Taxonomy Cat's Corner

You Ain't a Cherokee Princess/Genghis Khan/King of the Celts/Cleopatra, Dawg

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Genealogy is an elaborate fiction.

Statistically, you and some random nigga on the street are more related than any of them historic niggas from the 2nd BCE, 9th CE, 12th, 15th, 16th century y'all think are related to.

You, me, your pet, everyone is a jumble of DNA; autistic gene LEGO blocks randomly smashed together as if by a neurotypical baby in a fit then thrown in a jambalaya pot and overcooked by burned-out moms (or pops, xoms, zhops, zhey-xims, and all the rest of tha Disney Snow White's Seven Dwarfs posse) following a sketchy blog recipe:
  • A portion of Italian maternal grandfather's big black balls sprinkled with bits of Swedish village idiot of a paternal grandmother's father,
  • Add pieces of WASP slavemasters
  • (And SSA too because WASP nigga couldn't keep it in his pants)
  • Plus them illegitimate Boris the Town Rapist's genes yo fam always thought was 100% German

All making you, nigga. That's all them genes you finna get and a "yikes!" from me, dawg.

Fg. 1: Hypothetical example of how them genes get distributed.
5th generation (shared DNA) 0.1% 10.6%** 3.1% 12%* 6.8% 8.5% 8.2% 0.7% 9.6% 1.1% 8.7% 3.1% 13.3%*** 3.7% 2.6% 7.9%
(Boris the Town Rapist was here*)
(Svan the Swede was here**)
(SSA slave was here***)


"Erm, but what about MY particular special unique chromosomie? My ancestry.gov result says they can trace that thingy back 2,000 years and that I happen to have the same mtDNA chronomosome as the Queen of Swedeland!"
You ain't getting it, ho.

Genetically, a nigga in any given generation can trace them DNA goulash pieces to the 7th or so generation only and then yo genealogical ancestors show no mo even if y'all share the same chromosome, nawmsayin?

The chromosomes theyself only werk as a 'vehicle' for them Swedish village idiot and poor unfortunate bastard pieces that keep getting replaced with other pieces every generation (unless you a hillbilly nigga), namsayin?

Lil Pump flexed about "hoppin' out the [Rolls-Royce Wraith]" so picture that the Wraith is yo chromosome, autosome and allosome, making up 46 Wraiths in yo car garage (goddamn!). 46 Wraiths manufactured at least 10,000 years ago before being modded out of an even older Rolls-Royce model made in Siberia or whatever—but shit, now we be stretching the metaphor too far—and Lil Pump Swedish village idiot pieces (no diss track homie, juss teachin them uneducated anthro fools a genetics lesson) that cum and go, enter and leave the automobile throughout the history (unless you a hillbilly nigga).

The point is, you is truly related to the Wraith "passengers" chillin out there round the year 1850 to tha present only (if you a 2010s nigga) and, no, you ain't got Cleopatra's "passion for gold accessories" gene and Genghis Khan's "attention to detail" gene because they niggas done been gone from tha Wraith by the time you was born, you ho.

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