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Thread: What's the minimum qualification required for Aliyah?

  1. #51
    Johannes factotum
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voskos View Post
    Interesting. I live in chania but my origin is from surrounding villages. I guess if i were descended from Chaniot jews I would've known it.
    I was in Chania! Have you visited the synagogue there?
    Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has - Simeon ben Zoma, Ethics of the Fathers, Talmud, Avot 4:1

    Quote Originally Posted by zhaoyun View Post
    I'll say this once and I don't expect you to ever have me fucking repeat this again.

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  2. #52
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    Thats cool bro did you like it here? I pass next to the synagogue when i go for walk quite often, but I've never seen the inside. I think they only open it to the public on special occasions.

  3. #53
    Johannes factotum
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voskos View Post
    Thats cool bro did you like it here? I pass next to the synagogue when i go for walk quite often, but I've never seen the inside. I think they only open it to the public on special occasions.
    They told me they're open most days, something like 9-3, go in sometime and check it out. They are the only Jewish community on Crete, and they told me many or even most of their congregants are non-Jewish, despite their being Orthodox, so perhaps if you're interested in Judaism, you have the perfect community right next door. The synagogue is small, but very interesting. The old town was very pretty, my hotel was A++, some of the surburbs were run down, however. Of course this was the off-season, I imagine during tourist season it is very different. The food was also A++.
    Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has - Simeon ben Zoma, Ethics of the Fathers, Talmud, Avot 4:1

    Quote Originally Posted by zhaoyun View Post
    I'll say this once and I don't expect you to ever have me fucking repeat this again.

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  4. #54
    ⚡treet ⚡atyr KuriousKatKommittee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Longbowman View Post
    They're Christians in Jews' clothing (or so they aim for). I have no problem with, f/e, Methodists of Jewish parentage.
    The word you are looking for to describe these clown-ass niggas is "subversive."
    Quote Originally Posted by Longbowman View Post
    They are an evangelical community and that is what they do. It is not one or two members, it is their community. They inspire nothing in me but disdain. If they chose to be normal Christians that would be great, but they're not.
    If I had to pick a new group of friends and my two choices were either Far Right Neo-Nazis or The Special Ed Proselytizers I would pick the former because at least they niggas up front about they mission (and their cosplays WAY more hilarious too). *dabs on the proselytizers 1940s style*
    Quote Originally Posted by Dna8 View Post
    What's the minimum qualification required for Aliyah?
    1. 50,000 posts minimum on The Apricity dot com.
    2. Magen david tramp stamp. (Secret IDF initiation ritual).
    3. Don't place the milk container next to that slice of ham in the fridge ever again. It disrupts Big Nigga's tree of life 9th chakra, thus TRIGGERING him/her/them/xim.
    4. New rule: Separate dish cloth for every utensil. Your new Roommate does not like it when you dry forks with Their cloth instead of your own. Also, new rule: No sex with Their cloth and using it as a special cum sock. That is an abomination to the LANDLORD, your Roommate.
    5. Now that you were introduced to your new, clearly autistic Roommate that makes you tremble from disgust, you must do everything to keep Them happy, always sticking to the autistic daily schedule pinned on the fridge which They call "commandments" (how cute).


    6. Leave your Roommate and become a godless diaspora nomad seen with disdain by both condescending Israeli niggas and patronizing religious niggas alike.
    7. Have anal sex.
    8. Realize that the Promised Land was in your heart all along and that Big Nigga permeates every atom that makes up you, your body, everything around you, the entire world (The Cope Method) so then whether you is homeless in Mogadishu or dying from antibiotics resistant dysentery in a California run-down hospital bed it does not matter because Big Nigga still with you.

    Oh, wrong tutorial. I thought you was asking what the Big Nigga's Hood joining qualifications are because aliyah to Israel is way easier! Just ask all the non-Jewish Russians who slipped in in the 1980s.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Longbowman View Post
    So that's your great x 3 grandparent, which is 1/32 or a little over 3% of your ancestry, plus 1/16 Ashkenazi (maybe?) which would be 6.125%.

    I am 1/16 Musta'arabi (specifically: Baghdadi) but do not identify ethnically as such. Here's the reason:

    1) 1/16 x is 15/16 not x
    2) I was not raised Musta'arabi

    As you were not raised Sephardic or any other kind of Jewish, you are not ethnically Sephardic or any other kind of Jewish.

    You're more recently (probably?) Ashkenazi (surname?) but unwilling to put that in your bio? Darkness means nothing, my dad is extremely dark skinned and 100% Ashkenazi. Come on, don't fetishise us.

    As you know from Jewish law and custom, distant Jewish ancestry (especially non-maternal ancestry) doesn't count for much. View us as a tribal or maybe national entity rather than an ethnic one. Again, if you want to be part of Am Yisra'el, conversion is always an option.
    I'd be interested to see a photo of your dad.

  6. #56
    Johannes factotum
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    Quote Originally Posted by Markos View Post
    I'd be interested to see a photo of your dad.
    I'd love to show you but he doesn't even have a facebook account and is very opposed to anything about him, specifically including photos, being put online. There are a couple though, anyone who has me on facebook can confirm he is very dark.
    Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has - Simeon ben Zoma, Ethics of the Fathers, Talmud, Avot 4:1

    Quote Originally Posted by zhaoyun View Post
    I'll say this once and I don't expect you to ever have me fucking repeat this again.

    Longbowman isn't just a member, he's a lifestyle.
    I live here. I also live here.

    Europeans worldwide * Longbowman's family on 23andme * Classify Longbowman * Ask Longbowman anything

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Longbowman View Post
    I'd love to show you but he doesn't even have a facebook account and is very opposed to anything about him, specifically including photos, being put online. There are a couple though, anyone who has me on facebook can confirm he is very dark.
    That's totally understandable!

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    Quote Originally Posted by KuriousKatKommittee View Post
    The word you are looking for to describe these clown-ass niggas is "subversive."

    If I had to pick a new group of friends and my two choices were either Far Right Neo-Nazis or The Special Ed Proselytizers I would pick the former because at least they niggas up front about they mission (and their cosplays WAY more hilarious too). *dabs on the proselytizers 1940s style*


    1. 50,000 posts minimum on The Apricity dot com.
    2. Magen david tramp stamp. (Secret IDF initiation ritual).
    3. Don't place the milk container next to that slice of ham in the fridge ever again. It disrupts Big Nigga's tree of life 9th chakra, thus TRIGGERING him/her/them/xim.
    4. New rule: Separate dish cloth for every utensil. Your new Roommate does not like it when you dry forks with Their cloth instead of your own. Also, new rule: No sex with Their cloth and using it as a special cum sock. That is an abomination to the LANDLORD, your Roommate.
    5. Now that you were introduced to your new, clearly autistic Roommate that makes you tremble from disgust, you must do everything to keep Them happy, always sticking to the autistic daily schedule pinned on the fridge which They call "commandments" (how cute).


    6. Leave your Roommate and become a godless diaspora nomad seen with disdain by both condescending Israeli niggas and patronizing religious niggas alike.
    7. Have anal sex.
    8. Realize that the Promised Land was in your heart all along and that Big Nigga permeates every atom that makes up you, your body, everything around you, the entire world (The Cope Method) so then whether you is homeless in Mogadishu or dying from antibiotics resistant dysentery in a California run-down hospital bed it does not matter because Big Nigga still with you.

    Oh, wrong tutorial. I thought you was asking what the Big Nigga's Hood joining qualifications are because aliyah to Israel is way easier! Just ask all the non-Jewish Russians who slipped in in the 1980s.
    lol

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Longbowman View Post
    There are like, 12-13 million of us kicking around.

    In the ultra-Orthodox community, your yichus is quite important, and that includes not being a convert or the child of converts (or the child of divorced parents, reformniks, etc). In the regular community it's not so important. One of Ariel Sharon's parents was a Subbotnik (ethnic Russian judaiser) and no one cared, obviously.
    Fake news. It is on wiki, which cites a news article -likely where you got it from. Not only is there no mention of it in the biography written by his son, but the parent in question, his mother, is described as any other Jew. There is a picture of her family. They look like any Jews of that time period. Haredim were pissed at Sharon over some shit he did and called his mother a shiksa (likely due to her Russified name) and that's probably where the myth began.

    In any case, her name was Vera Schneirov. While Vera is a Russian first name, her surname gives away that she was Ashkenazi and not Subbotnik. "ov" is a russian suffix, but the root is Schneir, which is the same as Shneyer - a Yiddish male name. Subbotniks did not use Yiddish or have Yiddish surnames. Her surname merely means: "son of Shneyer" and in all likelihood, she descends from the first Lubavitcher Rebbe. Her surname is listed among his descendants and she's from the right area. On top of that, Subbotniks didn't live Mogilev, but rather on modern Russian territory and further east in the Empire. And while she had a Russian first name, her parents were Mordechai and Tehila.
    Last edited by Pine; 07-27-2019 at 05:16 AM.

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    As for the minimum qualification I can think of: immigrate with a step-dad whose grandfather converted to Judaism.

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