Good day.)
My name is Sasha, I'm 19 years old
I have been subscribed to this group for a very long time and I think that it is time for me to tell about myself and a bunch of my complexes.
I must say right away that no one has ever spit on me in my life and said something bad about my appearance, I, in principle, did not find this at my school.
I have not loved myself since childhood, the first hysteria because of my appearance happened at the age of 11, in a children's camp, in front of others. And then it was systematic. I could just sit at the mirror and howl. Sometimes I didn't want to go somewhere, just because I know that there I will be the ugliest girl.
In fact, I don't know where I got so many complexes from, because no one imposed them on me, I did it myself. Im not saying that Im ugly, but I know that Im not beautiful either. I am ordinary, well, the one that "she'd be fine")
Sometimes, of course, it seems to me that I look great, but it quickly disappears if I see a girl who is a billion more beautiful than me. Hence the problems in communicating with the opposite sex, I do not believe that I can be liked by someone, because how can someone like what I see in the mirror?) And eternal fears that a guy will see a girl more beautiful and leave (yes, appearance is not important, I know).
I also started to paint a lot to give myself confidence. This is the only way I can feel more or less comfortable in society. I don't like my crooked nose (besides, it looks different from different sides), ears like an elf, thin lips, porous skin, my drooping eyelids, curly hair that I was already tortured to straighten, my posture, about I generally keep quiet.
It's very hard for me to post it here, because I'm terrible in photographs). I am used to creating the appearance around myself that I am still "nothing like that", but in fact I don't think so, which I said above.
To be honest, I tried to accept myself, to love myself, but it doesn't work for me. I cannot accept that I lost the genetic lottery, and someone else won.
Like this.