Op-ed: Consume More Root Vegetable Soups in Summer. [paid by the evil parsnip lobby]

[KuriousKatKommittee]

by Triple K @FruityFoodFans
Posted 1 sec ago

Unless you grow your arugula in your own motherfucking garden, chances are you now heavily consume salads (I am sorry for assuming your dietary habits. I am checking my privileges and whipping my back with one hand as I type this with my other hand) coming from those neat vacuum sealed bags sold in grocery stores.

Cool but it's summer and you know what that means. Escherichia coli just graduated from temperature college and it's overflowing with toxic bacterilinity. It went out on a Tinder date, got pozzed by bacteriofags, and now it's pissed off, wanting to wear a hoodie, and punch a Nazi. They take the public salad bus. Next stop: Your bowels, kidney, lungs, and the nervous system and pozzed e. coli finna give it a makeover equal to what tweakers did to the streets of Vancouver.

Okinawa niggas love their root vegetables giving them that longevity clout and I am currently experimenting with them as well (the vegetables, not the inhabitants of Okinawa) because I am just a mindless fad-following drone like the rest of you. I can't stand the taste of carrot, whether mashed cooked or raw, but I picked parsnip for its bearability factor. I can't stand root vegetables (except sweet potatoes) but I go by this very simple "intuitive" counterintuitive math formula of "if it tastes bitter and/or gross, chances are it's cockful of nutrients so it's good for you™" (You know what I am talking about, wink wink, them carotenoids, polyphenols, flavonoids, phytosterols, resveratrols, chlorophylls, selenium, allyl compounds with antiinflmmatory, antifungal, antioxidative properties n sheeit.)

Virgin salads will never beat Chad root vegetables' nutrient content/satiability ratio. Arugula, spinach, radicchio come close but still are Chad root vegetable's navel's height at best lel.

Anyway, I only really wanted to talk about "E. coli graduating from college" which I found hil-arious. I still had to drop some nawledge on your asses to justify me anthropomorphizing* a dysentery-causing bacteria** so peace and eat more soups, my summer sluts.

**Pixar presents w/ the original music by Randy Newman. Scene 1 fade in: T7 gift-giving barebacking scene.
(*Lowest form of wit. This is why a nigga ain't ever gonna be down with that tanakh shit, boii, because it actually a highly technical academical scientific PDF written in metaphor (top 10 ancient middle eastern analog cascade encryption professional hacker programs) that a bitch to translate back. The scene with Abraham who is bouta split a yung nigga in half? Binary fission.)

[KuriousKatKommittee]

I also say this as a strict salad aficionado. Even I have to admit root vegetables are superior. [shrug]