Love or Attachment

**stellan** · 09-08-2020, 04:54 AM

I'm currently in a bit of a dilemma where I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and I feel like it's gone very downhill the past year. I don't enjoy hanging out with him that much and I barely feel attracted to him sexually anymore, but I feel like if I break up with him I'll be making a mistake. I'm not sure if I actually love him or if I'm just attached to him. Also he's extremely clingy which I HATE, clinginess is probably my #1 turnoff and even though he's a year older than me I feel like I'm the man in the relationship lol. It's partially my fault too bc I can be kinda toxic at times but I feel like we want completely different things out of our lives and we're not a very good match, but I still want to be with him.

**Mixdguy17** · 09-08-2020, 05:04 AM

Well, one thing is sure, u should talk to him about how u feel. I think no one would like their partner to feel like they are forced to be with them bcs they are afraid to hurt their feelings. Try telling him u should take a small break, to figure out if this relationship is something u truly feel u should hold on to or move on from. What is important now is communication and honesty, u gotta figure out what u want and then make the best decision for yourself, but do not stay the way u are right now, bcs its only gonna hurt your Bf more and even yourself.

Best of luck.

**stellan** · 09-08-2020, 05:07 AM

Originally Posted by Mixdguy17

Well, one thing is sure, u should talk to him about how u feel. I think no one would like their partner to feel like they are forced to be with them bcs they are afraid to hurt their feelings. Try telling him u should take a small break, to figure out if this relationship is what u truly feel is something u should hold on to or move on from. What is important now is communication and honesty, u gotta figure out what u want and then make the best decision for yourself, but do not stay the way u are right now, bcs its only gonna hurt your Bf more and even yourself.

Best of luck.

thank you!

**PaleoEuropean** · 09-08-2020, 05:42 AM

Love is something you build not have or obtain. His clinginess may annoy you but is devotion such a bad thing, especially after two years? Maybe it is the permanence of the relationship that scares you and makes you feel the way you do. Maybe you aren't attracted to the severity of commitment. I know it's something that has plagued me. But you are young and I would reflect on yourself and see if there is anything there wrong first before you go looking for things wrong with your partner. Having someone independent seems good and well until you find out that it can often be more of a character flaw than a good trait. That is just my two cents and you are your own person and know more about each other than I do. But at this point in my life I see a lot of time I missed having something permanent and wholesome having traded it for temporary excitement.

**PaleoEuropean** · 09-08-2020, 05:46 AM

Let me add I am not saying to stay together, but look deep and see what the true issues are, not the superficial ones. I am guessing he is just as young and inexperienced as you and you can coach him into being more what you desire and acting more like the man you want him to be, that is love; growing together. You will never find the best version of your own self without guidance either. This is the nature of growing up and starting a family.

**stellan** · 09-08-2020, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by PaleoEuropean

Let me add I am not saying to stay together, but look deep and see what the true issues are, not the superficial ones. I am guessing he is just as young and inexperienced as you and you can coach him into being more what you desire and acting more like the man you want him to be, that is love; growing together. You will never find the best version of your own self without guidance either. This is the nature of growing up and starting a family.

I agree, but I've tried to do that many times and he just accuses me of not liking him for who he is. That's why I'm saying I don't think we're a good fit anymore.

**ShieldWolf** · 09-08-2020, 06:42 AM

Sounds like you really don't like him. Break it off.

**Mopi Licinius Crassus** · 09-08-2020, 06:55 AM

you dont like being around him
you dont fancy him anymore

he's been clingy with you (ie he's a simp)

doesn't sound good

you should probably dump him for an older man

call me baby

**stellan** · 09-08-2020, 07:41 AM

bump

**Peterski** · 09-08-2020, 07:50 AM

What do you mean by "I can be kinda toxic at times" and "we want completely different things out of our lives"? Can you expand and elaborate more on these two issues? Also, in what ways is he clingy, can you give us examples of these clingy things he does?