A Few Jokes

[lei.talk]

I'm getting an impression that you have somekind of nutzi-agenda
to exclude Saamis from the Nordic-family,

but guess what, you can't. You're American,

and the definition of "Nordic" is defined by us, the Nordics.

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When Germany invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941, Finland participated in the invasion primarily to recover the territories it was forced to cede to the USSR after the Moscow Peace Treaty which ended the Winter War between the Finns and the Soviets. Military success quickly resulted in the Finnish occupation of Eastern Karelia.

after which,
adolf hitler labelled the suomi "Ehrenarier" (honorary aryan):

Hitler decreed in November 1942 that "from now on Finland and the Finnish people be treated and designated as a Nordic state and a Nordic people", which he considered one of the highest compliments that the Nazi government could bestow upon another country.

this convenient political fiction
was continued by the swedish government
to provide a trip-wire/buffer-state of soviet intrusion.

amusingly,
this was a compliment hitler - also - extended to the japanese
and select jews.

„Dem Denken des Nationalsozialismus entsprechend, jedem anderen Volke volle Gerechtigkeit widerfahren zu lassen,
ist dabei niemals von höher- oder minderwertigen, sondern stets nur von fremden Rasseneinschlägen die Rede.“

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[wvwvw]

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.

[Polski]

Why did the skeleton not dance with anyone at the party? It had no body to dance with.

What is the difference between a ginger and a brick? A brick gets laid.

[Chieftain]

A short joke, not meant to offend anyone.

Two boys having a drink together, discussing a few things.

Guy 1: Hey, you know they changed the name of the capital.
Guy 2: What, they are changing London's name?
Guy 1: Yeah, it's gonna be called Warsawistan now.

[wvwvw]

[wvwvw]

The wife said to her husband, "do you know what our little boy called me today, a bitch!". He replied, "that son of a bitch!"

[SilverKnight]

A Convict Escapes Prison

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

[Cleitus]

Whats the difference between a Pizza and a Jew ?
A Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the Oven !

[SilverKnight]

Whats the difference between a Pizza and a Jew ?
A Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the Oven !

[lei.talk]

Asian chicks have dark-purple vaginas.

If Barney had a vagina, that’s what it would look like.
If it were a jacket - Prince would wear it.

That’s why black guys love Asian chicks
— they think there’s grape drink down there.

—Bobby Lee

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