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Thread: How would you feel about having children and family members who fell short of normal expectations?

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    Default How would you feel about having children and family members who fell short of normal expectations?

    like being significantly intellectually and/or physically disabled and disfigured, and not having any children of the same gender?

    I hope it's not too controversial to ask this question. I apologise if it offends anyone in any way. I still think its better to correct than criticise.
    I should mention that I still don't have any children yet, in fact I'm still a virgin, as well as an only child, just in case anyone thinks that I'm not developing normal parental instincts in any way, which I feel all people are deserving of from their family.
    Still, I've always dreamed of being able to be very proud of my family, like being able to be proud to show off, and free of major worry.
    Judging by the numbers and diversity of users here, I should probably expect the sight of people who have such children or family members to meet this page.
    This is a thought that I've had ever since I could start thinking really, and it seems to have affected people throughout history as well.

    How would you feel about having children and (new) family members like close nephews, nieces, cousins etc. who fell short of normal expectations, like being significantly intellectually and/or physically disabled and disfigured, siamese twins, and not having any children of the same gender? I think having them being just physically disabled or disfigured without being cognitively can still get by, but being intellectually disabled is probably the most challenging. Of course it's no one's fault for how it turns out for how someone is born, rarely I think.

    The latter condition, not having any children of the same gender, probably doesn't fit the category of "falling short of normal expectations", I just included it because I thought it was related, and is probably the least severe or disappointing condition mentioned, but I'd like to admit that if I didn't ever have any children of the same sex, that I'd be lying if I wasn't minimally disappointed somewhere inside me, not out of any sort of prejudice or non-love of the children and opposite gender, but I always imagined myself having boys and doing boyish things with them, much like when I was growing up myself, and leave mom to do girly things with daughters. Can others of both genders relate as well? Do females imagine doing feminine things with daughters? As well as the issue of being able to pass on our last name, not to mention that, while I'm not certain, my impression is that females growing up tend to be more complicated and have more emotional issues and stuff than boys do, something I'm not sure I'd be able to relate to or understand. My understanding is that what gender our children will turn out to be is a 50-50 chance. My impression is that I'm not the only one who feels this way, historically as well as presently.

    The thing is that while rates me be relatively low, it's still very possible for any of us. We have much more choice in who our partners are, in contrast, how our children will turn out is much more of a lottery, if not completely, just as it was for who are parents are. How is technology to predict and choose conditions for our children nowadays? Improving I hope. Even if we have children and family members who turn out to be normal, what happens to them in life is also another big gamble and lottery, just not as much at the mercy of nature as being born, but they could likewise get into accidents and illnesses and disable and/or disfigure them, physically as well as cognitively.

    What do you think? If you found yourself or a close family member or friend there, how would you feel, and what would you do? What options and remedies are available nowadays?

    How did people think about and respond to these issues historically?
    Last edited by Homo Insapiens; 09-14-2021 at 11:58 AM.

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    I've never had an interest in having children. If I did have children, I'd most likely be a difficult father. The kind of father that if he sees his son crying tells him to stop acting like a fag, and doesn't spend much time with his daughter unless she's sports oriented. I just don't have much patience.


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    My son has a genetic disorder.

    Before I had children, I was always scared that I would end up having a child with an intellectual disability. It’s almost as if it was a premonition. I suppose I was scared because I didn’t know how well I could handle it.
    Now that I have my son, I feel so blessed and I couldn’t be more proud of him. He has taught me patience and kindness. We work together to overcome his adversities and he inspires me each and every day. He is my world and I am forever changed because of him.
    What’s done in darkness will come to light

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    My ex and I chose to not have kids due to concerns about our country's future, and, sadly, it turned out that we were right. That doesn't mean that things can't improve for this *cheated* generation of youth (under 20). They might learn from the present insanity so that they won't repeat the mistakes of the past when they run the show. I wish them well!

    Another thing is that I won't pass my genes on as I think that we have a family curse of some kind, and my great-grandmother said that we're related to the Kennedys in Ireland. We don't have their fame and fortune (for the most part), but we do have car crashes, plane crashes, murders, etc.. I've had a long streak of bad luck for the past several years, and I don't want to pass on a life of suffering to an innocent individual, one who might see suicide as a viable solution. I was an athlete, scholar, talent, etc., and I dated gorgeous girls back in the day, and I would trade places with a nerdy wimp with good luck, so that's something to think about when you're jealous of guys who *seem* like they have a charmed life because, if you traded places with some of them, it might become the biggest regret of your life.

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    I’m blessed with a wonderful daughter. She is extremely beautiful and intelligent, beyond all expectations. She is not yet 3 yo and she loves to read, she loves books. She now has more than 600 books in her own library!! I am so proud of that. I keep updated an Excel file with all her books. And her vocabulary is so rich, it’s incredible. And she has such a good memory. She now goes to a Flemish school, so she speaks both French and Flemish!

    But if my daughter were “abnormal”, we would have loved her the same way. I was never scared about that during the pregnancy, which was very risky in my case, since I got hepatitis.

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    If you feel family members are falling short of your own expectations then you should seriously jump off a cliff and save the genetic pool of your excretement from spreading.

    You can choose your friends but not your family...
    “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Eph. 6:12

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    It depends on the family member. Some of them are not close, and I wouldn't feel bad at all.

    But I have noticed that people with autism often have pretty 'weird' family members. I'm pretty sure there's a strong genetic element to autism.

    I don't mind having a daughter. It doesn't matter what gender is your child going to be. Having girls is fine, just don't give them a reason to act out by being a negligent father.

    I know several families with ailing parents and it is invariably the daughters - not the sons - who care for them.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anglo-Celtic View Post
    My ex and I chose to not have kids due to concerns about our country's future, and, sadly, it turned out that we were right. That doesn't mean that things can't improve for this *cheated* generation of youth (under 20). They might learn from the present insanity so that they won't repeat the mistakes of the past when they run the show. I wish them well!

    Another thing is that I won't pass my genes on as I think that we have a family curse of some kind, and my great-grandmother said that we're related to the Kennedys in Ireland. We don't have their fame and fortune (for the most part), but we do have car crashes, plane crashes, murders, etc.. I've had a long streak of bad luck for the past several years, and I don't want to pass on a life of suffering to an innocent individual, one who might see suicide as a viable solution. I was an athlete, scholar, talent, etc., and I dated gorgeous girls back in the day, and I would trade places with a nerdy wimp with good luck, so that's something to think about when you're jealous of guys who *seem* like they have a charmed life because, if you traded places with some of them, it might become the biggest regret of your life.
    This is really sad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Laly View Post
    This is really sad.
    Millions of people have it much worse than me. My comment sounds like a cringe surprise pity party.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anglo-Celtic View Post
    Millions of people have it much worse than me. My comment sounds like a cringe surprise pity party.
    Everything is not over. You can still have children.

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