Are You The Black Sheep?

[Frigga]

Do you have values and beliefs that collide with your family members' values and beliefs? And could they be defining factors to your expulsion from the family, or are you able to "agree to disagree" for the benefit of the relationship?

With my parents, yes, I do have conflicting beliefs, as they are Christian, and I left the church about 10 years ago. They are the best parents about it though. I'm not thrown out of the family, and if I was living in the '50's with my current behavior of living unwed to my boyfriend for 8 years, and being a Northen European heathen, I think that they're gems, as my belief system, and current state of unwed co-habitation doesn't concern them as much as the lack of grandchildren.

But, they're not the reason I came up with this thread!

I had family that drove out from Kentucky to visit for a few days. We do not see each other very often. I had not seen my aunt for 20 years, since my aunt and uncle's wedding in which I was the flower girl. I had not seen my uncle for 13 years, when he came out for his father's funeral. My two cousins I had never met. My aunt and uncle are both retired military.

While at a restaurant in San Francisco Chinatown, the plans for the next day were being discussed. As it was a Sunday, they were planning on going to Church, and then afterwards to drive down to Muir Woods. My uncle asked if I would be attending, with the assumption that I would be going, because of course I'm Christian, right? ()

Well, instead of keeping my mouth shut, and just allowing the trip to continue on it's merry way to a happy ending; I told the truth: that I would not be attending church, as I'm a heathen, and I had gotten "shanghaied to go to church a few weeks previously because I needed to talk to the preacher's wife about professional matters, as I am wanting to get into the medical field as a doula. I had been saying this in a joking manner, as I'm no longer defensive of my choices. I got some shell shocked faces, and an internal chastisement from that little part of me that snoozes all too often, (namely common sense) for being a dork and telling my extended family things that they didn't need to know, as they wouldn't understand.

I got the line, You don't believe in the Bible?, and I had a difficult time telling them (because they have a singluar thought system, as in only their way is right) that just because I'm not a Christian, that does not mean that I'm a denier of their belief system. I told them that I believe that Chrisitianty is fine for them, but not for me. Then I attempted to tell them that I truly feel that all belief systems are true for those who believe in them, and that all forms of worship feed the lifeforce of their dieties. I think that they thought that I was braying like an ass for the confusion I noticed. I felt bad about how my belief systems rocked their world, but I am very glad that I didn't try to be defensive about it. I had to tell them that I think that we were going to have to agree to disagree. And, to my amusement, they told me that they would pray for me. I was actually touched, as I know that they love me. But I also feel a slight bit of bemusement at them.

I know that if I was their daughter, that I would not be allowed to have this point of view, and still be allowed to have the same degree of relationship. It makes me sad to know that they are this narrow minded in their viewpoints. And makes me glad to know that even if I am the technical black sheep of my family, that I am still accepted.

[Electronic God-Man]

We are all Black Sheep in my immediate family. We probably let each other get away with too much.

[Angantyr]

Am I the black sheep?

Heathen. Racialist. Traditionalist with respect to family roles. Putting honesty and honour before money. Poised to marry a redheaded Russian girl.

Heck, yes! I am the black sheep!

My mother still loves me and cares for me unconditionally. The rest of the family has pretty much abandoned me and sees me about once or twice a year at functions.

[SwordoftheVistula]

My parents are quite religious; my mom is lay clergy and manages a bookstore the church runs, but I stopped believing around age 20. I moved out around the time this process was completing, so I haven't had any confrontation with them about this. They are aware I'm not a regular churchgoer, and periodically try to push religious stuff on me, but not overly hard. It is part of the reason I don't talk to them much, as they always fill their conversations with 'God', 'spiritual', etc; crap I have no interest in.

I go along to church sometimes when I visit them, since I know they like it, and family friends I knew when growing up like to see me. I don't like attending church, and try to time my visits so I'm not around on Sunday morning or come up with some other excuse not to go. They always offer to get me subscriptions to various religious periodicals, I tell them no need as I can just read them online (which I don't). They give me religious literature, tapes, etc, which I just chuck somewhere and eventually throw out. I don't tell them I think it's all a crock of BS since it wouldn't do any good and would only upset them, since it's such an important part of their life. Also I don't use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco in front of them and keep all that stuff out of sight on the rare occasions when they are in my residence.

[Birka]

Most of my family are still Democrats, and I cannot even mention who they voted for. (shudder)

[Gooding]

Kind of hard to be the black sheep when you're the youngest. But I do still keep trying!

[Brynhild]

I've given my reasons in this Thread. I'm even more eccentric now as I'm getting older.

[SwordoftheVistula]

Most of my family are still Democrats, and I cannot even mention who they voted for. (shudder)

My Dad and I are both Republicans, but about as far apart on political stuff as you can be and yet still be in that grouping. I'm mostly a libertarian, he's a Christian conservative, environmentalist, distrustful of capitalism, opposed to capital punishment, supported Bush and the Iraq War, and doesn't much like guns or drugs. He voted for Obama in both the primary and general this past election, the first time in his life he had ever voted for a Democrat. My mom is more of a straight down the line Republican except she really hates guns, and voted for Ron Paul in the primary.

[Tabiti]

From the other thread:

Yes, I'm definetely a black sheep according to my relatives due to these reasons:

- I don't look or behave like most girls - make-up, clothes, disco clubs, boys, etc;
- I'm not a "lady" as my mother and grandmother used to be and expected me to be.
- I'm going to have "not very proper - male" profession - railway engineer (dispatcher, movement director, train and station-master, etc);
- I'm nationalist (nazi or fascist according to them);
- I don't have girlfriends, therefore I'm completely lost in girly things;
- I listen to quite strange music (noise as they call it);
- I eat healthy - no sugar, white flour, artificial foods. I almost never make exeptions with my diet, even on special occasions;
- I use herbs and naturopathy instead of medicines. I just don't trust doctors due to many reasons;
- I'm not interested in TV shows, stars, serials, etc "public life";
- I'm not follower of any official religion, not an atheist;
- I'm with a man they can't stand, just because he is like myself;

To be honest, my interests conserning Mystics, Occultism and Natural medicine were awaken by my mother at some degree, so she doesn't sees that strange. Only my father thinks I'm really sick person, since he is the most average guy from the crowd you can imagine.
But as a whole, my family seems to have much troubles with my identity. Anyway, I won't change myself due to the stupid crowd. I'm not black sheep, not a sheep at all. They are sheep!
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[Osweo]

I'm not too different to my parents in political matters. Dad's a bit more apathetic, despite having a reasonably full idea of what's going on the world. Mum's not particularly well informed, but has a good set of instincts. She's the sort of person thinking nationalists will have to keep a hand on once the shit hits the fan, committing unnecessary atrocities that will damage us in the history books...

My siblings agree too. The sister is a bit more covert about it, as she is in education and has to conform to some extent. The brother enjoys his own personal life too much to get as het up about things as I am. So, whole family of black sheep there, near enough.