Kazimiera
05-05-2013, 10:07 PM
The Republic of Molvanîa
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/Molvania_Map.png
http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q526/katzentatzen79/Random%20crap/Untitled_zps2820e782.png
Flag
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b3/Molvania.svg/800px-Molvania.svg.png
Capital Lutenblag (Lutnblaag)
Language(s) Molvanian
Government Dictatorship
Prime Minister in Council unnamed
Currency Strubl (100 Qunts)
TRAVEL GUIDE
http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/3357-1/%7B207F0858-FEE2-441B-8D15-0B6D161DD860%7DImg100.jpg
HISTORY
Although Slavic tribes probably occupied what is now Molvania in the 5th century, the first recorded reference to the country came in AD721 when the Prince of Molvanskia, Nikod I, declared himself lord of an empire taking in not only his own country, but Prussia, Germany and much of Scandinavia. It was an ambitious claim from a ruler who had just turned 12 years old and his expansionist reign lasted barely a few weeks.
The Middle Ages saw Molvania invaded by numerous armies, including the Goths, Tatars, Turks, Huns, Balts, Lombards and even a surprisingly militant band of Spanish nuns, before Molvania’s first king and patron saint Fyodor I, set about unifying his country by killing off as many of its citizens as he could. Those not murdered or imprisoned were forced into teaching.
The empire converted to Christianity with the arrival of the missionary St Parthag in AD863 but reverted to paganism as soon as he left the following year. During the Dark Ages Molvania enjoyed a short period as a Muslim country, but the Koran’s strict teachings against drinking, violence and extra-marital sex never caught on with the local population.
Molvania experienced a brief flowering of Renaissance culture, with some historians putting the actual period down to about three weeks towards the end of 1503. But there is certainly evidence of a renewed interest in art and culture beyond this time and during the 1520s one of Europe’s most enlightened universities was built in the country’s north at Motensparg, which offered courses in ancient Greek and Latin as well as wrestling scholarships.
In 1541 a peasant army attempted to turn on the landowners but the uprising was suppressed and the leader Gyidor Dvokic burned alive on a red-hot iron spike, giving rise to the modern Molvanian witticism ‘eich zdern clakka yastenhach!’ (literally ‘my rectum feels as if a great heat is being applied’). During this time the country consisted of numerous semi-independent principalities and city-states preoccupied with internal quarrels. In 1570 an attempt was made to bring these separate regions together but no-one could agree on a place to hold the meeting and the country was eventually plunged into the Twenty Years War, a conflict that actually ran for only six months.
The 17th century saw Molvania divided into various fiefdoms, each under the control of a despotic ruler who would ruthlessly crush the slightest sign of unrest; this was considered one of the country’s most enlightened periods.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/bgimagepg1.jpg
A baptismal font featuring one of Molvania’s earliest martyrs, St Stripa (born AD 829 – excommunicated AD 863)
SPORTS
Like so many Western European nations, Molvania is football mad. Sadly, their national team has had little in the way of international success, especially since the introduction of random drug-testing. Molvania’s highest-profile player would without doubt be Viordar Czervkle (or ‘Cze’ as he is affectionately known) and everywhere you will see his name on T-shirts and posters. To the dismay of most local fans Cze no longer plays at a professional level due to a serious injury; he was banned for head-butting a Croatian referee during an international friendly in 1996.
Lutenblag Stadium (the Lutenstaad) was built in 1985 in anticipation of Molvania being successful with its plans to host the 1994 World Cup. Sadly their bid failed and much of the ground has since fallen into disrepair. Designed to hold 80,000 spectators it is now used largely for rock concerts and public hangings.
LANGUAGE
Molvanian is a difficult language to speak, let alone master. There are four genders: male, female, neutral, and the collective noun for cheeses, which occupies a nominative sub-section of its very own. The language also contains numerous irregular verbs, archaic phrases, words of multiple meaning and several phonetic sounds linguists suspect could represent either a rare dialect or merely peasants clearing their throat. This, coupled with a record number of silent letters, makes fluency a major challenge. You can, as some visitors have experimented with, simply try adding the letter ‘j’ or ‘z’ randomly to any word – but this will only get you so far.
Perhaps a better option is to memorise a few of our ‘Useful Phrases’ contained opposite. Remember, too, that the syntactical structure of written Molvanian can be rather complex, with writers routinely using the triple negative. Hence,
'Can I drink the water? '
becomes 'Erkjo ne szlepp statsik ne var ne vladrobzko ne '
(literally, ‘is it not that the water is not not undrinkable?’)
Fortunately, conversational Molvanian for the native speaker is a little less formal, and a native speaker wanting to know
'Can I drink the water? '
would only have to say ‘Virkum stas?’
(while clutching their stomach in a gesture of gastric distress.)
http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q526/katzentatzen79/Random%20crap/molvania_zps9cd23585.jpg
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
WHERE IS MOLVANIA?
It's a small, land-locked republic in eastern Europe, famous as the birthplace of whooping cough. Molvania also produces 83% of the world's beetroot.
HOW DO I GET THERE?
Most people get to Molvania either by air and by accident.
WHAT SHOULD I TAKE?
A good pair of boots, insect repellent and a set of emergency flares. It's also a good idea to bring a little extra cash to cover unexpected expenses such as ransom demands.
PHOTO GALLERY
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-29lay.jpg
Despite being a land-locked country, Molvanians love their seafood. Here a fisherman from Lake Vjaza checks his catch for mercury levels.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-056.jpg
Nightlife - Lutenblag style!
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-57lay.jpg
Madame Tussaud's has recently opened a museum in Lutenblag, featuring the world's largest collection of bearded men.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-064.jpg
The Great Plains, recently granted UNESCO World Heritage status as a "site of significant monotony".
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/lopsidedsaint.jpg
Svetranj locals gather each year on the 6th of June to celebrate the Feast of the Lopsided Saints.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-078.jpg
The Vajana Ritzzz Hotjl - what it lacks in old world charm it more than makes up for in concrete.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-85lay.jpg
When dining in certain parts of southern Molvania it is considered rude to ask for cutlery.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-90lay.jpg
Eastern Molvanian men play Rubrav, a popular card game similar to 'strip poker' except that, instead of removing clothes, losing bidders must don table napkins.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-097.jpg
Party Time! A local Barjovian celebrates National Fertility Day, marking the date Viagra was introduced into Molvania as an over-the-counter drug.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-139lay.jpg
A worker at the Sjerezo nuclear power plant proudly demonstrates the central reactor core, safely protected by her lead-lined shawl.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-138lay.jpg
The Palace guards of Sjerezo were said to be the personal favourite of King Svardo III under whom they were officially known as the 'Royal Molvanian She-Boys'.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-138Alay.jpg
Sjerezo's town square is no longer used for military parades. It does, however, continue to attract lunatics
MOLVANIA DISQUALIFIED FROM EUROVISION!
The tiny Eastern European republic of Molvania was disqualified from the Eurovision Song Contest this year.
Zladko “Zlad” Vladcik was to perform his very popular techno-ballad, “Elektronik – Supersonik” - described as “a melodic fusion combining hot disco rhythms with cold war rhetoric”.
However, the 23-year-old singer was arrested at Istanbul’s Ataturk International Airport and immediately deported. While Eurovision does not normally test for recreational drugs, unfortunately for Vladcik, Turkish Customs do.
On his return, “Zlad” apologised to everyone in Molvania for letting them down, especially his family, his friends and his dealer.
“ZLAD” – A SHORT HISTORY
Zladko “Zlad” Vladcik rose to prominence in 2002 when he won Molvanian Idol in controversial circumstances - the other finalist, Ob Kuklop, pulled out due to a serious throat condition after one of the judges tried to strangle him.
“Zlad” immediately released the megahit, “Juust Az I Amm” – hailed by Rolling Stone as the most incorrectly spelt song of all time.
After barely 2 days on the Molvanian “Rhythm & Polka” charts, the track went platinum – remarkable considering it was only available on cassingle.
Then, in an exciting move, “Zlad” formed supergroup Wow! But while on their very first tour, he decided to go solo again, citing the fact that the rest of the band was “moving in a different direction” (Romania)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2KZjUYC9GQ
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molvan%C3%AEa
Molvanîa (subtitled A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry) is a book parodying travel guidebooks. The guide describes the fictional country Molvanîa, in Eastern Europe, a nation described as "the birthplace of the whooping cough" and "owner of Europe's oldest nuclear reactor". It was created by Australians Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch (of The D-Generation and The Panel fame).
http://fairfieldbooksonstation.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/molvanian-baby-names.jpeg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/Molvania_Map.png
http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q526/katzentatzen79/Random%20crap/Untitled_zps2820e782.png
Flag
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b3/Molvania.svg/800px-Molvania.svg.png
Capital Lutenblag (Lutnblaag)
Language(s) Molvanian
Government Dictatorship
Prime Minister in Council unnamed
Currency Strubl (100 Qunts)
TRAVEL GUIDE
http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/3357-1/%7B207F0858-FEE2-441B-8D15-0B6D161DD860%7DImg100.jpg
HISTORY
Although Slavic tribes probably occupied what is now Molvania in the 5th century, the first recorded reference to the country came in AD721 when the Prince of Molvanskia, Nikod I, declared himself lord of an empire taking in not only his own country, but Prussia, Germany and much of Scandinavia. It was an ambitious claim from a ruler who had just turned 12 years old and his expansionist reign lasted barely a few weeks.
The Middle Ages saw Molvania invaded by numerous armies, including the Goths, Tatars, Turks, Huns, Balts, Lombards and even a surprisingly militant band of Spanish nuns, before Molvania’s first king and patron saint Fyodor I, set about unifying his country by killing off as many of its citizens as he could. Those not murdered or imprisoned were forced into teaching.
The empire converted to Christianity with the arrival of the missionary St Parthag in AD863 but reverted to paganism as soon as he left the following year. During the Dark Ages Molvania enjoyed a short period as a Muslim country, but the Koran’s strict teachings against drinking, violence and extra-marital sex never caught on with the local population.
Molvania experienced a brief flowering of Renaissance culture, with some historians putting the actual period down to about three weeks towards the end of 1503. But there is certainly evidence of a renewed interest in art and culture beyond this time and during the 1520s one of Europe’s most enlightened universities was built in the country’s north at Motensparg, which offered courses in ancient Greek and Latin as well as wrestling scholarships.
In 1541 a peasant army attempted to turn on the landowners but the uprising was suppressed and the leader Gyidor Dvokic burned alive on a red-hot iron spike, giving rise to the modern Molvanian witticism ‘eich zdern clakka yastenhach!’ (literally ‘my rectum feels as if a great heat is being applied’). During this time the country consisted of numerous semi-independent principalities and city-states preoccupied with internal quarrels. In 1570 an attempt was made to bring these separate regions together but no-one could agree on a place to hold the meeting and the country was eventually plunged into the Twenty Years War, a conflict that actually ran for only six months.
The 17th century saw Molvania divided into various fiefdoms, each under the control of a despotic ruler who would ruthlessly crush the slightest sign of unrest; this was considered one of the country’s most enlightened periods.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/bgimagepg1.jpg
A baptismal font featuring one of Molvania’s earliest martyrs, St Stripa (born AD 829 – excommunicated AD 863)
SPORTS
Like so many Western European nations, Molvania is football mad. Sadly, their national team has had little in the way of international success, especially since the introduction of random drug-testing. Molvania’s highest-profile player would without doubt be Viordar Czervkle (or ‘Cze’ as he is affectionately known) and everywhere you will see his name on T-shirts and posters. To the dismay of most local fans Cze no longer plays at a professional level due to a serious injury; he was banned for head-butting a Croatian referee during an international friendly in 1996.
Lutenblag Stadium (the Lutenstaad) was built in 1985 in anticipation of Molvania being successful with its plans to host the 1994 World Cup. Sadly their bid failed and much of the ground has since fallen into disrepair. Designed to hold 80,000 spectators it is now used largely for rock concerts and public hangings.
LANGUAGE
Molvanian is a difficult language to speak, let alone master. There are four genders: male, female, neutral, and the collective noun for cheeses, which occupies a nominative sub-section of its very own. The language also contains numerous irregular verbs, archaic phrases, words of multiple meaning and several phonetic sounds linguists suspect could represent either a rare dialect or merely peasants clearing their throat. This, coupled with a record number of silent letters, makes fluency a major challenge. You can, as some visitors have experimented with, simply try adding the letter ‘j’ or ‘z’ randomly to any word – but this will only get you so far.
Perhaps a better option is to memorise a few of our ‘Useful Phrases’ contained opposite. Remember, too, that the syntactical structure of written Molvanian can be rather complex, with writers routinely using the triple negative. Hence,
'Can I drink the water? '
becomes 'Erkjo ne szlepp statsik ne var ne vladrobzko ne '
(literally, ‘is it not that the water is not not undrinkable?’)
Fortunately, conversational Molvanian for the native speaker is a little less formal, and a native speaker wanting to know
'Can I drink the water? '
would only have to say ‘Virkum stas?’
(while clutching their stomach in a gesture of gastric distress.)
http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q526/katzentatzen79/Random%20crap/molvania_zps9cd23585.jpg
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
WHERE IS MOLVANIA?
It's a small, land-locked republic in eastern Europe, famous as the birthplace of whooping cough. Molvania also produces 83% of the world's beetroot.
HOW DO I GET THERE?
Most people get to Molvania either by air and by accident.
WHAT SHOULD I TAKE?
A good pair of boots, insect repellent and a set of emergency flares. It's also a good idea to bring a little extra cash to cover unexpected expenses such as ransom demands.
PHOTO GALLERY
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-29lay.jpg
Despite being a land-locked country, Molvanians love their seafood. Here a fisherman from Lake Vjaza checks his catch for mercury levels.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-056.jpg
Nightlife - Lutenblag style!
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-57lay.jpg
Madame Tussaud's has recently opened a museum in Lutenblag, featuring the world's largest collection of bearded men.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-064.jpg
The Great Plains, recently granted UNESCO World Heritage status as a "site of significant monotony".
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/lopsidedsaint.jpg
Svetranj locals gather each year on the 6th of June to celebrate the Feast of the Lopsided Saints.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-078.jpg
The Vajana Ritzzz Hotjl - what it lacks in old world charm it more than makes up for in concrete.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-85lay.jpg
When dining in certain parts of southern Molvania it is considered rude to ask for cutlery.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-90lay.jpg
Eastern Molvanian men play Rubrav, a popular card game similar to 'strip poker' except that, instead of removing clothes, losing bidders must don table napkins.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-097.jpg
Party Time! A local Barjovian celebrates National Fertility Day, marking the date Viagra was introduced into Molvania as an over-the-counter drug.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-139lay.jpg
A worker at the Sjerezo nuclear power plant proudly demonstrates the central reactor core, safely protected by her lead-lined shawl.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-138lay.jpg
The Palace guards of Sjerezo were said to be the personal favourite of King Svardo III under whom they were officially known as the 'Royal Molvanian She-Boys'.
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/images/P-138Alay.jpg
Sjerezo's town square is no longer used for military parades. It does, however, continue to attract lunatics
MOLVANIA DISQUALIFIED FROM EUROVISION!
The tiny Eastern European republic of Molvania was disqualified from the Eurovision Song Contest this year.
Zladko “Zlad” Vladcik was to perform his very popular techno-ballad, “Elektronik – Supersonik” - described as “a melodic fusion combining hot disco rhythms with cold war rhetoric”.
However, the 23-year-old singer was arrested at Istanbul’s Ataturk International Airport and immediately deported. While Eurovision does not normally test for recreational drugs, unfortunately for Vladcik, Turkish Customs do.
On his return, “Zlad” apologised to everyone in Molvania for letting them down, especially his family, his friends and his dealer.
“ZLAD” – A SHORT HISTORY
Zladko “Zlad” Vladcik rose to prominence in 2002 when he won Molvanian Idol in controversial circumstances - the other finalist, Ob Kuklop, pulled out due to a serious throat condition after one of the judges tried to strangle him.
“Zlad” immediately released the megahit, “Juust Az I Amm” – hailed by Rolling Stone as the most incorrectly spelt song of all time.
After barely 2 days on the Molvanian “Rhythm & Polka” charts, the track went platinum – remarkable considering it was only available on cassingle.
Then, in an exciting move, “Zlad” formed supergroup Wow! But while on their very first tour, he decided to go solo again, citing the fact that the rest of the band was “moving in a different direction” (Romania)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2KZjUYC9GQ
http://www.molvania.com/molvania/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molvan%C3%AEa
Molvanîa (subtitled A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry) is a book parodying travel guidebooks. The guide describes the fictional country Molvanîa, in Eastern Europe, a nation described as "the birthplace of the whooping cough" and "owner of Europe's oldest nuclear reactor". It was created by Australians Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch (of The D-Generation and The Panel fame).
http://fairfieldbooksonstation.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/molvanian-baby-names.jpeg