Liffrea
09-04-2009, 04:55 PM
This man is legend.:D:
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
My wife said: 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said: 'Why?' and she said: 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already'.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
How can we expect a politician to believe in the wisdom of the people when he knows it was the people who voted him in?
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
My wife said: 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said: 'Why?' and she said: 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already'.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
How can we expect a politician to believe in the wisdom of the people when he knows it was the people who voted him in?
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."