I don't want her

[Incel King]

There's one girl that wants me. She poked me on facebook about 15 times in just few days, but I don't want her and I also don't want to break her heart by telling that to her. How can I reject her on most painless way? What would you do in my place?

[Kazimiera]

Without telling her outright there are a few things you can do.

DON'T poke her back. If you do she will take this a sign that you are willing to engage her in communication.

If she texts you, don't answer. If she has brains she'll realise you are not interested. If she texts and phones even more, ignore it. As soon as you phone back or text her, even if it is to tell her to get lost, you are giving her attention and a part of your time.

Don't get nasty or give her any reason to misinterpret you. She might go from liking you to hating you. Either one of the two is a strong emotion. You don't want her to have ANY feelings towards you. You want this thing to shrivel up and die a death on its own, not spur it on into a storm. I don't know how psycho she could get but if you upset her she might go out of her way to make your life hell and you don't want that either.

If you see her, be polite but don't say more than is necessary. If you pay her attention, she'll see it that you are interested.

If you do have to talk to her, talk about superficial things. Like the weather or something boring. Don't tell her about your homework or that you like or dislike something as this opens up a channel of communication between you. If you stand there and say nothing to her, she might get the message after a while. Don't ever talk anything about yourself, like you've been struggling with homework because she might just offer to come over and help you.

If you absolutely have to speak, talk to her about cars, boats, fishing trips (unless she likes fishing). Speak about anything you know she is not interested in. You want her to realise (on her own and without you directly telling her) that you have NOTHING in common. If you know she likes the same band as you, DON'T mention it or talk about it. It opens up a channel for communication. Shut those channels down!

Her crush might not disappear immediately, but after a while she'll realise that you're boring and/or stupid and decide on her own that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to like you after all. That way you get what you want (to be rid of her) AND the added bonus is that she thinks she came to this conclusion herself.

Voila! NO feelings hurt and she will carry on with life, happy in the thought that maybe it was a good thing she didn't hook up with you after all.

Note: Don't expect this to work overnight. You have to constantly reinforce that you are different. Don't get tempted to answer texts or poke back. That will just set you back a step. Communication MUST be kept to a minimum.

If you tell her you don't want to talk to her, she will do a bursting into tears or ask you to explain yourself etc etc. You then find yourself in a sticky situation which you need to find your way out of. Excellent advice for sticky situations: DON'T get into them!

If at some stage she does the tears and needs emotional support from you (another one women use), just tell her that you have stuff to do and cannot stay. Suggest to her to phone her mom or speak to her sister if she has a problem. You want her to know that you are inept at dealing with these situations and not interested either. If I want emotional support from someone who isn't giving it to me, I'll go look for it elsewhere. This is what you want her to do.

I hope I made some sense.

[iNird]

There's one girl that wants me. She poked me on facebook about 15 times in just few days, but I don't want her and I also don't want to break her heart by telling that to her. How can I reject her on most painless way? What would you do in my place?

Send her a private message. You could post it on her wall but that would be cruel.

[mysticism]

Honestly it's more cruel and wrong if you ignore her. Express your feelings to her and end the relationship properly with grace.

[Tabiti]

There's no painless way. Say you have girlfriend.

[Osprey]

There is no way out. You have to accept her. White babies are already in the negative....!!

[rhiannon]

Kaz covered the appropriate course of action rather well. I am in full agreement with her approach!

Kaz is right in that ANY attention you pay to this girl will be seen by her as a signal that you like her back. This is because she is hair-triggered to WANT to see encouraging behaviors from you.

Ignoring her or lying and saying you have a GF already is your best way out.

[mysticism]

Kaz covered the appropriate course of action rather well. I am in full agreement with her approach!

But that's such an underhanded approach, it's so anti-confrontation and disrespectful...

It's basically assuming that you think this person is insanely obsessed with you (this is narcissistic) and isn't mentally stable enough to recognize your rejection (this is condescending).

[rhiannon]

But that's such an underhanded approach, it's so anti-confrontation and disrespectful...

It's basically assuming that you think this person is insanely obsessed with you (this is narcissistic) and isn't mentally stable enough to recognize your rejection (this is condescending).

I disagree.

It is the gentlest approach, and least confrontational, IMO

[Kazimiera]

But that's such an underhanded approach, it's so anti-confrontation and disrespectful...

It's basically assuming that you think this person is insanely obsessed with you (this is narcissistic) and isn't mentally stable enough to recognize your rejection (this is condescending).

Why have a confrontation when it can be done without confrontation? Often, I have learnt in my life, you can achieve what you want without bulldozing over someone else and keeping their own dignity in tact.

Confronting this girl is just going to put her on the spot and make her feel bad. She should not be made to feel bad for liking someone. Her intentions are good, although unwelcome, and she can be dealt with effectively without a fight and without her losing face.

In a confrontation she is just going to feel worse and ashamed. She has nothing to feel ashamed about.

If she was negative and the intentions are bad, then confrontation might not be a bad idea.

Choose your wars wisely.

[Kazimiera]

Also, he might be wrong if he thinks she likes him in THAT way. There is always that chance too. With a confrontation HE will end up looking like an idiot and lose face.

This method protects both him and her and keeps dignities intact.

If she tells him outright about her feelings then he can openly reject.

But if things are unspoken at the moment, then why bring into the light what can be left in the dark?

[mysticism]

Why have a confrontation when it can be done without confrontation? Often, I have learnt in my life, you can achieve what you want without bulldozing over someone else and keeping their own dignity in tact.

Confronting this girl is just going to put her on the spot and make her feel bad. She should not be made to feel bad for liking someone. Her intentions are good, although unwelcome, and she can be dealt with effectively without a fight and without her losing face.

In a confrontation she is just going to feel worse and ashamed. She has nothing to feel ashamed about.

If she was negative and the intentions are bad, then confrontation might not be a bad idea.

Choose your wars wisely.

Yes, but it's not a debate or disagreement here. This is a misunderstanding on her end. Noone normal wants to love someone who doesn't love them.

It is respectful and shows that you value her by sitting her down and explaining to her kindly that you are not interested and if she's normal, she will take it...and you can walk away feeling satisfied that you communicated your truth to her.

[mysticism]

Also, he might be wrong if he thinks she likes him in THAT way. There is always that chance too. With a confrontation HE will end up looking like an idiot and lose face.

This method protects both him and her and keeps dignities intact.

If she tells him outright about her feelings then he can openly reject.

But if things are unspoken at the moment, then why bring into the light what can be left in the dark?

Yeah I agree on this. Is she is subtle and ambiguous about the attraction, then it deserves no explanation or rejection.

[Kazimiera]

Yes, but it's not a debate or disagreement here. This is a misunderstanding on her end. Noone normal wants to love someone who doesn't love them.

Of course not!


It is respectful and shows that you value her by sitting her down and explaining to her kindly that you are not interested and if she's normal, she will take it...and you can walk away feeling that you left anything unsaid or unfinished.

If she approaches him and asks him out, then he must explain to her nicely, like you said.

But if it hasn't reached that point yet where she has mentioned that she likes him and it is only a suspicion on his part, then my approach should be taken. To AVOID it coming to the point where she tells him and he rejects her.

To nip it in the bud before it becomes something bigger.

[mysticism]

Yep total agreement :D

[Kazimiera]

If she has come out with her feelings and he takes the initial approach by ignoring her and avoiding her, then HE is the idiot. He must talk to her honestly and truthfully. And even telling her he has a girlfriend when it is not the case and she finds out, she will be even more hurt. She'll think he didn't have the balls to tell her direct and think he is a coward.

Different situations call for different approaches.

I was basing my first answer on that he said she'd poked him 15 times and not done anything else.

If he said that she had already told him her feelings, then your approach is the best Slavic Blood.

:)

[mysticism]

When he said "(She)wants me" i assumed there was something more solid beyond the 15 facebook pokes. lol (As there should be, to think such a way).

[Caismeachd]

I wish I had that problems these days.

I had a similar problem in high school though. The girl was stalking me (somehow she got my phone number and she was waiting for me at my classes.) I just had to tell her I was in a long distance relationship with another girl.

I think ignoring someone is bad though. You shouldn't ignore people.

[Hurrem sultana]

Why confront her and make her feel bad ,,when they are not in any relationship ??Nothing needs to be "ended".Just ignore her,she will get it.If she talks to you give her short replies with no questions back...never write first and probably she will get it

[ficuscarica]

Dear girls, I have a question. There are two girls that have added me on facebook and keep writting me everyday. Well, one girl stopped after I never wrote on my own initiative.
Do you think girls always want more when they do such stuff, or is it possible that they just want to be friends?

I had a girl who kept calling us good friends. She had a boyfriend. I told her I don´t have a good feeling with it. She reacted angry and asked me whether I think she would be unfaithful to her boyfriend. Before she married him she told me she always had feelings for me! She married him when I said I don´t think there should be anything between us (well, I shared the feelings to some degree, but I knew it was wrong and fought them).
After that experience I really doubt a girl´s "friendship". What do you girls think? If a girl always tries to be around a guy, is there always more behind it?
I also remember I wise man saying: "If a girl wants to be your friend and is still around you, she is doing that because she´s hoping for you to develop feelings for her." True?

[Hurrem sultana]

Dear girls, I have a question. There are two girls that have added me on facebook and keep writting me everyday. Well, one girl stopped after I never wrote on my own initiative.
Do you think girls always want more when they do such stuff, or is it possible that they just want to be friends?

I had a girl who kept calling us good friends. She had a boyfriend. I told her I don´t have a good feeling with it. She reacted angry and asked me whether I think she would be unfaithful to her boyfriend. Before she married him she told me she always had feelings for me! She married him when I said I don´t think there should be anything between us (well, I shared the feelings to some degree, but I knew it was wrong and fought them).
After that experience I really doubt a girl´s "friendship". What do you girls think? If a girl always tries to be around a guy, is there always more behind it?
I also remember I wise man saying: "If a girl wants to be your friend and is still around you, she is doing that because she´s hoping for you to develop feelings for her." True?


No not true,girls can be friends with guys,it is guys that usually cant do that.I onow guys i like to talk to and spend time with but ONLY as friends nothing more

[Sultan Suleiman]

Add me and I will chase away that bitch zeroing in on my man.

[Sultan Suleiman]

No not true,girls can be friends with guys,it is guys that usually cant do that.I onow guys i like to talk to and spend time with but ONLY as friends nothing more

No they can't be friends... :rolleyes:

[ficuscarica]

No not true,girls can be friends with guys,it is guys that usually cant do that.I onow guys i like to talk to and spend time with but ONLY as friends nothing more

How can I discern then? Any ideas? I mean when it is not obvious... what are hidden signs which tell me I should show her that there is no chance?

I for my part don´t want to be a close friend with a girl, because I fear that she would fall in love with me.
Those who I do want to fall in love with me, on the other hand, will know it.

[Corvus]

I have never been in such a situation but I would call this a luxury problem

[Sultan Suleiman]

Those who I do want to fall in love with me, on the other hand, will know it.

:eyes

[Hurrem sultana]

How can I discern then? Any ideas? I mean when it is not obvious... what are hidden signs which tell me I should show her that there is no chance?

I for my part don´t want to be a close friend with a girl, because I fear that she would fall in love with me.
Those who I do want to fall in love with me, on the other hand, will know it.

Be very clear,talk to her in a "buddy to buddy" way,about other girls etc

[ficuscarica]

:eyes

no interreligious plz

[Sultan Suleiman]

no interreligious plz

I mean you can change for me?

[Hurrem sultana]

seduce a jewess in jerusalem,i heard they are sexy :D

[Sultan Suleiman]

Be very clear,talk to her in a "buddy to buddy" way,about other girls etc

Yeah "buddy" ;)

[Hurrem sultana]

Yeah "buddy" ;)

:confused:

[ficuscarica]

Be very clear,talk to her in a "buddy to buddy" way,about other girls etc

Ok, thanks.

Btw: One girl who keeps trying on facebook tried to find out more by asking me "are the girls there, hot", etc. I think I should have used the buddy to buddy answer. Gladly I have this wisdom now. :thumb001:

[Sultan Suleiman]

seduce a jewess in jerusalem,i heard they are sexy :D

Them Seamite bihes like them German sausages.

[Sultan Suleiman]

:confused:

I see how you undress me with your eyes... :mad:

[ficuscarica]

seduce a jewess in jerusalem,i heard they are sexy :D

Israeli girls are hot, but - as you know - I am a cultural and ethnic preservationist. :thumb001:

[Hurrem sultana]

Israeli girls are hot, but - as you know - I am a cultural and ethnic preservationist. :thumb001:

use them only for sex:thumb001::D

[Sultan Suleiman]

Israeli girls are hot, but - as you know - I am a cultural and ethnic preservationist. :thumb001:

I give you two weeks tops before you go dipping in Chosen Ones :D

[Sultan Suleiman]

use them only for sex:thumb001::D

Subhanallah...

[ficuscarica]

use them only for sex:thumb001::D

Having sex before marriage just for fun would almost equal rejecting my faith. :thumb001:

[Sultan Suleiman]

Having sex before marriage just for fun would almost equal rejecting my faith. :thumb001:

My ass it is :D

[ficuscarica]

I give you two weeks tops before you go dipping in Chosen Ones :D

Just the fact that you mention that encourages me even more to stay faithful to da roots. :cool:

[Sultan Suleiman]

Just the fact that you mention that encourages me even more to stay faithful to da roots. :cool:

As I said above, two weeks.

[Ushtari]

Is she hot?

[ficuscarica]

As I said above, two weeks.

Nah, I want our Sephardic Sunni Jewess. :D:thumb001:

[Sultan Suleiman]

Nah, I want our Sephardic Sunni Jewess. :D:thumb001:

Pay up (http://www.theapricity.com/forum/showpost.php?p=814269&postcount=84) and she's yours :)

[Osprey]

Ficus, don't be such a pussy around girls. Talk to them like you talk to your greco roman wrestling buddies.
They don't deserve special attention. At least most do not. The ones who deserve will be very submissive and compliant. Usually in a very christian attire..

[Incel King]

Is she hot?

In which sense?

[Blackout]

There's one girl that wants me. She poked me on facebook about 15 times in just few days, but I don't want her and I also don't want to break her heart by telling that to her. How can I reject her on most painless way? What would you do in my place?

Don't brake her heart man. Just tell her you have aids! That will most likely stop her in her tracks. And what's more, she won't be hurt!

[Ushtari]

In which sense?
Is she good looking?

[Corvus]

Don't brake her heart man. Just tell her you have aids! That will most likely stop her in her tracks. And what's more, she won't be hurt!

Tell her you are gay, that`s even more effective

[Mraz]

Tell her you are gay, that`s even more effective

Then he'd be in serious troubles :D

[Kazimiera]

Back on topic please! We are trying to help Jack Atlas solve his problems!

[Incel King]

Is she good looking?

This is very complex question, but I can tell just that she's not my type.

[arcticwolf]

Here is a totally painless way, it works like a charm even if it is not true. Tell her you are committed to spiritual quest, and you are celibate. I never met anyone who felt rejected by this explanation, in my case it was true, in your case you may have to bend the truth a bit. ;)

[Flintlocke]

You can't know if she's your type or not if you haven't done her. Some really sexy babes are totally useless in bed while other more average types can surprise you pleasantly ;)

[Incel King]

You can't know if she's your type or not if you haven't done her. Some really sexy babes are totally useless in bed while other more average types can surprise you pleasantly ;)

It's not about sex, I don't look at people through such prism. I'm not attracted to her psychically and besides I don't feel like she's my soul mate.

[Mortimer]

why that doesnt happen to me never:picard1:

[ficuscarica]

why that doesnt happen to me never:picard1:

Do you really want an answer? :D;)

[Arthas]

There's one girl that wants me. She poked me on facebook about 15 times in just few days, but I don't want her and I also don't want to break her heart by telling that to her. How can I reject her on most painless way? What would you do in my place?

What the fuck man, aren't you one of the people here (besides me) who complains about being forever alone? Here's your chance to break free!!!

She must be pretty ugly for you to not want her, post some pictures of her!

[Arthas]

If anything, just use her for sex. That's what I'd do.

[Kazimiera]

If anything, just use her for sex. That's what I'd do.

This is the worst advice I've heard in a long time. :mad:

The day you do that to someone, I hope she chops your balls off.

[Incel King]

What the fuck man, aren't you one of the people here (besides me) who complains about being forever alone? Here's your chance to break free!!!

She must be pretty ugly for you to not want her, post some pictures of her!

She's not ugly, but simply not my type. By the way, I don't complain about being forever alone, you just maybe misunderstood things. I actually said that I'm 18 and never had girlfriend, never kissed girl and never had sex, but it doesn't bother me at all.


If anything, just use her for sex. That's what I'd do.

I can't just use her. If I would do that, then I'll disrespect her and hurt her dignity. Imagine yourself in situation that someone that you love, actually just using you.

[Kazimiera]

I can't just use her. If I would do that, then I'll disrespect her and hurt her dignity. Imagine yourself in situation that someone that you love, actually just using you.

Amen. At least someone here has some respect for other people.

[Virtuous]

_______

[Arthas]

She's not ugly, but simply not my type. By the way, I don't complain about being forever alone, you just maybe misunderstood things. I actually said that I'm 18 and never had girlfriend, never kissed girl and never had sex, but it doesn't bother me at all.



I can't just use her. If I would do that, then I'll disrespect her and hurt her dignity. Imagine yourself in situation that someone that you love, actually just using you.

Can you post a picture of her?

Don't care about her feelings. She should be happy that I'm even having sex with her.

[Aura]

break her heart, she is going to be a stronger girl in the future.

[Kazimiera]

Can you post a picture of her?

Don't care about her feelings. She should be happy that I'm even having sex with her.

You're an asshole. I'm not surprised you're not getting laid.


break her heart, she is going to be a stronger girl in the future.

No. She will be more mistrustful. Just because nasty things happen to us and we survive that doesn't mean other people need to go through them too because we did.

[Aura]

You're an asshole. I'm not surprised you're not getting laid.



No. She will be more mistrustful. Just because nasty things happen to us and we survive that doesn't mean other people need to go through them too because we did.

Are u referring to me?! lol

[Kazimiera]

Are u referring to me?! lol

The first was my reply to Arthas.

The second was my reply to you.

[Aura]

The first was my reply to Arthas.

The second was my reply to you.


No. She will be more mistrustful. Just because nasty things happen to us and we survive that doesn't mean other people need to go through them too because we did.
sounds like nasty things happen to me so I want other people to go through, thats what I asked for :)

so sick!

[Marmie Dearest]

Ignoring people is cruel indirect and passive-aggressive.

Just inform her gently, politely, and privately (through a pm) that you are not interested in dating, that you're sure she's a wonderful person whom another man would love to meet, and you're sorry, but she's just not for you.

Make it clear that you are definitely not interested without making her feel as if no one would want her.

[Marmie Dearest]

If anything, just use her for sex. That's what I'd do.

This is a disgusting, immature and inappropriate response to someone asking advice on how to let someone down easy.

Using people for sex is a form of leading someone on, to put it mildly.

[Rouxinol]

Tell her you're gay. Sorted out.

[Arthas]

Using people for sex is a form of leading someone on, to put it mildly.

It's also a great way of finding out if she's a slut or not. If she puts out, then it's a win-win because he gets laid and dodges a bullet at the same time.

[Incel King]

I told her that I love another person, but she's don't give up. Tonight she wanted to chat with me. :(

[Absinthe]

I told her that I love another person, but she's don't give up. Tonight she wanted to chat with me. :(
Then just block her and cut all contact with her. There really is no other way.

[Lena]

I told her that I love another person, but she's don't give up. Tonight she wanted to chat with me. :(

Little wonder, init? Forget about lies, be fair, be honest...at least you'd be able to look your self in the mirror. Tell her as it is.

[Kazimiera]

Be honest. You don't need to be ugly about it. Just be truthful.

[Arthas]

I told her that I love another person, but she's don't give up. Tonight she wanted to chat with me. :(

Just tell her you're not interested in being more than friends, simple

[Blackout]

I told her that I love another person, but she's don't give up. Tonight she wanted to chat with me. :(

Tell her you converted to Islam.

[King Claus]

Tell her you converted to Islam.

Solid tactic

[Svipdag]

Honestly it's more cruel and wrong if you ignore her. Express your feelings to her and end the relationship properly with grace.

That puts you on the defensive and it will NEVER end.

[Blackout]

Solid tactic

What happens, if she also converts? :rofl_002:

[King Claus]

What happens, if she also converts? :rofl_002:

Then http://i47.tinypic.com/9zox06.jpg !

[archangel]

it depends on girl actually first you should anticipate what kind of reaction she would probably show.You can write on private to her.i think this would be best

[Anusiya]

Is she rich?

[Incel King]

Is she rich?

No

[Dombra]

How did the event progress til´now?

[Lobotomist]

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/32289945.jpg

[Incel King]

How did the event progress til´now?

I blocked her and now she found a boyfriend.

[Loki]

Without telling her outright there are a few things you can do.

DON'T poke her back. If you do she will take this a sign that you are willing to engage her in communication.

If she texts you, don't answer. If she has brains she'll realise you are not interested. If she texts and phones even more, ignore it. As soon as you phone back or text her, even if it is to tell her to get lost, you are giving her attention and a part of your time.

Don't get nasty or give her any reason to misinterpret you. She might go from liking you to hating you. Either one of the two is a strong emotion. You don't want her to have ANY feelings towards you. You want this thing to shrivel up and die a death on its own, not spur it on into a storm. I don't know how psycho she could get but if you upset her she might go out of her way to make your life hell and you don't want that either.

If you see her, be polite but don't say more than is necessary. If you pay her attention, she'll see it that you are interested.

If you do have to talk to her, talk about superficial things. Like the weather or something boring. Don't tell her about your homework or that you like or dislike something as this opens up a channel of communication between you. If you stand there and say nothing to her, she might get the message after a while. Don't ever talk anything about yourself, like you've been struggling with homework because she might just offer to come over and help you.

If you absolutely have to speak, talk to her about cars, boats, fishing trips (unless she likes fishing). Speak about anything you know she is not interested in. You want her to realise (on her own and without you directly telling her) that you have NOTHING in common. If you know she likes the same band as you, DON'T mention it or talk about it. It opens up a channel for communication. Shut those channels down!

Her crush might not disappear immediately, but after a while she'll realise that you're boring and/or stupid and decide on her own that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to like you after all. That way you get what you want (to be rid of her) AND the added bonus is that she thinks she came to this conclusion herself.

Voila! NO feelings hurt and she will carry on with life, happy in the thought that maybe it was a good thing she didn't hook up with you after all.

Note: Don't expect this to work overnight. You have to constantly reinforce that you are different. Don't get tempted to answer texts or poke back. That will just set you back a step. Communication MUST be kept to a minimum.

If you tell her you don't want to talk to her, she will do a bursting into tears or ask you to explain yourself etc etc. You then find yourself in a sticky situation which you need to find your way out of. Excellent advice for sticky situations: DON'T get into them!

If at some stage she does the tears and needs emotional support from you (another one women use), just tell her that you have stuff to do and cannot stay. Suggest to her to phone her mom or speak to her sister if she has a problem. You want her to know that you are inept at dealing with these situations and not interested either. If I want emotional support from someone who isn't giving it to me, I'll go look for it elsewhere. This is what you want her to do.

I hope I made some sense.

Female strategies and games, from the horse's mouth :rotfl:

[Virtuous]

You're doomed, the altar is waiting for you.

[Corvus]

Female strategies and games, from the horse's mouth :rotfl:

Exactly, that sound familiar to me, but the other way round LOL

[Loki]

Exactly, that sound familiar to me, but the other way round LOL

Indeed! Now you know how a woman's brain functions - all the plans she devise ... tell-tale signs, as we can all see. Thanks Kazi! :P