Are maternal instincts real?/Do mothers actually love their children?

[InmostLight]

We've all heard and read about how women would die for their children and all that, but there are also so many horrifying stories of women feeling no connection to their children, leading to regret, which then snowballs into abuse and neglect, or even abandonment. Does anyone think the likelihood of regretting motherhood is culture-dependent? My classmates and coworkers from communitarian/collectivist societies are shocked to hear that a mother could discard of her child, but my American (and sometimes other Westerner) peers are used to it, with some viewing motherhood with total disgust.

Is there any way to predict what type of mother a woman will be? How can you tell if you'll get the fabled experience of becoming a mama bear who loves every second with her children, or an evil crone who views them with eternal contempt and resentment? Is the risk even worth it?

Edit: well of course they're real for some women, so a better question should be, do all women have maternal instincts, or is it possible to be born lacking the ability to have them?

[Duke]

Well, i am going to give a wild guess, but lack of motherly love could be a sign of psychopathy, narcissism.
While men are more aggressive, this trait is more direct, in women could be more subtle, and that is why is not talked about much.

[catgeorge]

Women are nurturing by nature so yes

[Occiput in Starlight]

The maternal is real. Whatever that phenomenon actually is.

The "maternal instinct" is probably realer than a lot of human concepts on account of the biology involved.

I just woke up and I apologize in advance if my post is useless.

[rothaer]

We've all heard and read about how women would die for their children and all that, but there are also so many horrifying stories of women feeling no connection to their children, leading to regret, which then snowballs into abuse and neglect, or even abandonment. Does anyone think the likelihood of regretting motherhood is culture-dependent? My classmates and coworkers from communitarian/collectivist societies are shocked to hear that a mother could discard of her child, but my American (and sometimes other Westerner) peers are used to it, with some viewing motherhood with total disgust.

Is there any way to predict what type of mother a woman will be? How can you tell if you'll get the fabled experience of becoming a mama bear who loves every second with her children, or an evil crone who views them with eternal contempt and resentment? Is the risk even worth it?

Edit: well of course they're real for some women, so a better question should be, do all women have maternal instincts, or is it possible to be born lacking the ability to have them?

If we leave beside the banality that individuals are different and try to focus on that part of the causes that can be generalized, then I think that a natural birth including the pain is what eventually gives a mother a very strong connection to her child. I've heard more than one report on that by women. There is a bunch of things happening during the procedure of a natural birth that also is foreseen by nature. I'd therefore seriously advice to - if possible - refrain from a caesarean section that essentially works around most of that process.

[InmostLight]

If we leave beside the banality that individuals are different and try to focus on that part of the causes that can be generalized, then I think that a natural birth including the pain is what eventually gives a mother a very strong connection to her child. I've heard more than one report on that by women. There is a bunch of things happening during the procedure of a natural birth that also is foreseen by nature. I'd therefore seriously advice to - if possible - refrain from a caesarean section that essentially works around most of that process.

I've heard about this! I was a c-section baby (because there was no possible way to make me un-stuck). My doctors say I'll have to get a c-section once pregnant, if I'm able to carry to term, because of my connective tissue disorder and sacral deformity. Maybe there is some literature about how the mother can still bond in spite of that horrible thing having to occur..... Natural birth is 100% the best option, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to risk becoming wheelchair bound for it. I don't know. Maybe I need to become more self-sacrificial before I can have kids.

That is very alarming and worth knowing about. Thanks for that perspective, I wasn't even thinking of it at first...

[Occiput in Starlight]

do all women have maternal instincts, or is it possible to be born lacking the ability to have them?

My best guess is that it is possible.

[Occiput in Starlight]

And I think the cultural component to the maternal is where it gets interesting.

[rothaer]

I've heard about this! I was a c-section baby (because there was no possible way to make me un-stuck). My doctors say I'll have to get a c-section once pregnant, if I'm able to carry to term, because of my connective tissue disorder and sacral deformity. Maybe there is some literature about how the mother can still bond in spite of that horrible thing having to occur..... Natural birth is 100% the best option, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to risk becoming wheelchair bound for it. I don't know. Maybe I need to become more self-sacrificial before I can have kids.

That is very alarming and worth knowing about. Thanks for that perspective, I wasn't even thinking of it at first...

What obstacle for a natural birth exactly is a connective tissue disorder? An elevated aneurisma event risk in connection with the blood pressure tops? If not, there could be thought of maybe performing some of the natural birth stages before making the c-section. This is now admittedly no mature idea but more a brainstorming.

[Seya]

From which communitarian/collectivist societies are your co-workers? From what I know, westerners are the least likely to abandon their children. The poorer the country, the higher the abandonment rate is usually. As far as I know Iran in the country with the highest abandonment rate. They have the biggest number of children abandoned in carboard boxes.