Do Men That Have Been Cheated On In A Previous Serious Relationship Use Extra Precautions?

[Maddy]

I'm just wondering, because I'm sort of "seeing" a guy from my former med school class....but I can't tell if he is interested me as more than a friend...I do know that he was engaged a little over a year ago, and he broke it off because his fiance cheated on him. We've done the whole dinner date thing....planetarium, some art class, etc. And he's the one that has done all the "asking out"...He introduced me to his parents last week.....

Our mutual girlfriend asked what our "status" is....he told her that he's just taking things slow....

And I don't know if that's because he was cheated on before...and he's just being careful.....or if it's because of me (he is three years younger than me....and we grew up in very different religious backgrounds, but neither of us follow religion at all anymore).

I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm not sure how this all works out, but we have good chemistry, and I'm starting to develop feelings for him...(which is sort of an uncomfortable feeling for me, since it's my first time) but I'm thinking of just telling him that we can't hang out anymore, because I don't want to be emotionally attached to someone that doesn't have feelings for me....

I'm sorry if I sound whiny....but I don't know how else to put it....and a lot of you on this forum seem to know a lot about relationships...so I thought I'd just ask your thoughts

Thanks :)

[arcticwolf]

Their awareness of the phenomena will be elevated. ;) But here is how you handle that situation. You walk in on your significant other and their lover in your bedroom, you say: How was it, did you have fun? You must be famished after such a rigorous activity, would you care for breakfast? What would you like? Then you thank yourself for being so cool, and you move on to some one else. :p

All your other concerns, time heals wounds. Follow his pace. Not much you can do to influence his view in the short term.

[Hurrem sultana]

How long have you been seeing each other? if he introduced you to his parents then that is a great sign so i dont think you should stop it,i mean it is nothing wrong in taking things slow..it does not mean there are no feelings

[Mary]

No, he's just intimidated by you. You'll do fine.

If he introduced you to his parents, he probably wants you to be his steady girlfriend.

Keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

[Maddy]

How long have you been seeing each other? if he introduced you to his parents then that is a great sign so i dont think you should stop it,i mean it is nothing wrong in taking things slow..it does not mean there are no feelings

For the past 9 months or so, we've been hanging out in groups, but the past month and a half, he's been asking me to hang out just with him...

[arcticwolf]

No, he's just intimidated by you. You'll do fine.

If he introduced you to his parents, he probably wants you to be his steady girlfriend.

Keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Mary, but no sex, right? Don't men that are cheated on feel inadequate? You know what they say that woman never leaves well equipped guy, who knows his trade? :D

[Maddy]

No, he's just intimidated by you. You'll do fine.

If he introduced you to his parents, he probably wants you to be his steady girlfriend.

Keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Thanks, Mary....I'll keep it up....he knows that I'm a virgin....but I'm sort of worried that maybe he expects something else, because the girl he was with that cheated....is the class "whore".....and I'm sure he was getting some....

But we've only hugged....not even kissed yet....

[Maddy]

Mary, but no sex, right? Don't men that are cheated on feel inadequate? You know what they say that woman never leaves well equipped guy, who knows his trade? :D

Really, I would have never thought being cheated on would make him feel inadequate...but it does make sense.....

I'd never cheat on anyone....

[Mary]

Mary, but no sex, right? Don't men that are cheated on feel inadequate? You know what they say that woman never leaves well equipped guy, who knows his trade? :D

It seems like he will hang around her just to be close to her, so she can pretty much wait as long as she is comfortable with. That means she decides the price for sex.

It doesn't matter that he got cheated on, because he is already investing in her. That means he thinks that she is a catch. She should simply decide that he needs to be in a committed relationship with her before she has sex with him.

[arcticwolf]

Really, I would have never thought being cheated on would make him feel inadequate...but it does make sense.....

I'd never cheat on anyone....

Well, it's an act of betrayal, where the victim has to ask the question .... you've guessed it why? It's a failure of sorts, so it hurts the ego, the ego makes it worse than it really is. The conclusions don't have to have anything in common with reality of the particular situation, but the mind makes it so. It takes time to work it all out, so the early stages are confusion, it gets better as time goes by. Patience is the key. They don't call patience the greatest of virtues for nothing. ;)

[arcticwolf]

It seems like he will hang around her just to be close to her, so she can pretty much wait as long as she is comfortable with. That means she decides the price for sex.

It doesn't matter that he got cheated on, because he is already investing in her. That means he thinks that she is a catch. She should simply decide that he needs to be in a committed relationship with her before she has sex with him.

Wisely said!

[Mary]

Thanks, Mary....I'll keep it up....he knows that I'm a virgin....but I'm sort of worried that maybe he expects something else, because the girl he was with that cheated....is the class "whore".....and I'm sure he was getting some....

But we've only hugged....not even kissed yet....

Nah, if he's hanging with you already and he has introduced you to his parents, there's little to worry about.

Just watch some porn. Try tonightsgirlfriend (there are a few clips up on nudevista). They have a bit of a girlfriend experience thing going on. The guy will feel like he has a private whore, rather than the class whore that he used to date. Which is what every guy wants.

Just take it at a pace that you're comfortable with.

[Maddy]

Well, it's an act of betrayal, where the victim has to ask the question .... you've guessed it why? It's a failure of sorts, so it hurts the ego, the ego makes it worse than it really is. The conclusions don't have to have anything in common with reality of the particular situation, but the mind makes it so. It takes time to work it all out, so the early stages are confusion, it gets better as time goes by. Patience is the key. They don't call patience the greatest of virtues for nothing. ;)


Ok....well that's very good advice....I can be patient. I was just worried that he just doesn't like me....which I'm still not sure about....but I'm leaning more towards him using caution....Thanks

[Maddy]

Nah, if he's hanging with you already and he has introduced you to his parents, there's little to worry about.

Just watch some porn. Try tonightsgirlfriend (there are a few clips up on nudevista). They have bit of a girlfriend experience thing going on. The guy will feel like he has a private whore, rather than the class whore that he used to date. Which is what every guy wants.

Just take it at a pace that you're comfortable with.

Ok...thanks very much, Mary! You're advice is always good and appreciated :)