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Well, you are not alone, at age 14 I started having serious doubts about the religious "manna" I was being fed. No one could ever rationally explain to me why would perfection all of a sudden get creative urge? Why would absolute equanimity have wants. desires or needs of any kind. The usual BS out of love, because it works in mysterious ways, etc did not ring real or true. That's when I first got interested in Buddhism because it's all about reality, and no miracles, it's you and your perception of reality.
Blind faith is for weak minded. They can't handle reality, they are afraid of it, they need some magic to make order out of the seeming chaos of it all. Their silly minds can't handle reality as it is, they have to warp it to make sense of it all.
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