What makes a good parent?

[Stefan]

I'm very interested in this topic. What are the jobs and tasks a parent should provide for their children? This ranges from birth until you believe the children should be pushed out on their own, as well as afterwards, when these children are adults with their own families and lives. What are some mistakes many parents fall into, and how can one avoid them? Does the parent's jobs cover only developmental needs, or should there be a degree of fiscal responsibility and foresight, particularly when the children are dependent young adults (i.e Higher Education) ? What is your opinion on single parents? Do they have additional obligations, and more leniency due to these specific obligations? How might a single parent accommodate, without remarrying? How responsible should the parent be in the educational development of their children? How does one raise their kids to maintain respect and noble values?

I'm particularly interested in responses from the parents here, of course. Although, I wouldn't mind others having a discussion as well.

[RagnarLodbrok666]

How about not pushing your kids into a lifestyle and set of priorities that place gregariousness and all kinds of simple household chores above a rigorous healthy lifestyle and good career choices. This was the mistake my parents made raising me.

[Skrondsze]

This is the Bible of education:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emile,_or_On_Education

I've read it many times. If you are interested in education just don't read the crap written since the 50's. No wonder why society degenerated since then.

I believe in Hierarchy. Patriarchal organized family. Discipline, Respect and focus on Study and Empiricism. I won't say anything new, there are plenty of books such as the aforementioned.

I do can list many mistakes parents make such as: Discussing in front of children (The children must trust their parents decisions), lack of hierarchy and discipline and of course, the most important one: Parents don't know how to say no.

But really, I would advise everyone to read Rousseau's Magnum Opus.

[Sikeliot]

My views on parenting are kind of extreme and I bet no kid would want me as a parent

Good parents see the benefit in;

1) Prioritizing education and success. A good parent will instill the value of hard work into their child and under NO circumstance will ever let their child think that anything is or will be handed to them on a silver platter or that it is ever okay to rely on government subsidy to live. Also, good parents do not hand out money to their children once they are of working age (here it is 16+) and if the kid does not want to work, then they do not get to make choices that require parents to spend extra money (i.e. the parent then will pick out the kid's clothes, take their car away, etc.) until that kid goes out and gets a job!

2) Discipline. Parents nowadays have become spineless with their children, in part due to the looming threat of DSS and the idea that physical discipline is child abuse. If your kid is being bratty, you must teach them respect, either by taking away their privileges or by using physical discipline when all else fails. Children shouldn't fear their parents, but they should know that it is unacceptable to disrespect them and misbehave. Children nowadays have too much power, because they know their parents cannot discipline them adequately, and this is why you end up with bratty children who get into so much trouble.

[Skrondsze]

My views on parenting are kind of extreme and I bet no kid would want me as a parent

Good parents see the benefit in;

1) Prioritizing education and success. A good parent will instill the value of hard work into their child and under NO circumstance will ever let their child think that anything is or will be handed to them on a silver platter or that it is ever okay to rely on government subsidy to live. Also, good parents do not hand out money to their children once they are of working age (here it is 16+) and if the kid does not want to work, then they do not get to make choices that require parents to spend extra money (i.e. the parent then will pick out the kid's clothes, take their car away, etc.) until that kid goes out and gets a job!

2) Discipline. Parents nowadays have become spineless with their children, in part due to the looming threat of DSS and the idea that physical discipline is child abuse. If your kid is being bratty, you must teach them respect, either by taking away their privileges or by using physical discipline when all else fails. Children shouldn't fear their parents, but they should know that it is unacceptable to disrespect them and misbehave. Children nowadays have too much power, because they know their parents cannot discipline them adequately, and this is why you end up with bratty children who get into so much trouble.

I agree with every word. Especially this: using physical discipline

[PetiteParisienne]

As a mother, I have realised that one cannot truly judge how to be a good parent until you actually become one. It is a wild adventure, constantly changing.

[Frigga]

In order to be a good parent, one should be able to have empathy, compassion, patience, endurance, and consistency. And above all else, love. If you do everything with at least some of the above, you will be a good parent.

And to also remember that yes indeed you are there as a parent to help raise a child to be a good adult. But always remember this quote from Gone With The Wind:

"Curb them, but don't break their spirits."

Children are their own unique entities, and they are not extensions of their parents like a limb. They will always have their own ideas and thoughts and values, even from infancy. The job of a parent is to help them realize that there are others in the world that have thoughts and feelings as well, and to help them to be able to cope and function in the real world.

And also to remember one more thing. You as a parent are not your child's friend. You are the parent. Time enough to be their friend after they grow up. If you do your job right, they will be just that. I know that I am with my mom and stepdad.

[MarkyMark]

Thinking about your kids before you think about yourself.

[Stefan]

As a mother, I have realised that one cannot truly judge how to be a good parent until you actually become one. It is a wild adventure, constantly changing.

It sounds very challenging, but also rewarding.

In order to be a good parent, one should be able to have empathy, compassion, patience, endurance, and consistency. And above all else, love. If you do everything with at least some of the above, you will be a good parent.

consistency

With this quality, do you mean one should avoid contradicting themselves, in front of the child(ren) at least?

Children are their own unique entities, and they are not extensions of their parents like a limb. They will always have their own ideas and thoughts and values, even from infancy. The job of a parent is to help them realize that there are others in the world that have thoughts and feelings as well, and to help them to be able to cope and function in the real world.

I really like this, how do you know when you go too far, and you're limiting them too much? I suppose they should tell you if that is happening, right? If so, how can you be more open to seeing the signs, if they're subtle?

I'm interested: what are your (to both of you, as well as anybody else) plans for educating your child(ren)? Do you think it's crucial they should be exposed, from an early age, to a constant social environment with other children, or do you think home schooling could be a suitable option, as long as they have other means of social interaction?

[Frigga]

With this quality, do you mean one should avoid contradicting themselves, in front of the child(ren) at least?

With consistency, that means that if you say no, then you child will know that it always means no. Like if you don't want your child to touch something, you say no, and always reinforce by either taking them away from the item in question, or making sure that they do stop touching it. And that the rules are always the same, from day to day.

I really like this, how do you know when you go too far, and you're limiting them too much? I suppose they should tell you if that is happening, right? If so, how can you be more open to seeing the signs, if they're subtle?

Children will let you know when you're pushing them too much. But sometimes yes the signs are subtle. If your child(ren) are happy and thriving, then you're doing alright. And always remember to take things one day at a time. Some days will be joyous, and other days will feel like a constant battle, no matter how much of an angel your child(ren) is/are.

My mother has been involved in raising children for over forty years, starting with her niece when she was 12 years old, and working in preschools, raising myself and my older brother, and my stepsister and now in her own daycare. And she has said to me many times over the years "Raising children is just like raising a puppy. The principles are exactly the same. Love, affection and consistency". If you have successfully raised a good dog from puppyhood, then you should be alright with raising a child.

I'm interested: what are your (to both of you, as well as anybody else) plans for educating your child(ren)? Do you think it's crucial they should be exposed, from an early age, to a constant social environment with other children, or do you think home schooling could be a suitable option, as long as they have other means of social interaction?

I would like to have my child go to Waldorf for kindergarten at least, so that he can have really wonderful memories of it, and to help cushion the going to school experience. But I think that being exposed to other children is a lot more important then making them the smartest person around. At the end of the day, being able to successfully interact with your fellow human being is much more important in my opinion, then being able to decipher Latin or quantum physics, or to be able to recite all of the battles that Julius Cesear won in his conquest of Gaul.

Another quality that my sister just reminded me of in regards to being a good parent, is selflessness. You will have to give up much to become a parent, but it truly is the greatest task given to us in all the world to become one. You will give up sleep, you will give up freedom, you will give up being able to take a shower every single day, you will be giving up the ability to drop everything to go somewhere on a whim. If you're a woman, you will give up having the perfect body, and you will give up your breasts until your baby is weaned, and you will give up having smooth skin where stretch marks now live. But it is all for the greatest little creature that your eyes have ever beheld, and at the end of the day, that is all that really matters.

So, it is above all else, love that makes a good parent. Love, and sacrifice. The rest will come to you as you go along.