren]

I mean particularly men here (the caucasus) are hot blooded. They need sex in general or else they do crazy things:thumb001: believe me) If there was a man who did not want sex there was something wrong with him.

That sounds like some kind of mental problem or lack of impulse control. It doesn't seem like normal behaviour. :shrug:

[Hevneren]

You don't live in Chechnya.

Fair enough, but you're not an Atheist. ;)

[AussieScott]

Most women who can't probably never will. The pisser of the whole thing though is that in film, books, or other media....women that orgasm during intercourse are portrayed as the norm.

They're not. They are actually in the minority.

But for the women that can.....many of them are total sex maniacs because of it:) I know a few who fit this bill, lol

Well women(Wife shhh) generally don't orgasm all the time every time, there are better times of the month for sex then others, plus there's a variety of other factors.

Testosterone levels have a lot to do with it. A higher testosterone level generally means more sex and more orgasms. Two ways that can be achieved is one, by seeing a Dr and being prescribed Viagra(Yes, it works to raise a women's testosterone level to.). Two, by one or two alcoholic drinks, not to get drunk, just tipsy or even before it, as that also raises the testosterone levels.

One thing in the Lesbian community I found out when doing my Medic course, God bless Navy Chicks:D:tongue(It's now a Tri service course in Aus.). Some Lesbians like genetically masculine men, as in men with an abundance of testosterone. As excessive testosterone is believed to depict a larger sex drive. Yes, I was surprised to, Lesbians who like something else on the side...who would of thought. These Lesbians are hypersexed and they like hypersexed men.

[Queen B]

Well women generally don't orgasm all the time every time, there are better times of the month for sex then others.
I am halluvah lucky woman :D

[AussieScott]

I am halluvah lucky woman :D

I can feel the testosterone ooze from here. :D

[Jerry]

lol @ the tag Finns gone wild :D

And I don't think the comparison of being asexual with having no religion makes a lot of sense at all.. I guess both are primitive human urges though; to have sex and believe in a higher power but personally I understand rejecting the latter quite a bit better. The first one is something very hard to fight and beyond rational and the other one is a thing you can rationalize how much you like and change your opinions on.

[Leadchucker]

..women that orgasm during intercourse are portrayed as the norm.
Absent physcial...ahh...configuration impeding the Big O, some is in the technique of the two partners. I'll just leave it at we have learned what works for us. We are very happy indeed :embarrassed

[Sally]

What atheism have to do with sex, and how a God-less life can be considered empty and sad? :confused:

There was a survey ("Sex and Secularism") conducted by psychologist Dr. Darrel Ray and a student from the University of Kansas last year, and it found that the atheists surveyed had better sex lives than religious respondents!

[Amapola]

There was a survey ("Sex and Secularism") conducted by psychologist Dr. Darrel Ray and a student from the University of Kansas last year, and it found that the atheists surveyed had better sex lives than religious respondents! :D

Yet I don't think that religious people are very prone to speak about their sexual lives :embarrassed

[Leadchucker]

There was a survey ("Sex and Secularism") conducted by psychologist Dr. Darrel Ray and a student from the University of Kansas last year, and it found that the atheists surveyed had better sex lives than religious respondents! :D


I shall be forced to stay the course on my religion thingy then. The thought of my sex life being any better makes me slightly faint. In a very guy sort of way for comparision......if compared to vehicles where "regular" sex is riding a bicycle, then I am driving a supercharged nitro burning AA fuel dragster.

And I am one of those religious types and I talkled :eek:

To repeat myself...I am very :D

[WitheredWhiteness]

There is no rule to religion and sex life, however it depends how you define the impact that religion has on believers. Most of the people consider themselves as believers, but as far as I have noticed... the lower the impact the happier the believer. Religions makes rules, the less you obey the more comfortable your life is. Eventually you can follow some instructions from time to time and still consider yourself as a believer - peace of mind guaranteed...

[Baron Samedi]

I think it's also a different thing,
Some people just want sex, only sex as it is, and some people want sex with someone they are attracted to. I am that way, I will only like sex for pleasure if I am attracted to a man, but there are some man who will have sex with anyone just for the feeling of it.

Religion: Islam

Hypocritical one at that.

Fuck off.

[Baron Samedi]

You have all been successfully trolled for the past few pages... HAHAHAHA.

No, but seriously... I do think too much emphasis is put on sex nowadays. It sucks, especially for fat turds like me that can't get laid.

[WitheredWhiteness]

You have all been successfully trolled for the past few pages... HAHAHAHA.

Well thank you. :wink

[Baron Samedi]

I will admit this, though... I have many many days where I just feel "nothing" in terms of sexual desire in any way.

I've lived with a depressive illness since I was 15 though... So I'm wondering if that has something to do with it.

Society also doesn't help... There really seems no "reason" to desire anyone or anything anymore. Too many plastic morons abound.

[Supreme American]

I will admit this, though... I have many many days where I just feel "nothing" in terms of sexual desire in any way.

I've lived with a depressive illness since I was 15 though... So I'm wondering if that has something to do with it.

Society also doesn't help... There really seems no "reason" to desire anyone or anything anymore. Too many plastic morons abound.

It does. You can bet on it.

As far as your 3rd statement, that's depression speaking.

[Supreme American]

I do think too much emphasis is put on sex nowadays. It sucks, especially for fat turds like me that can't get laid.

So do something about it.

[WitheredWhiteness]

Society also doesn't help... There really seems no "reason" to desire anyone or anything anymore. Too many plastic morons abound.

This is a plastic world and we soon will become plastic as well. We struggle like crazy to be beautiful, slim, fit, young, popular, desired... and I really don't see any reason for that. We are being indoctrinated with examples of perfection and it sticks to our mind so badly that we are not able to think differently. We are just getting more and more stupid through the years.

All I wrote is so sad and trivial that it almost hurts.

[Atlantic Islander]

Asexual people are people who experience no sexual attraction, although some asexuals, including but not limited to gray-asexuals do experience sexual attraction at one time or another. This does not mean that these people have a disorder, and they can be quite happy the way they are.

1. Note the difference between asexuality and celibacy. Asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy. Celibates are people who may have sexual attraction, but refrain from sexual activity, whereas asexuals have no sexual desires with any gender. Not all asexuals are celibate.

2. Don't confuse asexuals with homosexuals. Asexuals are not closeted homosexuals. Asexuals have no sexual attraction to their own gender, ruling homosexuality out as an orientation. Some asexuals are homoromantic, however. Asexuals are able to be romantically attracted, and can identify with many different romantic orientations (panromantic, biromantic, hetero-romantic, homoromantic, lithromantic, sapioromantic, etc).

3. Understand that asexuals are not people who have repressed their sexuality. Celibates refrain from having sex (temporarily, such as until marriage, or permanently, such as some priests), while asexuals usually have no sexual thoughts about their spouse even in a strong marriage.

4. Don't expect change. Asexuals will not change if they "meet the right person". Asexuals are usually born asexual and will usually be asexual for their entire lives, just like any other sexuality. Implying that they can be "fixed" is very insulting.

5. Understand their motivations. Asexuals are not against having non-sexual relationships. They just don't have the desire to engage in sex. Many asexuals have partners. Some have sex for a variety of reasons (emotional intimacy, reproduction, etc), though they are not sexually attracted to their partner. On the flip side, understand that some asexuals are sex-repulsed (meaning that sex may make them feel intensely uncomfortable, and even the thought of having sex or anything voyeuristic could make them feel literally sick.)

6. Being asexual does not mean they do not like touch. Just because a person is asexual does not mean that they do not like touch. They just do not have any desire for any kind of sexual touch. Some asexuals can be touch averse, however. Touch aversion and the lack thereof depend on the person and not their sexual orientation. It would be best to ask.

7. Avoid thinking of asexuals as having a disorder. It is not listed as a disorder in the DSM-IV. They do not choose to be asexual, and many asexuals are perfectly happy being asexual and feel that there is no need to "cure" asexuality. Being asexual usually changes little about a person's behavior; they may not even seem asexual by all outward appearances.

8. Understand that most asexuals are not asexual because they have been sexually abused. There is no known cause for being asexual, just as there is no known cause for any of the other sexual orientations.

Tips


An asexual person is the same person they were before they told you they were asexual. You don't need to treat them differently unless they specifically ask you to.
Don't be offended if he or she is not interested in a relationship. Understand that asexuals do not experience sexual attraction or experience very infrequent sexual attraction, so he/she will most likely turn you down if you just want to "hook up".
Grey-Asexuals are individuals who may become sexually attracted to others depending on the circumstance. Demisexuality, for example, is a kind of Grey-Asexual who can become sexually attracted to those they form strong bonds with.
A term used frequently is "ace", which is a shorthand version of the word "asexual".
Keep in mind romantic orientation is not the same as sexual orientation.
In addition, some asexuals are aromantic, meaning they either do not experience or have no interest in romantic relationships. If this is the case, then they will not be interested in a romantic relationship. Many asexuals are also wary of dating those who do experience sexual attraction, because they anticipate that their potential partner will expect sex or misc. sexual favors.
If you are in a romantic relationship with an asexual and you are a sexual person (heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, etc), communication is vital for you and your partner to know what your partner is and is not comfortable with.
There are several symbols for asexuality. One is to wear a black ring on the middle finger of your right hand. Another is either the Ace of Spades or the Ace of Hearts. Yet another are the asexual colors: black, grey, white, and purple. Black stands for asexuality, grey for grey-asexuals, white for sexuals, and purple for community.

[Bakha]

It is not normal:
1)Hormonal deficiency (testosterone and other sex hormones)
2)Neurochemical imbalances (deression, mental illness, hyperactivity of pineal gland (in normal mature human pineal gland is supressed since puberty, otherwise infantility/schizo/asexuality occur))
Wanting romance relationship and zero sex is also an illness - normal male human animal should always want to have animalistic sex.

[LalaLuna]

It is not normal:
1)Hormonal deficiency (testosterone and other sex hormones)
2)Neurochemical imbalances (deression, mental illness, hyperactivity of pineal gland (in normal mature human pineal gland is supressed since puberty, otherwise infantility/schizo/asexuality occur))
Wanting romance relationship and zero sex is also an illness - normal male human animal should always want to have animalistic sex.

Many asexuals have had their hormones checked and have not been diagnosed with a mental illness, but are still, in fact, asexual.

I also find it disgusting that you think everyone should want to behave animalistically about sex, when the act in itself is inherently emotional and prior to modern times was primarily a means of reproduction. In a time where overpopulation is growing and economic sources are frail, it'd be best to not have a disturbing sex drive which can lead to unwanted pregnancy. There is evolutionary value in having "emotional" beta and omegas in a social group even if most people value the alpha, as there is likely and evolutionary reason for alternative sexuality or lack-thereof, even if you value heterosexuality.

[Gamaliel]

100%

[kevinmac]

I think many Asexual people are Asexual because they either have low hormone or they don't get turned on very easily.

[Hulu]

I think many Asexual people are Asexual because they either have low hormone or they don't get turned on very easily.

Many studies say it's not a hormonal issue. But it could be linked to depression if there are no other issues.

[Anglo-Celtic]

Note: I'm not asexual, although my sex drive has definitely weakend considerably in my late 20s. Perhaps because of this, I certainly understand the need for the article below.

In his late twenties? I still wake up with wood at my age, so OP needed some Ageless Male back in the day.

[Celestia]

I fall under “demisexual”. I don’t feel lust or sexual attraction for a guy unless there’s an emotional bond as well.
Low hormones or not I prefer to keep it that way.

[Incal]

They say women's sexual peak is 38 and for a man it's 22. Not good news for women. :(

That's what I've also heard.

[Anglo-Celtic]

I fall under “demisexual”. I don’t feel lust or sexual attraction for a guy unless there’s an emotional bond as well.
Low hormones or not I prefer to keep it that way.

Most women are like that. I didn't know that it had a name, though.

[Anglo-Celtic]

That's what I've also heard.

Who knows? They say that women's strength peaks at 15 while men's strength peaks in their thirties.

[Celestia]

Most women are like that. I didn't know that it had a name, though.

The labels are a bit ridiculous imo. I thought it was normal too but out of my group of friends, I am the only one who feels that way.

[Hulu]

I fall under “demisexual”. I don’t feel lust or sexual attraction for a guy unless there’s an emotional bond as well.
Low hormones or not I prefer to keep it that way.

I find that hard to believe. You may not have sex right away but physical attraction should be first.

[Celestia]

I find that hard to believe. You may not have sex right away but physical attraction should be first.

It’s never been that way for me.
I develop attraction after the fact. It was like that with every singe one of my relationships

[Incal]

Most women are like that. I didn't know that it had a name, though.

Me neither. All women in my country are demisexual lol

[Hulu]

It’s never been that way for me.
I develop attraction after the fact. It was like that with every singe one of my relationships

You may not realize it but you do give a preference to a guy over the others based on their looks. You don't give everybody a chance equally until you get to know them and form an emotional bond.

[Celestia]

You may not realize it but you do give a preference to a guy over the others based on their looks. You don't give everybody a chance equally until you get to know them and form an emotional bond.

I agree with that. Their appearance isn’t what catches my attention at first, but I also can’t force attraction if it’s not there either.

What I am saying is that I don’t experience lust or any kind of sexual craving over someone simply by their physical appearance alone. The only time I’ve felt that way is after forming a bond with them.

[Anglo-Celtic]

The labels are a bit ridiculous imo. I thought it was normal too but out of my group of friends, I am the only one who feels that way.

I think that I have the "marriage version" of that. I have to have more than a sexual attraction to take things that far, but I refuse to use one of those terms to describe myself. ;-)

[Celestia]

I think that I have the "marriage version" of that. I have to have more than a sexual attraction to take things that far, but I refuse to use one of those terms to describe myself. ;-)

You and every other guy lol :-p

[joanna_38]

I feel partially at fault is because I'm slightly anatomically incorrect so it makes sex incredibly boring and not interesting to me. It is not that intriguing when you have to only do all the work and when they do it, you feel nothing.
But anything besides that doesn't include the indirect "classic" sex, i think is exciting. But the act itself i feel is incredibly overrated. I've even felt "broken" a lot of times because of those thoughts.

[Seya]

I agree with that. Their appearance isn’t what catches my attention at first, but I also can’t force attraction if it’s not there either.

What I am saying is that I don’t experience lust or any kind of sexual craving over someone simply by their physical appearance alone. The only time I’ve felt that way is after forming a bond with them.
I think all women are like this or at least the majority.

[Vyacheslav]

Am I asexual? Probably yes, there are more interesting things for me than sex, especially since I live in isolation from people and no one annoys me :)