What is the cause of Same Sex Attraction?
There is no one cause. No single genetic, hormonal, social, or environmental factor is predominant. There are similar themes, e.g. childhood gender non-conformity, difficulties in developing a sense of gender identity (for a range of reasons), sexual abuse, peer and family dynamics, sexual history, but the mix varies with individuals, and individual personal responses to life-events are the single overriding factor. Two children from the same family and social environment can interpret the same incidents very differently. So random reaction, if it structures itself into self-image, can become a significant contributor to homosexuality — as twin studies show. Often, from early on, there is a felt inability to find acceptance in same-sex groups, often a defensive withdrawal from those groups in conflict with a desire to belong that can begin to intensify around some admired same-sex figure. After puberty that intense emotional focus can get confused with sexual feelings and activity, a response that, if the pattern continues for some years, can lead to self-identification as homosexual or lesbian and sometimes intentional adoption of a gay life-style. But each person is a unique combination of contributing factors and has a unique path out.
The homosexual orientation can and does change. The scientific literature is full of evicence of fluid sexuality. Where responses are deeply entrenched the process is longer. People who have not taken on the behaviour and lifestyle very deeply change more easily.
Is it all worth it? Those who take the process on will usually say it is, if they have had helpful input and support. In a therapeutic environment the sexual orientation of about two thirds of clients changes anywhere from slightly to profoundly. Others change greatly without any therapeutic input at all. Life itself brings along the ingredients for resolution of underlying issues. Half of all homossexual and bisexual people in the West become exclusively heterosexual over a lifetime. (Read more in Chapter 12 of My Genes Made Me Do It!) It may be heroic to "come out" to friends and family as gay, but it is even more heroic to swim against the tide and find a way back to what is still possible.
DNA is a ladder of nitrogenous bases and sugars that is a recipe for proteins, not sexual preferences. But it is also a ladder of destiny, a Jacob’s ladder, and it is our choice whether angels or demons walk up and down it. We can decide to capitulate to the “genetic argument” or not. Do your genes make you do it? You can choose.
I saw, struggling in a stagnant pool, a bee which had somehow fallen in. It flapped its wings futilely and tried to dog-paddle, but made no progress. It seemed to be drowning. All around the bee were little creatures called water-fleas who hopped round, trouble-free on the surface of the water. They didn’t seem interested in the bee at all. I took the bee out of the pool using a dead leaf from a tree, and set it down nearby on the slate surround. The bee staggered off the leaf, drunkenly wandering in its new freedom, headed straight back to the pool and fell in again. I lifted it out once more, and the bee staggered round rather aimlessly and seemed quite lost. I transferred it further away onto some grass. It tried to use its wings, but it looked to me as though they might be torn, and it might never fly again. It staggered from blade to blade, under some and over some in the three dimensional maze of the herbage. It even hopped from one blade to another, perhaps pathetically imagining it was flying. Then—suddenly—after I had practically given up, it flew! It wove a surprisingly straight course through the airy dimensions and was out of sight in seconds. I never saw it again. This I know: that bee reached heights the water-fleas couldn’t even dream of and so can you.
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