Aliandrin
05-28-2009, 01:14 AM
I'm sorry I got off to a poor start last time. I just wanted to clarify a few things and put others out in the open, maybe that way I can fit in better, and if not, there will be no two ways about it.
First off, I am a pretty extreme racist. I know this isn't a forum for hate, so I'll try not to post anything hateful on this forum. I'm not very moderate myself but I'm eager to reach out to people more moderate than I am, to either change or validate my beliefs as logic and practice dictates. I've always thought that moderation was an apologist's path, and thus self-defeating. Moderation can work, but it's about compromise, and PC won't compromise. The way I see it, by being an apologist - "Oh no I'm not a racist, I'm not like those skinheads, they're awful! I'm not awful!" - you don't make yourself look any better and you make a lot of other, more extreme people (myself included) look a lot worse.
Secondly, I didn't like the bad rap I caught for identifying as "white". And here's why. I started life as a bastard. My mother got pregnant by some man, then married a Jew to have a husband. He was only interested in my mother's inheritance (just a bloody house and an apartment building really) from her grandmother. As the years went by they got divorced, and I'm not going to say that made me a racist, but it certainly hastened my awakening. That, and the fact that I was beat up by a gang of black kids from about Fourth Grade onward. I couldn't say anything, nothing would ever happen to them, their parents didn't punish them. The school didn't punish them, the school didn't care. The principal was another Jew. I was even in a class one year, being the only white person in the class, including the teacher. The year started off with a few little tests to measure achievement, all of which I aced. When it came to the spelling test, I got a 100% and every other student failed, most with zeros. I admit that I was a bit boastful, and waved it around a bit. For the rest of the year, that ***slur deleted*** teacher gave points for "creative spellings" of words, and deducted from my correct spellings. She made sure I never recieved the highest grade in the class again.
Further down the road when I was in my late teens I joined a real-life neo-Nazi organisation, which sort of dissolved but technically I'm still a member. To get in, I had to prove I was white. Needless to say, the fact that my fake father was married to my mother when I was born put a hold on things. But after three months, and after I had given up, these people somehow found my real father. Don't ask me how they dug this person up, his name isn't even on my birth certificate. I was allowed in and they gave me a record of my ancestry, which they had researched apparently pretty painstakingly. I was so happy to get in I didn't open it right away. But when I got home, At last, my real father, I thought. But then, I thought some more, about my life, my drunken mother, and why he probably left her. Up to that point, I always wanted to find him, but I decided it would be a mistake. It wasn't his fault, and I didn't want to burdon him, so I let things lie. I decided that the only reason I had left to look had already been fulfilled: To know for sure I was pure. So I threw the report into the fire without looking. I never looked back. Because I believe: If I'm white, it's good enough. I was told my real father was British but that's probably false. All I know for sure is that my fake father wasn't my father, because he was colorblind and so is my mother, and I'm not. Both rare traits, from what I understand, both in famales and in Jews. So all I know for certain is he was white, and not colorblind.
And that's good enough for me. I'm sorry if it isn't good enough for you. What I don't get is how you're so specific and forceful about being specific, while for black people, it's enough that they're black. They get all their brotherhood and blah blah blah the same from a Nigerian as from an Ethiopian.
To reiterate, I am eager to reach out and connect with people more moderate, even if I do not agree with them. I will do my best to behave on this forum even when I disagree. To me, there is no defense without attack, there is no compromise without mutual compromise, and there is no moderation without loss. But that's just how I feel about it. Judge me how you will, ban me if you must, but at least understand.
First off, I am a pretty extreme racist. I know this isn't a forum for hate, so I'll try not to post anything hateful on this forum. I'm not very moderate myself but I'm eager to reach out to people more moderate than I am, to either change or validate my beliefs as logic and practice dictates. I've always thought that moderation was an apologist's path, and thus self-defeating. Moderation can work, but it's about compromise, and PC won't compromise. The way I see it, by being an apologist - "Oh no I'm not a racist, I'm not like those skinheads, they're awful! I'm not awful!" - you don't make yourself look any better and you make a lot of other, more extreme people (myself included) look a lot worse.
Secondly, I didn't like the bad rap I caught for identifying as "white". And here's why. I started life as a bastard. My mother got pregnant by some man, then married a Jew to have a husband. He was only interested in my mother's inheritance (just a bloody house and an apartment building really) from her grandmother. As the years went by they got divorced, and I'm not going to say that made me a racist, but it certainly hastened my awakening. That, and the fact that I was beat up by a gang of black kids from about Fourth Grade onward. I couldn't say anything, nothing would ever happen to them, their parents didn't punish them. The school didn't punish them, the school didn't care. The principal was another Jew. I was even in a class one year, being the only white person in the class, including the teacher. The year started off with a few little tests to measure achievement, all of which I aced. When it came to the spelling test, I got a 100% and every other student failed, most with zeros. I admit that I was a bit boastful, and waved it around a bit. For the rest of the year, that ***slur deleted*** teacher gave points for "creative spellings" of words, and deducted from my correct spellings. She made sure I never recieved the highest grade in the class again.
Further down the road when I was in my late teens I joined a real-life neo-Nazi organisation, which sort of dissolved but technically I'm still a member. To get in, I had to prove I was white. Needless to say, the fact that my fake father was married to my mother when I was born put a hold on things. But after three months, and after I had given up, these people somehow found my real father. Don't ask me how they dug this person up, his name isn't even on my birth certificate. I was allowed in and they gave me a record of my ancestry, which they had researched apparently pretty painstakingly. I was so happy to get in I didn't open it right away. But when I got home, At last, my real father, I thought. But then, I thought some more, about my life, my drunken mother, and why he probably left her. Up to that point, I always wanted to find him, but I decided it would be a mistake. It wasn't his fault, and I didn't want to burdon him, so I let things lie. I decided that the only reason I had left to look had already been fulfilled: To know for sure I was pure. So I threw the report into the fire without looking. I never looked back. Because I believe: If I'm white, it's good enough. I was told my real father was British but that's probably false. All I know for sure is that my fake father wasn't my father, because he was colorblind and so is my mother, and I'm not. Both rare traits, from what I understand, both in famales and in Jews. So all I know for certain is he was white, and not colorblind.
And that's good enough for me. I'm sorry if it isn't good enough for you. What I don't get is how you're so specific and forceful about being specific, while for black people, it's enough that they're black. They get all their brotherhood and blah blah blah the same from a Nigerian as from an Ethiopian.
To reiterate, I am eager to reach out and connect with people more moderate, even if I do not agree with them. I will do my best to behave on this forum even when I disagree. To me, there is no defense without attack, there is no compromise without mutual compromise, and there is no moderation without loss. But that's just how I feel about it. Judge me how you will, ban me if you must, but at least understand.