I will leave it to the experts to decide exactly what and how bad my problems are, but actually, life and everything is very interesting to me, I just have terrible trouble concentrating on, and prioritising, normal everyday tasks.
It is very sad, really. I received this diagnosis when I was eleven and on the strength of an IQ test, (this will make me sound like melonhead, but never mind...) I was elevated two years to take the school exams that I would have taken at sixteen at fourteen instead. In fact, I took a few of those exams when I was thirteen. I achieved average grades. Then, it took
five years of retakes to finish the exams that one takes for entrance to university. At university, I could neither concentrate nor focus on my work to any reasonable level, and I failed just about everything except linguistics.
Another experience: I had work experience for a local newspaper. Turning press releases into articles was very simple hack-work, and I could do it within minutes, but the noise of the open-plan office necessitated that I shouted what I was writing above the din, in order to "hear myself think". Along with that, the stress brought on by the human cacophony led me to twist and squirm in my seat, and stretch and flail about like an octopus. This is typical of persons with an ADHD diagnosis, and I was asked to leave the office for being too noisy.
My feeling on being medicated for this condition has been: I happen to be different, why should I have to take medication just to fit in with everyone else? I do not want to take psychiatric drugs for life, they are all poisons. But what has happened?
Now, at thirty-five, having not worked for over ten years, and having numerous wasted talents in music, writing, art and etc., and not being able to manage my own affairs, despite being pensioned off like TheBrownBear/Gigolo, I am rather feeling that I might try anything to be able to do so. At least, I would like to have the concentration to manage my home life, but, hopefully, I might like to do more. The grey cells still work, I just cannot concentrate well enough to be competitive.
Most medicines are poisonous, but I have tried everything that I know to try already, and latterly, my solution was this: stay out of company, shut the shutters, shun work, shun company, and lastly, when the
ennui strikes, use recreational drugs to cope with the feelings of guilt, shame and wasted years. I do not want to live like that anymore.
My heroin habit was £80 daily prior to my last self-detox, and do not misunderstand me; I was quite satiated.
Lying in bed without a care in the world for months on end is a perfectly pleasant way to spend time, but I have adult responsibilities, just like everyone else, and all of that had to be paid for. I would see it as a particularly terrible waste of money and time, if all that could have been circumvented by a simple prescription for a pre-existing diagnosis. Also, heroin was a great way to keep people out of my life. Untreated ADHD has been shown to raise the risk of substance abuse disorders. That ADHD can be treated with potential drugs of abuse is irrelevant. In the US, even methamphetamine is employed to treat this condition; brand name "Desoxyn". What matters is that these medicines have a seventy per-cent success rate, so I am trying to determine which medicine will have the best results with the fewest side-effects.
The world is not going to change itself for me, and I am not in a position to hire a team of twenty people to help me organise myself so...
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