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Alpha Widowed: is it worth it to go on?
This is a whole lot of pathetic female bitching and whining. If you don't care to hear it, just don't read it.
As some may know, I was discarded at the beginning of the summer by my boyfriend of 3.5 years who had been promising to marry me. He moved to Europe to get his master's degree at a world-class university at the beginning of our relationship. I was ready to move over there for him, and once my partner visa was printed, he decided he doesn't want to get married or have me move in anymore. We mutually broke up, I am told, but I can barely remember the breakup. I was unable to eat or sleep properly for weeks, and I spent my days trying to distract myself from suicide.
He got a new (much prettier) girlfriend immediately after, but he promises that nothing happened with her until we already broke up. It's funny how I spent years doing everything in my power to maxx my femininity and become the ideal wife, but he left me for a "boss babe" who posts bikini pics, has orbiters, and apparently "wears hot lingerie for our dates" and "can actually finish in bed". She is who I once strove to be, but I decided to become "submissive and feminine" instead, being told this would more successfully land me a commitment.
He had a STEM job and two degrees from top global universities. He was at least an 8 in terms of looks, incredibly romantic, fiercely devoted, spent way more money on me than I wanted or expected, and called me every day. He came from a good family and was overall a very high class individual-- a true "Istanbul gentleman". I will never connect with anybody like I did with him. He took me on beautiful vacations and always tried to impress me. He says that he always recognized my gratitude and thankfulness, but that he was sick of me having an "I don't deserve it" mindset. I was only trying to reduce his burdens, and make sure he knew that I didn't expect him to do so much work for me. I wanted to make it easier for him to keep me.
We chatted yesterday, and he said that excellent men generally do not marry, and that a successful man needs to be tricked or manipulated into marriage, and he recognized that I do not believe in such exploitation, and thus could not inspire him to commit. He said that "settling is a killing blow for a man". I cannot argue with this. He is correct on that front.
I've been trying to date with no success. Someone approached me immediately after the breakup and rushed me into inappropriate activities, and I cut him off after he attempted to force himself onto me after I told him not to touch me. I went on a few dates with someone, and gave my body to be intimate to him, believing it would make him happy and make him like me, but I was promptly sent home and ghosted. He also told me I will not find a successful man who wants to settle. He told me to "go find some redneck fuck who will keep you barefoot, if you want to get married". I'm not sure if it would benefit any man to date me, being alpha widowed and all.
I had a dream last night that I was a homeless bag lady squatting in the apartment that was going to be his and mine, but is now for him and his new, superior girlfriend. She was putting on my nicest perfumes and favorite earrings to prepare herself for a fancy dinner date with the man I love. I discovered her, stole my perfumes back away, and was kicked down the stairs. I tried to gather my items into a small backpack, but she kept laughing at me. She is an evil whore, and I hope she ends up getting what she deserves. I think she sought him out because he was in a committed relationship and originally planning on marriage. A few weeks ago, he sent me a text about how funny, symbolic, and synchronistic it is that her favorite song is Dolly Parton's Jolene. She sings it all the time, he said, laughing.
Had he not grown tired of me, I would be living in a global city, with access to my dream careers in security and defense. I would be loved and cared for in a beautiful apartment. Since I did not have a full time job, as he promised to support me once I would have moved in, I had to sign a lease on a cheap and terrible little house outside of town, increasing my social isolation. I am currently sleeping on a floor mattress in the kitchen, because the carpet is too filthy to put furniture on it, and flies attack me in my sleep.
He is not a bad person at all. He always tells me how sorry he is, and how he wishes things could have been different. He does feel bad for putting me in this position and robbing me of the life I thought I would receive, but he also does not regret breaking up with me.
~~~
Is it even possible for me to find love again? I'm not in college anymore, so I lost access to the world's most potent dating pool of successful young men. He made me promise to him that I will NEVER date anyone who falls below the standard he set for me, and I think this is wise, but I fear that it will keep me alone forever. He made me promise that I will not settle out of loneliness, and that I should seek someone who even exceeds his excellence, because I "deserve better". That doesn't make sense that he thinks I deserve better-- apparently I did not even deserve him.
It would be cruel and unfair for me to subject another new man to myself, but I am so lonely. I feel like a complete and total failure as a woman. I am humiliated. I fear going about my errands in town, because I run into people who were excited for my move and eventual wedding, and I have to explain that I was discarded. I am twenty-two years old and nearing the wall. Should I give up?
While it is becoming very easy for me to garner male attention, especially on dating apps, I do not want to settle for less than what I originally thought I would have forever. I could easily get "a man", but he would not live up to the standard which has been set for me. Should I just settle?
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Originally Posted by catgeorge
United Kingdom
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